The other morning when I went to wake my 16-year-old son he had his phone on the pillow next to him, still on mixit. I am not worried about the mixit, except that he is obviously on it late at night and I worry that he doesn't get to sleep early enough. He is difficult to wake in the morning, but so are many teens. I have asked him not to go on mixit in bed at night, but I don't want to come down heavily on him about it, as he is such a good boy in every other way. What seems like a reasonable rule to make about this? Or is he too old for me to be involved in his bedtime?

For all you idiots now finding out that parenthood is responsible job why did you not give it more thought when you pulled down your pants?

My initial reaction is that, at 16, you shouldn't really be making a big deal of his bedtime unless it's having some effect on another area of his life. You don't give much detail, but if for instance his getting out of bed late delays everyone else and makes mornings more stressful then by all means impose a penalty for staying up so late. similarly, if his late nights are affecting his mood or schoolwork or something else important then yes, impose boundaries - it's your house and your rules. But if the issue is only about whether he's getting enough sleep - I really wouldn't stress about it as you say he's a good boy in all other respects if this is THE biggest issue then I know of many parents who would love to have your "'problems" . :)

Oh for goodness sake! Get a grip people! Dont you think you sound like your own parents? You cannot fight against the way the world moves for goodness sake. Your parents didnt stop change by moaning and crying any more than you will. You have to deal with it as the adults you are.

To Marian, have you spoken to him about it? Maybe write up an agreement as to the rules of mxit. Make him sign them therefore teaching him to stick to his agreements or face the consequences.

You cannot stop them using technology anymore than you should want to. Rather teach them how to use it responsibly. Always ask yourself - what lesson are you teaching him in the long run. Responsible use is the answer here and consequences if not but communicate, communicate, communicate.

I have 4 sons with the oldest being 21 and the agreed rules worked for us. Did/do they do things behind my back? Maybe but all my boys are well adjusted and have never been in any serious trouble. Neither an iron fist nor complete lack of rules works.

BRAVO to you parents who recommend removing the internet-enabled cellphones!

Removing the internet-enabled phones is the best step any parent can take - cellphones are supposed to be a tool that people use, not a 'drug' which they cannot live without. With Mxit &c. you find children addicted to 'networking', to chatting, to pornography (sexting), even becoming exposed to drugs, all to the detriment of their schoolwork, their social skills, and also their health (growing children need at least eight (8) hours sleep a night, every night).

Your child needs a cellphone for only one thing. To call YOU in case of an emergency. There are MANY cellphones out there that perform that one function (making calls) admirably - such as the Nokia 1208, retailing at around R250-00 - and the added bonus is that these phones are not crime targets/magnets. If your child MUST have a phone, give him one of these plain phone-only units.

You reap what you sow - and if you sow great expectations along with state-of-the-art cellphones and too much personal freedom at an age when they are unable or unwilling to use this responsibly, and you additionally thereby neglect to ensure that the means to achieve same is achieved (an outstanding education), then you will reap an unhealthy child with unrealistic expectations who WILL become frustrated, angry, and rebellious.

A surefire recipe for disaster.

Yes, technology can be good - if used properly. But when (as in this case) it is obvious that the technology is being abused, remove it. The question is continually asked - and the answer is almost never given: What benefit(s), precisely, does Mxit confer on users that cannot be achieved through normal, realistic, face-to-face communication? The answer is, none whatsoever.

There is a time and a place for everything. But learning to socialise is something that happens face-to-face, not via a handheld radio device. And THAT is where most people miss the bus completely. Mxit et al is NOT socialising, nor essential thereto. At best Mxit is an adjunct to healthy, face-to-face socialising. The problem is, socialising should never take precedence over work (school or otherwise), family, or health. Mxit encourages "cypher-socialising" over and above any form of normal human interaction, and as such is dangerous to normal personality development and human relations. The only people who should be using Mxit to socialise are those who are physically unable to interact properly with others - people like Stephen Hawking.

Honestly, does your teenager, like Stephen Hawking, NEED to use Mxit?

You bemoan the fact that those opposed to Mxit etc. "sound like your own parents" - perhaps YOUR parents were stupid, out-of-touch, unrealistic, selfish, and really not concerned with your welfare, guest (although I sincerely doubt it) - but the truth is, most of us had/have parents to whom we were their topmost priority, sometimes even more so than their own welfare, and whose wisdom in the decisions they made and the rules they enforced, made in their love for us, only became apparent to us once we ourselves had matured. If only MORE parents nowadays sounded like their own parents, and not politically-correct little drones whose only common characteristic is a fear of their own children, and a desire to appease all and any desires of their children, even to the detriment of those children's health and education, then perhaps we wouldn't have the problems with youngsters today that we generally do - the drug-taking, the immoral behaviour, the alcoholism, and the lack of a work-ethic.

Get this one thing straight, and all else will follow: your duty as a parent is to lead your children, to set an example to them, and to ensure that their safety in all things is paramount. Your duty is NOT, however, to give in to their every little whim, to run scared from any potential conflict with them, and to justify their shortcomings by trying to be 'reasonable' in all things. Sometimes you actually have to have a spine, to stand up for what is right, and to make a stand against that which is patently wrong. Even if it DOES make you unpopular.
Being unpopular comes with the territory.
It's part of being a good parent.
Mature individuals realise this and accept it.

Oh, and cellphones are NOT a necessity, Guest @ 10 August 2010 11:45:47. They are a privilege. Look up the meaning of the word 'necessity'. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/necessity?fromRef=true). Water, food, and shelter are necessities. Cellphones hardly compare to these.

Just because your children tell you "I MUST have it - I can't LIVE without it", doesn't make something a necessity. It just makes you stupid for believing them.

I think that you should tell him that should he not be more responsible with his phone and the amount of time he spends on it you will have to take it away. Remind him that he is not a baby anymore and that he needs to start acting like a "big boy" or you will have to treat him like a baby.
For every action there is a reaction he must learn that.

As a 22 year old who has just graduated - let me point out a few facts from the child's point of view - if I may?

1) MXit is NOT a necessity, it is simply a tool used to stay in touch with friends. I'm sure back in the day you went out and met up with friends down the road etc - but let's be realistic here: How many of you would let your kids wander the suburbian streets in this day and age? Safety issues abound in even the quietest suburbs and I for one have heard one too many horror stories about kids being kidnapped etc. I personally believe it is the lesser of two evils, and as sad as it is, this is the state of society that we live in.

2) A lot of parents here attribute their child's morals and ethics to their upbringing - which is a valid point. However, having attended a university away from home, I have seen the dangers of molly-coddling your children. I have seen saints turn into sinners and sinners repent and become responsible. Is this because of the way they were brough up - definitely. Is it because they weren't allowed access to MXit at home? Doubtful. Some children just go wild because you as parents have not allowed them to grow on their own and when they hit the real world, they are overwhelmed by choices. I stand by my view that a mature child means a mature relationship.

The bottom line here is that you need to ensure that as your child grows - your relationship grows with him and you treat him like he deserves to be treated. If you don't want him on the phone at that time, ensure he knows it, and knows the repercussions if he is caught with it. Show him why he can't be on at that time, and offer an alternative (maybe he can be on for a while before bed and then he gives you the phone when he goes to bed - it gives him the responsibility and makes it seem like he's in charge of his own decision to give up the phone).

Oh and everyone that says being unpopular as a parent is part-and-parcel of the job? GROW UP! I know enough kids who have ups and downs in their relationships with their parents but still love, respect and care for them.

P.S. From what I can gather from the parents I've talked to - YOUR generation was worse than ours in certain respects, and while we may not be perfect, I can bet my life savings that none of you were model children either.

I can't help noticing most of you that have such strong opinions about " just saying no" still have young / no kids ( my 12 year old had no interest in such things either). there comes a time when you'd better start being a bit more flexible else you end up losing them completely. I know plenty of parents who still think their kids are perfectly innocent of all these modern ills. Truth is these kids are often the worst of the lot....because no one is guiding them through these things - only banning them.

I am a single parent with a 15 year old boy who mix just as much as any other kid - BUT he has a time period in which he can mix - no mixing between 5 and 7 when I get home from work - and no mixing after 9 at night and he is fine with that - then his report came and his marks went down so I took away two days a week, and he is fine with that. The other rule is if he is not allowed to have a lock on his phone so whenever I want to I check it. YES I DO CHECK IT!!! I have a 19 year old too which used to mix just as much when he was 15 and since the TV ads came out where you can download porn from various numbers he used to hide his phone until one day he forgot the phone at home and I checked it and found porn on it. Long story short he wanted to run away to a girl which he met on mixit. It was a tough time being on my own but I got him through his teen years and today I'm quite proud of him

So iv'e learned my lesson and my 15 year old knows that if I find anything illegal on his phone he will be without mixit until he leaves my house to live on his own. I know kids grow up in a different world that we did and that technology moves forward but they are still KIDS and we need to keep them on the right track. And I know a lot of parents will not agree with me checking my kids stuff but hey, if you don't you don't know what they are up to and being kids they will always be up to something!!!

PS. my youngest are only 3 so hopefully by the time he is 15 mixit will be gone!