I am just glad there is a space like this to chat about all issues regarding adoption. Hope to find many friends in similar situation here. We can learn from each other! Great idea!:d/ :d/

Message was deleted by a User.

I'm 39 year's old and found out 3 years ago. I've started my search now only. It's taken 3 years for me to build up the courage. However, now that I've started, it feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I'm also planning on telling my adoptive mother that I know about the adoption and I want to thank her for being such a wonderful mother. Hope she doesn't freek out!

Hopefully I will be able to be a adoptive parent one day. In all the prosessed at the moment. My questions, whould you have prefered to have known from a young age that you were adopted? I am already thinking on how I will tell my two children one day. i do not want this to be a difficult thing for them. I want them to embrace life and become the best they can one day and have wonderful lives.

My husband and I adopted both our children. I assume yours was a "matched" adoption otherwise it would be obvious that your daughter was adopted. Ours was also a "matched" adoption in that our children look like they are our biological children.

We have told our children about their adoption since they were tiny babies. Telling them their stories was just one of many bedtime stories they were told. In the beginning it was more for us than for them - for us to get used to the words we wanted to use. For example, I thought that I would call their birth mother their tummy mummy but when I started telling them their stories I found I wasn't comfortable using that term. We also read them adoption story books along with all their other story books. We socialise with other familes formed through adoption. So adoption is part of their lives, something they have always known and they know other similar families. It's nothing unusual for our children. It's something they can talk about and ask about when they want to, which isn't very often, although they do love hearing their stories.

My advice would be to tell your daughter as soon as possible. Otherwise you run the risk of her finding out from someone else and there could be very real trust issues. Some children who are only told later or who find out by accident feel betrayed by their parents and find it difficult to trust their parents. Along the lines of, "If they lied to me (even if the "lie" was by ommission) about this, what else have they lied to me about?" I would not wait until she is 12 and starting to go through teenagey-type identity issues. Those teenage years can be difficult for children who were adopted so better to have let her processed the fact that she was adopted before then. The longer you keep her story a secret from her the more chance there is of her feeling like it something to be ashamed of when nothing could be further from the truth. Adoption is just another way to have a family and your daughter needs to know that. She needs to know that she is special because you chose her to be your child and you are her parents in every way that matters - you love her and will always be her parents.

There is a wonderful website called www.adoptivefamilies.com that gives advice on Talking about adoption and has forums on everything to do with adoption. Good luck! I hope the telling goes well and that you can be open with your daughter and answer all of her questions as honestly and age-appropriately as possible.

Sorry but your paed is in an idiot. At 12 your daughter will be dealing with puberty starting and all the life changes that brings. The last thing she needs is to find out at the same time that she is adopted. You should have been telling her right from the word go, so that it would never be a big shock but simply a fact of life that she grew up with. The best thing you can do is to tell her asap. At 8 you should have started sex education, so that can be a starting point for the conversation. Tell her that she didn't grow in your tummy, she grew in someone else's who loved her very much but could not give her a good home. Or whatever the situation was, as long as you don't lie to her. If you are worried about this, consult a child psychologist who has experience of working with adopted kids. Make sure that you and your husband agree on what you are going to tell her, and if necessary also chat to other family members and her teacher. Take care.

Adopted 2 little one's, started telling them at around 2. oldest one is now 5 and he is asking questions, little one is 3 he doesnt understand yet but he knows the story. start as early as possible...

Hi Adopted Dad, thanks for your interesting comment. Please DM me regarding your wife's story, as it may be suitable to publish on Parent24.

I think you should tell her now, I've known as long as i can remember. Tell her as soon as possible, if she grows up knowing it will be less of an issue.

Hi, I haven't adopt a child and I'm not adopted, but I'm looking for a girl that my mother gave up for adoption when she was a teenager. I found out a few years ago, and I really want to meet my sister. I don't have any details, but my mother is Martha de Beer (van Staden) and as far as I know, she was in Eastlynn in Pretoria in the 1960's when she gave her up for adoption. A few years ago, the girl left a photo with a message "jy ken my nie, maar ek is jou dogter" in the post box, but unfortunatelly it was in another lady's post box (two houses from my mother) that had the same name and surname as my mother. My mother never told anyone, but my mother's sister gave me some details. I really want to meet her. Please contact me.