Hi everyone...

This is my first post, I would just like to hear from other parents out there that have adopted a trans racial baby. We picked up our little boy (colored) about two weeks ago and I was just struggling a bit with the bonding issue. I adore him very much however I feel that sometimes I would rather go wash bottles or find something else to do that to spend time with him.

Is this normal?

Does anyone have experience in feeling like this. I have spoken to other parents (biological) and they have said that it took time to bond with their own children... Is there hope for me as I want to give this boy my full love and support...

Thanks

Hi! Congratulations on your new baby! We adopted both our sons so I know where you are! With the first I was lucky that it was love at first sight but with the second it took a little longer. Being a new parent is totally overwhelming and with adoption there is often very little time to really get used to the idea of a real little being - we don't have the luxury of nine months to prepare ourselves emotionally to bond with this little one. But take heart, it does happen. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just cuddle and give affection as much as possible and the next thing you know you will not want to put your baby down. If I can just say three things that may or may not apply (I don't know you): 1. if you are still in the 60 day period it is possible that you are protecting your heart from breaking if the birth mother changes her mind. That's normal. 2. I don't think it makes a difference that yours is a trans-racial adoption. It could be the same issue with any baby. 3. Biological parents sometimes struggle to bond with their babies too. And post-adoption depression is as common as post-natal depression - just less often recognised. If you are feeling like you can't cope, ask for support from your social worker or a sensitive clinic sister. You can always Spaces me on my blog too.

I believe that our babies are perfect for us whether they come to us biologically or through adoption. It may be instant or it may take longer but you will see that your baby is the ideal child for you. In a little while you won't be able to imagine a time when you didn't feel like you loved this little one with every fibre of your being! Good luck and enjoy your journey.

Hi, congratulations with your son!

I know exactly how you are feeling! I had terrible post adoption blues, cried the whole time, isolated myself from other people, ect! I think what makes the adoption situation more complicated is that we can easily feel isolated, because people closest to us don't know the feelings that we are going through! What I got to know over the last 7 yr is that the feeling that we as A/P feel is real and 'normal', it's often not related to adoption....With my first son I often interpreted my own feelings as related or caused by the adoption, or any difficult behavior he had as being related to adoption, but then my 2nd son came along, totally different personality, no hastles and I realized that so many things that I blamed myself for, thinking that it would have been different if it wasn't an adoption issue, is actually just normal development issues, normal emotions, and just that. Don't read to much in to many things...and relax, don't expect so much from yourself, your baby and your situation....Allow yourself to be angry, regretting the situation at times, ect. I'm sure you have so many love to give...and that's all your little one needs!

Me as an adoptive parent sometimes feel that I need to be so greatfull in the eyes of other people to have a baby that there is no space for me to also feel angry or frustrated at my children....We are all just 'normal' parents with 'normal' children!
Good luck, it does get better, when that little one starts recognizing you and kissing you, most of your fears will just settle down!