I need some advise. My brother-in-law has a child of 12 with his previous girlfriend. Since the boy was born, my BnL has supported the mom financially and has been as involved as possible. Unfortunately she is the type of ex that uses their child as a way to get as much money out of my BnL as possible and when she does not get her way she threatens that he cannot see his child again.

My BnL and my sister have been married for 5 years now and have two little girls of their own. He still sees his son every 2nd weekend and during school holidays. His ex is also married again. Her current husband earns much more than my BnL and they are living a lot more lavishly than my sister and BnL. However she is demanding more maintenance from my BnL (a R1000 more than the R3000 she is already getting.)

The formula used to calculate what each adult or child cost works out that their expenses are only divided by 5 while my sister and BnL expenses are divided by 7. This means that the bigger cost (the ex living in a huge expensive house in an expensive neighbourhood, driving a new car every year, DSTV, internet, and her total fuel consumption for the month, groceries, etc,) is divided by 5 and the smaller combined income of my sister and BnL is divided by 7. So they have a smaller portion of a smaller income for their kids and a bigger portion of a much bigger expense to cover in the maintenance. Then over and above that the ex then adds on the usual child's pocket money, school fees, clothes, medical, etc.

My sister and BnL lives in a cheaper house and cheaper neighbourhood, does not have DSTV or internet, does not drive new cars, (in fact they cannot afford to buy a car at all at the moment and have to drive two wrecks.) In addition, they still have to spend money on the boy when he comes to them on weekends, give him pocket money to spend when with them, buy him clothes to wear when he is with them and always do the picking up and dropping off for his weekends and holidays from her house at their own expanse.

My question is why is it legal that my sister and BnL have to spend less money on their two girls because they cannot afford to live lavishly but the ex is demanding a bigger maintenance based on her bigger combined income. Is the maintenance not supposed to be less because she is now married and has a combined income and the fact that my sister and BnL has to spread their smaller combined income further? This is not right. How can the girls have to live with less be

Is there anyone out there that has some advise. How is it that some moms have to beg for financial support from their baby-daddies and get a pathetic R750 a month, while other moms use their kids to supplement their personal income? Is there any legal recourse?

WELL I HAD TO GIVE ALL MY DETAILS CONCERNING MY INCOME TO MY BOYFRIENDS EX GIRLFRIENDS LAWYER IN COURT AND WE ARENT EVEN MARRIED YET BUT HAVE A DAUGHTER TOGETHER . BUT SHE ALSO HA A BOYFRIEND AND HE DIS NOT HAVE TO SHOW THE COURT ANY OF HIS INCOME ? I THINK THATS SO UNFARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, it doesn't make sense. But what I have learnt from my experience as a divorced parent and from being in a relationship with a divorced father is that these things never are fair. The man I was in a relationship with always paid is financial responsibilities to his children first and then contributed to our household. My ex-husband, on the other hand, had to contribute most of his income to the household he was living in (with his fiancée), which meant no contribution for his child’s care.

I hear stories about ex-husband paying way too much and ex-wives who find pleasure in sucking their ex-husbands dry.

So, it’s not fair. But always remember that every story has three sides: her version, his version and the truth.