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Please HELP!!!!
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#1 Posted : Saturday, March 06, 2010 2:45:42 PM(UTC)
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To cut a long story short....A father wanted to give up his 2 youngest children because his wife had abandoned him and them and he couldnt afford them.We were the fortunate people to get the 3 month old baby girl.He pressured us into getting their to fetch her.He didnt know us from a bar of soap either!

Well,we have had social worker involved and the bio father is back with Mother and he kept on insisting that they going through with it.We fell in love with her and applied for adoption,she has her own room and new clean clothing and LOADS of love.She was neglected,dirt in her ears and private parts had ol Faeces in o=it and her bottom was raw,red and blistered.

He now wants her back 5 MONTHS later and they live in a caravan park with 2 older kids.The scoial worker on their side thinks and says this is acceptable.The bio Mother Is a P........ for a job and the bio Father gets a pension of sorts but not much....What can we do legally to keep our prcios 8 month old baby girl????there HAS to be something!!!!
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#2 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 9:40:30 AM(UTC)
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#3 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 9:42:54 AM(UTC)
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You find yourself in the most difficult situation ever. Having been through a very similar experience I can assure you that the Social Worker will ALWAYS side with the parents NO MATTER WHAT. The only thing that you can try to do is to appeal to the social workers management to review her decision. In any event what you really have to do for your own sanity and that of your family, is ALWAYS to FULLY ACCEPT AND REALISE that YOU ARE NOT THE CHILDS ACTUAL PARENT. You are only a foster parent who has no real say over this child. At best, you can only try to give the child a decent home and upbringing in the knowledge that she can at any time be taken away from you and be prepared to live with the consequences of your trying to do good. God grant you all the strength that you will need.
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#4 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 10:02:45 AM(UTC)
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Firstly: It is tough, but if you are guided by the fact that this is not about you or your interests (at all), but rather about the interests of that child - then your approach will become clearer.
Secondly: Accept that unless the biological parents are abusing the child, that is where the child belongs and the reality is that the courts will have to be persuaded (beyond a rash, dirt or the mother's profession) before they interfere.

So what are you left with?

The biological parents don't sound like the kind of people who will hold it together for too long. Your first job is persuade them to let you remain as a constant in the child's life - so that you can be there to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. Two strategies here: Firstly, appeal to their good sense. You have loved and looked after their child when they needed it. The child has formed a bond with you. Ask them to let you be the aunty while being completely clear that they are the parents and make all the decisions. You want to visit from time to time - help out with school, when that comes and be part of a happy extended family. You will NEVER undermine them. On the other hand, if they child does become threatened through abuse, you will no about it and be there to intervene - keep records... of everything.

Secondly, if strategy one doesn't work, tell them that you have been advised by lawyers and psychologists that you should fight this in the courts and that you have a good chance of success given the circumstances under which the child came to be in your care and your ability to offer the child a loving home. However, you think it must be hard - no impossible - for a parent to be denied his/her child (you know what this feels like, even though you are just the surrogate parent). Therefore, you will ignore this legal advice and agree to hand back the child, provided they allow you to be an 'aunty'.

Either way, you will have to swallow your pride and your better judgment and try your best to make friends with people who you find distasteful (at present). You will have to develop some real empathy for their situation and be supportive, non-threatening and kind. You are doing this in the best interests of that child - in order that you may play a positive role in her life. It's not ideal and you may well have been able to offer a far better home and upbringing - but this is the hand you have been dealt, you cannot change the cards, so do the best you can in the circumstances, knowing full well that it may place a strain on you, your relationship and your family.
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#6 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 10:06:50 AM(UTC)
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You might feel that the social worker always side with the biological parents - the fact is that there is a Child Care Act that the social worker HAS to adhere to, while she has to carry out the act, she didn't write it so please don't be so hard on her. There is only one way to do it and that is to go through the motions, these type of decisions is incredibly hard and emotional and have ripple effects for years and years to come, it really isn't just as straight forward as clean clothes and enough food, good luck, I really feel for you and I hope the right decision is being made in the end - Ex Social Worker
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#7 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 11:03:39 AM(UTC)
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Did you Adopt the child legally? If so then the bio parents may not interfere untill the child is 18yrs old,the Bio parents should not even know where you live and have no contact with the child. you are the parents now and having young little baby being passed from one set of parents to the next is detramental to the child.

Fight for your child, no matter what, if the Bio parents signed the adoption papers, there is nothing they can do...

ps . Im an adopted child who found my mom when I was 19.... the ability of my adoptive parents to be my parents (gardians) have given me the stability in my life to achieve what I have today, and I still wanted to meet my bio mom, and in hindsight I can assure you from my situation, that bio parents must not get involved at all untill the child is 18 and if the child wants to meet them
Harry
#8 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 11:10:23 AM(UTC)
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My wife and I have had a baby in our care since he was born. The baby is now 2yr old and about 7month ago the parents (not married and no longer living together) demanded that the baby be given to the mother. both parents are drug-users, unemployed and both have recently been arrested for various crimes. We approached social workers in our area to assist in getting foster care of the baby until such time as both parents have been rehabilitated. To our surprise the social workers recommended that the baby be placed with the mother who claimed that she is now living with her mother. We then appointed a lawyer to take this matter further and it is currently before the High Court. The judge ordered that the Office of the Family Advocate investigate the circumstances and submit a report. The High Court will then decide what happens to the child. At least this gives us hope that both sides will be heard.
So, the sequence of things to do is:
1/ Approach the local social worker organisation and if you are not satisfied with the outcome then
2/ Go to a lawyer who can petition the High Court to hear the matter. But, this costs a pile of money...ask me!
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#9 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 11:17:10 AM(UTC)
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I understand that this is a highly emotional issue but your post is quite revealing,and not in a positive way.
Sorry to say but you do not come across as the best parental influence either.
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#11 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 11:55:22 AM(UTC)
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My heart breaks for you. Having been through this myself. Unfortunately the parents are legally entitled to take their child back up to 1 year AFTER finalisaition of an adoption if circumstances grant it. The only thing you can potentially use in your favour is that they legally abandoned their child and therefore according to the childcare act they lose the right to their child... But that would be a longshot. My prayers are with you.
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#13 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 12:02:04 PM(UTC)
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Interesting. "My children" have been living with me for the last 10yrs - thay are now 10 and 14. I am married to their natural mother. Nat Father and her ex hubby, was never that involved in their growing up. Nat father moved to another prov about 3 or 4 yrs ago and has made no contact for that time - not that he made much contact when he was near. I now want to adopt the children - they are both very very keen, but nat father will probably not agree to this (note that he has NOT supported them financially at all eg maint and school fees). Anyone want to hazard a guess at my chance of success ?
Woman24_7
#14 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 12:34:48 PM(UTC)
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Get a lawyer, hire a private investigator - if you have proof that their drug and alcohol abuse is extreme, then you have a good chance. My heart breaks for you!
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#15 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 12:58:13 PM(UTC)
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Dear Readers

I think with all the facts raised you should all concider visiting the Office of the Family Advocate who will offer sound advice. There is also the Child Act which protects the rights of children and i hope it will provide you with some light. Above all, i think its imperative that you should refrain from thinking you know whats good for the children, IF ALL OF YOU FEEL LOVE FOR THE CHILDREN THEN ITS NOT IMPORTANT WHETHER THEY ARE LEGALLY YOURS OR NOT, FOR YOUR LOVE WILL BE UNCONDITIONAL. God be with you in all your endevours to do Good.
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#16 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 1:16:30 PM(UTC)
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The focus of the Children's Act (38/2005) is the best interest of the child. I would suggest you contact your local Commissioner of Child Welfare to request an investigation in both sides and then determine what is in the child's best interest - now but also 20 years later.
Regards
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#10 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 1:55:13 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
I understand that this is a highly emotional issue but your post is quite revealing,and not in a positive way.
Sorry to say but you do not come across as the best parental influence either.



Possibly, they ARE the best parental influence this child could have, but have difficulty expressing themselves in writing.
Guest
#17 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 2:19:02 PM(UTC)
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To the person who posted on this day: Monday, March 08, 2010 10:02:04 AM

I have a son, I am the biological mother. I met someone when my son was 2 and we are now happily married, my son is now 9. We are in the process of adoption, without the biological fathers consent. We applied for adoption on grounds of abandonment as the biological father has not had contact with our son since he was 2 and has never paid any maintenance. As we speak, the adoption is in progress and is successful! So yes, it can be done. Don't give up! It has not cost us 1cent to do this. We approached the courts ourselves and did everything ourselves.
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#18 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 3:24:50 PM(UTC)
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I am not even going to tell you that it's going to cost ALOT of money to win this and you can, with ease if you have the money...Court ONLY wants facts..not emotions as the Magistrate has no personal involvement, they look at what is BEST for the CHILD! There is no way you can avoid this....going to cost you.....
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#19 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 5:07:37 PM(UTC)
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Guest @ 08 March 2010 12:19:02 PM

Thanks for the positivity :o)

Rgds
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#20 Posted : Monday, March 08, 2010 5:27:24 PM(UTC)
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What a bunch of selfish, self-righteous, arrogant fools. I'm referring to the first post on this page (Posted: 06 March 2010 12:45:42 PM). Having money and means, and not having to daily fight for survival, makes you no more worthy to be a parent.
Poverty is no crime. Being desperate for help when you cannot afford raising your children alone is not contemptible. A poor mother resorting to the oldest profession is only as criminal as the rich men that use her. Abandoning a husband with children is unfortunate, but then trying later to make things work is laudable. A proud father trying to get his child back deserves a standing ovation, but you choose to deride him for living in a trailer park. For Christ's sake, it's a roof over their heads. There are many parents raising their children in tin shacks in this country.

Considering yourself fortunate to get the cute 3-month old baby rather than the older child is self-centered and despicable. Applying for foster care is not like getting in a queue to get babies handed out like free lollipops. Unless it's an orphan, you should only be doing it to give unselfish assistance to an entire family in need of rehabilitation. Uplifting the child is your part, while the social worker tries to uplift the parents. The aim must always be to re-unite them someday. Can you really not see that trying to keep the child is like theft?

This is coming from a foster father. I do love my foster son, but what is in his best interest is not material wealth, it is giving him pride in his heritage.
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#21 Posted : Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:21:16 AM(UTC)
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Hi there

The reader who made this comment is correct:J



I think with all the facts raised you should all consider visiting the Office of the Family Advocate who will offer sound advice. There is also the Child Act which protects the rights of children and i hope it will provide you with some light. Above all, i think its imperative that you should refrain from thinking you know whats good for the children,


Alternatively please contact Jo'burg Child Welfare on 011 298 8500 and ask to be put through to our adoption department

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#22 Posted : Tuesday, March 09, 2010 6:31:05 PM(UTC)
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Find out how much money they want and then negotiate pay them once they sign the adoption papers
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