Please help. I have a little terrorist that i am afraid i am loosing control of.

She is an only child and there are no plans to add to the family. At times, she is the sweetest, most lovable girl in the world. Today, she had a friend over and she was winey & tearful when the little friend did not want to play the games she had picked & at times and was down right rude to my husband and me, telling us we did not care for her. The friend has gone home and her bad behaviour has continued. She apologises when she has calmed down & I can see that she is embarresed over her behaviour, but within a short time she reverts back to a little monster.

Being an only child we are very conscious of the fact that she should not spend too much time in the company of adults & make a concerted effort to have a friend over to play every Saturday. We understand that the concept of comprimise is too much for her to comprehend at the moment, but it is very clear that if things do not go her way we have an episode which includes crying, screaming & whining along with the added benefit of playing one parent up against the other.

She has threatened us to take her to the orphanage and i dont know where she has got that idea. i dont know how to solve this problem!!

She is very insecure at the moment. This time last year, she was very independant. She cant even go to the toilet by herself. I believe that my husband and me are very good and understanding parents. Our daughter goes to a good school and has a very good support network. Obviously we have made mistakes like spoiling her at times.

Right now she is in her room and grounded but screaming her lungs out.

Maybe there is another problem that you are not aware of. Did someone hurt her in some way or another.

The other side: It is hard, but remember, that our kids use us as role model. They see what we do, how we react and what we say. I made the same mistake and learned from it.

Talk to her. Set some ground rules and tell her that you do it because you love her. If you leave it now, you really are going to feel like running away when she hit teenager.

Good luck

Do yourself a favour and take her to an orphanage or State place of safety for children. Let her spend an hour or two there and you will have a little angel on your hands - for a while anyway! :0)

I think there might be more to this than the eye can see.

Children learn from their parents, and sometimes we as parents do not teach our children everything. Maybe the whining and crying is just a way she uses to try and express an emotion. I would suggest you spend time and get her to try and explain what she feels - feelings becoming important in a young lady's life at about this age.

Lastly, I would suggest using the following (as a parent coach I work with parents applying this as well):

1. Choice and consequences - let her make more choices and then face the music on based on these choices. Let me give you and example: she wants to eat in front of the tV. There are two choices here - a) she eats in front of the TV but it is switched off, b) you eat at the table as a family and she can watch TV later. Ultimately she is making the choices. Apply this and you should be able to change her bahaviour in a positive way.

2. Responsibility - this follows on from the above. Give her certain tasks and chores to do. She needs to take responsibiltiy as this will also aid in improving self esteem (something that is needed?).

3. Love and Support - stand by your child based on the decisions made. Be consistent and allow her to face the music when a bad decision was made. BUT, also praise when good decisions were made, and when she showed some responsibility.

The ulitmate aim should be to raise self esteem. A child with a very good self esteem is also better equiped to handle peer pressure.

PS. I found that sending my child to drama classes really improved his self confidence and self esteem.