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Husband not interested in looking for another job.
Guest
#49 Posted : Wednesday, May 19, 2010 12:04:46 PM(UTC)
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Find out what is it that he would like to do, maybe having a boss is not his cup of tea, he can start a small business that does not need a lot of resources, and even better if he works from home. I suspect that he might be interested in being his own boss. But talking will be the best option, there are easy ways of making money when you are not working at all, like taking kids to school and fetching them and charge a fee from the parents, doing gardening in the neighborhood. Play around with solutions and obviously sending his CV in the meantime will help.

Give him space he will come around, every man would love to provide for his family and the men you met was providing for his family.

And pray, pray, pray.
Guest
#35 Posted : Wednesday, May 19, 2010 12:11:27 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
He is NOT a good dad, and NOT a good husband. No need to divorce the poor guy yet though, after all, you promised to stay with him in times of trouble. This is his time of trouble. You can be sympathetic but if you make it too easy for him to give up, he will, he has. He needs to know that he's got to get it together and take care of his responsibilities.


when you been married for 8 years and he has been unemployed for 5 of those 8 and refuses to do a "woman's" job. what are you to do? it makes sense to get rid of the weight that is causing the issues around the house, the kids are unhappy, dad refuses to get out of bed before 10. and all the financial, emotional and physical duties are left to the wife? she has two children to look after, her husband should not be her responsibility as well, especially when you have promised to be equal. and being equal is contributing 50/50. if that relationship now lies at 10/90. is that fair? is it fair that the children are suffering financially and emotionally because one of their parents couldn't be bothered to help himself, he has been given every bit of help his wife can give him, and its been thrown back in her face? is it fair that the money and time she has invested in him has been taken for granted. do you think its fair to invest in something/someone that doesn't give back? Any business man would tell you not too, every relationship therapist will tell you its more damaging. Don't you think it would be wiser to move on, so the time wasted could be put to better use - like feeding, clothing & schooling your children. Invest in your own and your childrens future and not in someone who will not invest in himself given the chance.
Guest
#50 Posted : Wednesday, May 19, 2010 1:01:47 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:

And pray, pray, pray.


Why pray, doesn't the celestial dictator know he has a problem, if he is almighty he should know of his plight so there's no need to pray, or do you think that you are so special that the celestial dictator will suspend or change his grand plan just for you ! ?, what wonderful arrogance it is to think that prayer will resolve one's personal problems, that's wishful thinking.

Assuming responsibility for one's own actions is what brings about results and NOT WISHFUL THINKING which is what praying is.
Guest
#51 Posted : Thursday, May 20, 2010 11:45:55 AM(UTC)
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My question still stands " IS HE LAZY IN BED TOO ? " If yes , file for divorce . If no , sit back and enjoy him in bed .
Guest
#52 Posted : Thursday, May 20, 2010 3:42:22 PM(UTC)
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DEAR EDITOR

there are some crude and pretty downright infantile comments with sexual overtones/ inuendos

i appreciate free speech and that these are probably just 1 or 2 stupid individuals

but if postings are moderated like said, why do these non valuable immature comments get published
Indy
#53 Posted : Thursday, July 15, 2010 3:46:26 PM(UTC)
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The fact that you are saying he is now depresed worries me. I cant judge you or him without knowing you guys but I was raised in such families. My mother did everything any human could do to get my father to work but it never worked. When I was very young he had a business. All I remember abt it, is people coming to the shop saying he is at some drinking place and is asking for cash. Envuntually the business went under. My mother put her hard earned cash into the business tryng to revive it but it never survived his drinking. Then my mother would spend money on trainings and start up businesses for him which never materialised. The only thing that was interesting to his was his drinking. I guess he was never always like that otherwise I believe my mom wouldnt have married him cause she is a smart and strong woman. I love her with all my heart but I still cant find it in me to forgive her for staying in that marriage. She keeps saying it was because she didnt want us to grow up without a father. This is why I hate these F4J crap cause sometimes its better for the children to grow up without one. One of my child would memories is of the day that he came back from his drinking binj in the early hours of the morning. he left his car at the gate, come in a beat all of us up including my mother bcoz she tried to stop him. The reason for this beating was because we did not wake up to go open the gate for him. Then when we opened the gate, my mother was lying on the drive way from the beating, he almost drove over her becasue "she is stpid woman who thiks is all that because she is making money."

Like I say, she stayed she is still with him, but it would have done me as the only daughter a lot of good if she had left. I now have a father that I have to smile to and buy birthday gifts for that deep down I dispise with every born in my body. I do this because she would be too hurt if I did would I would like to do to him, which is killing him really.

While on the other hand if she had left, i would have spent my life idiolising him and visiting him sometime but not staying long enough to know how terrible he really is. I would have been a happy daughter in my view. I also think, if he didnt have her to buy homes and cars he would have found himself a job because he would have ended up homeless and the way I see him, he likes the high life and wouldnt dare have it in otherway.

So I am not telling you what you must do, but sometimes man are just that man.
Guest
#54 Posted : Thursday, July 15, 2010 5:42:03 PM(UTC)
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Sorry Indy for what you had to go through. I had the choice to - whether i stay with my partner because it was good and right and be a "family" or i think of the well being of my daughter. I chose my daughter and I thank god every day that I did what I did. Because he turned out to be a horrible/sick/evil man.
Guest
#55 Posted : Tuesday, February 22, 2011 7:33:16 PM(UTC)
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I got the same problem and giving up on really having the dream of a 2 paycheck relationship. if you happen to divorce and want a working man and my girl doesnt then lets work together.ok
Lilith_Skye
#56 Posted : Thursday, May 26, 2011 4:21:27 PM(UTC)
Lilith_Skye

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I was in a similar situation a few years back.

My fiance and I ( we werent married but had a baby) , were both retrenched within 2 months of each other. After struggling really hard for months on end to find jobs, he just basically gave up. At one stage I worked as a cashier at a bakery, earning only R2000 a month, having to support all 3 of us while he sat at home doing nothing. Another cashier position opened at the bakery, and they offered that he go work there. When I told him about the job, he just replied with, "No thanks, I dont wanna be a cashier, its degrading." I mean, what the hell?

I decided that it is not worth it. Even though I loved him with all my heart and he was a fantastic father, I just couldnt take it anymore. Never having enough food and not being able to send our baby to school, it was horrible and he just didnt care because his mom sent us money each month, so why does he need to try.

Even till this day, he doesnt pay maintenance and doesnt help to support his daughter.

I know it is very different because you are married, and it isnt just something you decide overnight. But the question is, how long will he keep it up? If you earn enough money to support your family I can understand, but when it comes to keeping head above water, he needs to step up, soon.
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