This must be SO annoying. But I have to side with your husband, there is nothing for it but to let this flow over you like water. She'll eventually get bored with this game if you don't play.

Here's what you do. She is trying to get a reaction from you so just don't give her one. If she mentions it again, leave the room. Keep leaving the room and every time she tries to pick a fight just put your finger over your mouth to tell her to shush and if she keeps going at you just get in your car and go visit friends, stay the night if you must and if you husband calls just point out to him that you are uncomfortable in your own home and you don't deserve that.

Marriage is leaving you parents to cling to each other. Parents then become equal to friends, that is they are outside the area of influence. It is the mans job to protect his wife, and if mother/father is breaching the boundary then he must spring to her defense and tell the offender where to climb off. Your husband must protect you from his mother by coming to your defense, when this occurs. Mom might be cross for awhile but she will get over it.

I have a MIL from HELL and my husband is a honey where it comes to that, he does not force me to have any interactions with her against my wishes.
On Christmas day i opt to work so i only had to see her for two hours. He had the whole day with her.

So this is to all the hubby's that understand that their mothers does not want any other woman in their son's lives and keep them away from us, i give a high five.

Your situation is a MIL for HELL that wants to offend you in all the ways possible, just ignore her and if she continues of do things behind your Hubby's back make a recording of it and let him listen to it in her presence, i did that and now she is hardly speaking to me or mentioning the ex..... ( i do not know if she mention it in my absence but i do not care).

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply.

My MIL is seroiusly from another planet. I will heed all your advice but putting
it into practise will surely be more difficult, but hey, nothing is impossible right?

Right...?
I certainly hope not because this woman is turning me into someone i'm not.

Hi, I was just checking the web listing the very same issue and that's how I came to this site. O.k how about my husband's ex is a murderer that just got parole, my mother in law went to the hearing to support her. There have been family gatherings where she blurts out that this woman wanted to tell everyone "Hi" and that she is doing well. I guess my problem with this is that I feel if she is going to keep a relationship with this person, that it not be thrown in my face, my husband shouldn't be given updates on this person or messages passed.

The Mother-in-Law is a passive-aggressive. She says and does thing that you know are aimed at you but in a very public way. The tone etc sounds perfectly reasonable so nobody else really understands the dig that it is. You can't ignore a passive-aggressive personality. They thrive on the fact that you are uncomfortable - that's why they do it!! Leaving the room, leaving the house is exactly the reaction they want. They can then turn to others, with that hurt, bewildered expression they've perfected, and point out your thoroughly unreasonable behaviour. Don't bother to have a private conversation with them about their behaviour either. They'll back down when confronted but in public the same thing will continue to happen. The only way to deal with a passive-aggressive person is to confront them publicly each time they pull one of their stunts. Do it very firmly and very politely...such as, "I've noticed you've mentoned the ex several times today and it makes me uncomfortable which you know. So why do you keep doing it?" Sudddenly they have to explain their behaviour and that is NOT part of the plan. You nail them consistently and after a couple of weeks they'll find another victim.

Trust me on this

i have the problem with my father-in-law, i do not have a mother-in-law.

he has tried to whore my husband of to other woman. he at one stage told my hubby to leave me the job there is a woman inthe south with a car a house and she will look after him, my hubby did not even know the woman.

i told him to do it.

the other day he made a cocky comment about me. i stood up to him. if he says i am a bad house keeper then i tel him yes i am a very bad house keeper. i am not scared. he still does not like me, and you know what I DONT CARE!

if they say something bad about you tell them with a smile on your face that they are right! they will soon stop with there comments

Hi,
I have a mother in Law from Hell, even before we married she started her nonsense, originally from Zimbabwe my husband is an only child. I have had to put up with her telling me she will be so glad to have her own grandchildren, even though I have a small son. I have been accuswsed of stopping her speaking to her grandchildren on the phone even when I have not been present when the call arrives. They ask my husband for money and I am not suppossed to know about it. Phone calls two, three times a day wanting to know what my husband is doing. I now try to stay out of her way and ignore her, I honestly do not talk to her and if she is in my house i go to another room. My husband thinks its normal and still lets his mother rule him, me I wish I knew what I was marrying into!!

Okay here is what you do - you tell him to get his mother to stop. easy as.
As a man i would never allow my mother to do that to my wife, ever. and since she is my mother it would be my responsibility to control the situation, if things got that ad i would ban her from visiting my house.
If he isnt willing to stand up for you , then he is a weak man.
then you need to make an appointment with his mother in private - and simply say to her that if this behaviour continues , it will cause a family fall out. and ask her who she thinks her son will choose. if she says her - tell her you will ask her again when you are pregnant. (not that thats the plan)

its sad - this is a man who is suposed to be willing to die for you, but he is still scared of mommy. its a crying shame.