DAM- What a post, i have the exact same problem. I pay maintanance faithfully and while she does allow me to see my son he may not sleep over or anything like that. The degree of divorce states when he is 5 he may come to me for visits, he is now 5 and the problem is that she is in JHB and I am in CT. I call him and I do visit him but as anyone can imagine I have a job so visiting him is not always possible - both operationally or financially. The next step is she with holds him and she has even gone as far as telling him that I am not his father, he has told me this but she runs to me for financial assistance on all his bills, I do pay maintanance but she always needs extra. When I do call him and he is by his grand mother I wish you guys would hear the diffrence in my son - he is the best and he talks and explains his day to day but when he is with her he wont even talk to me. He does LOVE my current girlfriend and he does always want to talk to her, so that is an added bonus.

I do pray in my heart that when he is older he will see what is happening and let me be who I need to be and who I am. He is the only grandson on the paternal side and he is my fathers pride and joy - I made him phone my dad on his birthday and it reduces my dad to tears. I would love to have him see my dad as well as my dad also always sends birthday and xmas gifts for him but there is no contact with my parents. My dad has seen him once in person and that was at birth.

I have approached the leagal route after she tried suing me for more maintanace and I had to go to JHB for the court session. 2 weeks before the court date she sms's me saying she cancelled court so it was not needed to come up, I never went and the friday I get a call that a warrent for my arrest has been issued for contempt. ( I never received a supeoana)

I know he is my son and since our divorce I have had 1 girlfriend she has had about 10 guys in her life and that is not what I want for him as that is no example.

I am willing to do what it takes and I will do what it takes but the SA law in on the mothers side and that leaves me without hope. If there is anyone with any advise I will gladly appreciate the assistance and if possible please email me the info to

metrorescue015@yahoo.com.

Thank you and Kind Regards
FED-UP

The Family Advocate is the way to go. It is free and they represent the child rather than the father or mother....
Fathers for Justice works closely with the Family Advocate.

It seems fathers are biting the bitter brunt of divorce every time in SA. I had a child with my ex (unplanned), wich at that stage we could not afford to keep but did. I fell in love with her from the get go, my ex did not like that how ever and soon started making plans to leave me, which she did when the little one was 7 months old.I actually tried to help her, I gave her a camera, video camera and a laptop and photo printer and all I asked was that she keep me updated with her growth and progress,while paying her an agreed amount of money towards the childs expenses and paying her cresh fees. She bluntly refused to send me anything, then filed for divorce wich I never wanted or agreed with. Without any signature from me how ever, we are now divorced and I am forced to pay her a fortune in maintenance (wich is very soon coming to an end, after a long battle).I am obviously allowed access to the child but its very difficult, I stay in Cape Town and the mother decided to move to Bloemfontein. Im to appear in court again on Thursday for my claim in reduction of maintenance. What has this world come to when one parent can decide a childs future.

Hi i dont let my daughters father take her from my home i do have my reasons ane of them is that he is a liar and im not going to let him hurt her with his lies and unrelyable is that so wrong of me.

Gee, but you sure have ISSUES!

For the first time in the history of this country, the fathers get some rights, and you have a problem with it.

Why don't you read the Children's Act PROPERLY?
The Children's Act is about the RIGHTS OF THE CHILDREN!

Children have the right to free and unrestricted access to BOTH parents.

What YOU think of your ex has no bearing on the matter - with you being an ex-wife it's a given that you still have abandonment and anger issues with your ex that you need to resolve - but why should your children have to wait for YOU to grow up and become a mature adult, able to deal with personal setbacks without becoming bitchy and vindictive, before they are allowed to have the contact with their father that they not only want, but are entitled to by law?

It's amazing that you believe you can justify your pettiness, bitchiness, and downright vindictiveness by trying to hide it under a cloak of 'concern' for your children - no matter what, NOTHING can justify your proposal of self-righteous withholding of contact between a child and their father, because the root cause of your attitude is not philanthropic concern for your children, but a selfish desire to punish your ex for whatever happened between you, be it real OR imagined.

GROW UP!

Get a life, you sound like my X wife of one year. It's not about YOU or your X so grow up. Your bitter NEED to SATISFY your childish urge to get revenge is pathetic.

I've had to drag my X to court to get the divorce, I pay 100% of my childs financial cost including FULL medical aid...and guess what, I have to even AFTER the divorce is signed, STILL have to get the lawyers involved to see my little girl. Now a year later she's realised she will never get it right and things are running smoother. She even threatened to move and told her friends it was to screw me. My sister did the SAME thing with her X and ALL the woman I have spoken to BAR 1, all sing the same tune....use the kids to screw the X..All about revenge.

Now you wonder why DADS REFUSE TO PAY MAINTENANCE......woman love to play the guilt trip and how it's your responsibility yet, you do TOTALLY the opposite when we want to see our children.

If the father is "unrealible"...or a liar.....then let the CHILD find out what he is like...because you opinion is BIASED and as such, you just FORCING your pathetic emotions onto a child...

This really gets me angry when I see X's doing this...people, it's about the CHILDREN...NOT YOUR NEED TO GET REVENGE!!!!