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I am at the beginning of this journey called Adoption.
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reluctant_mom
#1 Posted : Saturday, March 13, 2010 6:22:17 PM(UTC)
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reluctant_mom

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I am at the beginning of this journey called Adoption.

I have three biological children, and have always felt an overwhelming drive to adopt. I am not sure of the source of this emotion or its depth. I can picture a black girl in my mind's eye and I feel like she is there waiting for me, I need to just find her.

I am starting this process at ground zero - with no idea what awaits me in terms of information, or whether when the journey ends, I will have the courage to wrap my arms around this little girl. I have an appointment with Child Welfare later this week, so am excited and a little scared.

I would really like to hear from other parents who are possibly going through the process and what their experiences have been. Is it easier than I think it is going to be? Or is it as soul wrenching and soul destroying as I anticipate it is going to be?

I feel nervous that I don't want to say or do anything wrong. I start to worry that I am not sure what my motivation is. When I chose to fall pregnant three times, I did not need to motivate my decision, I could just say because I want to - and that was enough.
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parent24ed
#2 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 10:29:50 AM(UTC)
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Good luck with this journey, I am sure you will soon have the daughter you dream of. It is ironic that we can fall pregnant without having to explain ourselves, but at least you have a proven parenting track record.
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Guest
#3 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 10:29:53 AM(UTC)
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Why do you have a black child in mind? Everything in this country is being done for black children. Now picture in your mind's eye how one of your own have to stay without parents so that you can take a black child. You are sick.
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Guest
#5 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:11:16 AM(UTC)
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Jip it sickens me that there are so many white children suffering and that white people then wants to adopt black kids. I hope it is just not a fashion statement, and that won't help you to be "IN" with blacks. You will always be white no matter how many blacks kids you have. Oh and will you raise him in a white culture or a black one. Both have their own set of very real problems.
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Guest
#6 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:14:01 AM(UTC)
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I'm sure this is not suppose to be a race thing, it is where the greatest availablility is.
I have 3 boys 3, 5 and 8. When they are bigger, and need me less, I would love to adopt and give another child a home.
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Guest
#7 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:18:14 AM(UTC)
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Dear Parent. i fully understand where you are coming from. Please contact http://www.tsenang.org.za/. Magda marie, is the social worker there. She is dedicated and does amazing things for children in desperate need.
Good luck with your journey.
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Guest
#8 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:28:51 AM(UTC)
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What an awful comment above!! Shame on you for posting something like that! Good for you to be open to adoption. Good luck!
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Guest
#9 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:47:36 AM(UTC)
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One day, years from now. You would feel so proud to have help a child. You will see how it changed this person, and yourself. Just remember, your hole live is a scale. Remove or add something and it would impact lives around you. 10 to 20 years from now, you might not see the damage to you own children. They might never tell you about it, not even if you ask them. Not everyone can master some of these challenges. Don’t make you own need for a child blind you scale. LOVE YOUR CHILDERN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, THEY ARE YOURS.(a child from such a home)
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Catherine
#10 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 11:48:50 AM(UTC)
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Please don't be discouraged by the racist nature of 24.com. It seems that there are people on this site just waiting to pounce on anything related to race.

I adopted 2 beautiful children in 2002; my daughter at 15 months old in March, and my son at 5 days old in November. They are the light of my life. And the process wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be. I used a private social worker, instead of Child Welfare, but you'll find which process works for you best.

8 years ago, when I became an adoptive parent, it was quicker to go through a private social worker. I do not know if this is still the case.

The process can be long, but recognise that it is through this that you are able to work through your emotions and be confident in your decision by the end.

We have had no regrets and love our children more than life.
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Guest
#12 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 1:22:09 PM(UTC)
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This is a very noble idea, well done.

I do however believe that the remarks of 8:29 and 9:11 hold some merit. It should not be seen as a racial attack, but as a sincere request to look at people of your background, race, colour - call it what you will.

Please consider this. Don't decide beforehand what is the right thing to do. You said it yourself, you are meeting the relevant people later this week. Get some more opinions before you decide on a race you want to adopt.
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Guest
#13 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 1:26:27 PM(UTC)
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I adopted my nine year old daughter when she was 6 mnths old through TLC Ministries and also used a private Social worker.
I am a single parent and had no problems with the process, except for the fact that it took 2 years for the papers to be officially approved,
my daughter still lived with me during that time. She has added so much joy to my life, and its an absolute honour to be her Forever Parent.
All the best with your path. Love and Light.
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cazzieb
#14 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 1:27:59 PM(UTC)
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It is wonderful that you want to adopt. That you have the idea of a little black girl in your mind's eye is not an issue - funny thing - I have the same picture in mine. Funny how people latch onto the race thing and yet they don't find an issue with you specifically wanting a girl. They could just as well latch on to that as well. SO SILLY.

For the critics out there, here is the South African reality: the waiting list to adopt a white baby can be 5 - 8 years these days. White women abort unwanted children. So there may be white children in the system, but the writer may specifically want to adopt from infanthood and who can judge her for that?? Basically there is very very very little chance of adopting a white baby in this country.

I think you will be giving your little girl an incredible gift - good luck!!
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Guest
#15 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 1:50:41 PM(UTC)
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I would like to say that I think that what you are planning to do is a wonderful thing. You are a shining example to this world and would it not be great if just 10% of mothers out there was willing to take on the challange of adding to their brood. Good luck in your journey.
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Gollywogman
#16 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 2:10:26 PM(UTC)
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Please ignore the senseless race comments above! I think it's honorable that you want to adopt. God bless you on your journey!
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Guest
#17 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 2:37:41 PM(UTC)
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Well done on this decision you are about to take. May God lead you by His Holy Spirit so that you may find fulfillment and be sure on what to do next. Adoption is about giving a child a loving home they need desparately. When you have the means and a heart to do so why not go forward with it? You are blessed to be a blessing to other people. May you be rewarded with abudance in so much that you won't have enough room to contain your blessings. With such a huge stats of orphans out there I will surely take such a step in few years time.
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Guest
#18 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 2:38:18 PM(UTC)
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Well done on this decision you are about to take. May God lead you by His Holy Spirit so that you may find fulfillment and be sure on what to do next. Adoption is about giving a child a loving home they need desparately. When you have the means and a heart to do so why not go forward with it? You are blessed to be a blessing to other people. May you be rewarded with abudance in so much that you won't have enough room to contain your blessings. With such a huge stats of orphans out there I will surely take such a step in few years time.
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Claire_V
#19 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 3:19:50 PM(UTC)
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Its impossible to adopt white children.. the state wont allow it....
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Guest
#20 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 3:27:56 PM(UTC)
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I have three adopted children and all three are black only because there are more black kids out there waiting for homes - race has got nothing to do with it at all. I also had the wonder honour of been a place of safety to a little Indian baby while an adoptive parent was found for her. Please don't make adoption a RACE Issue. It is a wonderful why of providing a little one a stable, loving home to grow up in, instead of been in a Children's Home for the rest of their childhood.
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Guest
#21 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 3:41:26 PM(UTC)
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regarding the issue you all have about 'racist' remarks - it not a case of race, it is culture....
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Black Boy
#22 Posted : Monday, March 15, 2010 3:43:42 PM(UTC)
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Why black?... Try your own culture !!
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