Hi there all

Please help with a little info.

Im a divorced father with 3 kids for 8 years now
2 are from my ex wife and the 3rd i adopted as my own. My ex had another child after we were divorced and he left even before she gave birth. I since have stepped in an taken on the role of "dad" she is now 7 my other 2 are 11 and 9

I stay in jhb and the kids were growing up in mosselbay. The whole of last week and to date i have yet been able to contact them, left messages tried phoning plenty.
This morning a get a shock of a phone call from their school which i pay for. "do i know that my ex has taken them out of school on friday and has moved to somewhere in cape town?"

So via the grape vine i gather she has moved to capetown with the new boyfriend and i am left in the dark. We have joint custody. This is not the first time but the 6th!!

what are my rights . What can i do.

When we were married we stayed here in Jhb. We got divorced here .. i Saw my kids every weekend for 3 years before she moved to Plettenberg bay. (without my consent) i found out from her sister where she had moved to.
I drove down there every second weekend end for 6 months before she moved again.Every time she has moved i seem to be the last to know. Its only when the owner of the house that i end up paying for that she has moved into phones me to tell me she's moved out , is when i get to know. And so it continues.

Since she's been in mosselbay she has moved house 4 times within the city limits.
Since they became old enough to fly as unaccompanied minors they have racked up those miles flying roughly every 3 months until now. Return now is roughly R5200.
The schooled phoned me as i have a great relationship with the school and try be as much involved from here as possible.I pay their schooling. As i paid for this month and the kids are not there they were as they should be .. concerned. They even asked her if I knew the girls were being taken out. She lied to them and said yes.They know she has moved to Cpt .. but not where in.

I phone the girls almost daily. I bought them a phone so i could. Mom kept her phone off at times so i could not. best solution was to buy them there own. a Laptop for skype too.

Yes she has moved .. got hold of the owner and she has confirmed that she is not in the house.

I have nothing to hide. I support my daughters. I pay for the education, their clothes, food, the medical aid. even for the dogs vet bills.. oh and the rent of what ever house she stays in.

Im not wealthy at all but I promised my daughters that when they got above 1.2 m (min ride height) i would take them to disney world. 2008 i did , i saved every cent to fore-fill that promise.

I have always been of the understanding that divorced fathers have no rights. so i have never done anything. But more and more often i hear that we are gaining rights so i would like to find out where i stand.

Dear Parent

I take my hat off to you.

I was a divorced woman for 2yrs and 6mths before I re-married. I have 2 children from my previous marriage and what I can say is that my ex-husband failed to pay the agreed maintenance amount the very first month after our divorce. My youngest was hardly 2mths old when we got divorced and I had to see to more than what I should have as a single parent at the time. He recently lost his job and without telling me he just decided to pay me not even a bare minimum. My oldest is nearly 6yrs old and my youngest will be 3yrs old soon.

Before I re-married, my now husband, accepted me with both my kids and has re-assured me that he will always try to give them the best in this life by assuring that they receive the best education and become someone someday. Despite the children being closer to my husband than what they are to their own dad, he will always say that when they are older, he will make sure that they always interact with their dad, as it is for the kids to make their own decision and not be influenced.

I am sure that if you seek the correct professional help, that you will be granted full custody of your children as it clearly sounds to me that your ex-wife has some serious issues and this is not good for the upbringing of your children; especially since they are girls, what type of role model is their Mom to them?

I sympathize with you during this difficult time, but if a husband and wife divorce, I only think it is fair that the more stable one between the two are given full custody unless they are equally stable in their lives. It's not right that your kids are being raised by being taken away from you and with you now not having access to them, but it sure sounds that your ex-wife thinks that your money is good enough, but that you are not.

I also find this odd
I have an ex-wife and so do some few freinds of mine
There is no way in hell that any of them would leave that
kind of cash for no reason (you paying for everything right ?)
and overseas holidays and domestic flights ?????

C'mon dude - what did u do ? :o)

Hi there

My ex managed to change my kids surname - witkout my permission and then left the country to New Zealand. It took me 7 years to trace them.

Maybe have a look at www.f4j.co.za - good web site with some good support and advice

Mark, I have been there done that. My successful custody battle cost me over R70K. I have long fetl that that both my attorneys and those of my ex were colluding to maximise their respective fees. I now regret not approaching Fathers 4 Justice and even applying for custody as my ex now has no interest in my child. She probably knows that you will run after her and still pay for their upkeep. Be firm and take them away from her. And why are you paying for her pleasure with another man? You should never have adopted the 3rd child.

Mark, the best thing for you to do, and you need to do it immediately, is contact Gary from Fathers For Justice (www.f4j.co.za) for advice.

Gary will give you sound, considered, and (above-all) LEGAL advice - don't bother with people who question your motives and your timings. They are YOUR children, YOU have rights according to the law, and that is the end of the matter - just find out how to exercise those rights and do so, to the fullest extent possible.

I'm afraid that the time for pussyfooting is over - being nice, and allowing your ex-wife time, space, etc. is going to backfire on you big-time - but MOST especially, it's damaging your children. Your children are your top priority - NOT your ex-wife and her problems. So just do what you have to do, and get your children back into a stable, ordered environment, under your own control - one where the place they call home STAYS their home, and doesn't change according to which creature your ex-wife feels like bonking this time around...

Put your children first, and to HELL with your ex-wife - she's broken the law, and you now have the means to redress that wrong, permanently, purely and especially for your children's sake. So do it.

My daughter was abducted by her father in 2000. In my case she was taken overseas by his current wife, with her child to join him. I was a lucky parent, I eventually got my daughter back!

You still have rights and these are enforced by law. First go to the police station as suggested by another Guest. Also contact the Family Advocates Office in Johannesburg as this is where you are living. You will need a copy of your marriage cert, your Divorce decree and Custody Documents as well as the adoption papers for the other child. You will probably also need proof of your payments for the children, although I was told that this has nothing to do with them being taken without your knowledge. If you have any other supporting documentation take that too. You will also need to be calm and put things across clearly. Don't get emotional.

The police refused to open a case of abduction so I went to the very top and worked back down the ladder! Stand your ground! I did everything legally, but crossed every T and dotted every I. Be methodical and write everything down. Keep a diary of some sort, it will help with facts. DO get in touch with Fathers for Justice! Have a good set of friends to talk to and bounce things off. Listen carefully.

Good luck and best wishes in sorting this awful mess out.

Thank you to all (well almost) for the help and feed back
I spoke to attorney yesterday but it was strange. it basically was .. how much money do you have and i will tell you how far im prepared to go. He tossed a figure of R300k around ...? Holy shit.

I think ive always felt that because i have not gone the the legal route to piss her off, i have been able as it may to an extent have "visitation" to my kids. I feel sad now cause this is the route i have to go and i know its going to be a while before i see my kids again. .. before they see their 10 month old brother., , big step. both emotionally and mentally. Im going to miss them.

Hi Mark
If you have an order of court detailing your contact regimen. Go to your local police station and lay criminal charges against the mother for breach of order of court. Please note that the junior policeman behind the desk in the charge office doesn’t know the law from his elbow so please insist on seeing a senior police official and a senior prosecutor to lay the charges if need be. Please note that these people do not like prosecuting – it is NOT there decision. The only person that can stop this is the magistrate.
You also do not have to lay the charges in the jurisdiction of where the children reside on two counts
1. You don’t know where they are.
2. Your ex has committed a criminal offence so you can lay the charges anywhere in SA.
You are going to need additional help o this from a legal aspect so contact me on www.f4j.co.za so I can point you in the right direction.
All the best
Gary
F4J