Married a woman with 2 children which I ultimately adobted. Under the law they now are my children and not my stepchildren. Never regret the day I've done that. But that is just me. For you look at his family relations - How he treat his parents and they him. Also take notice of how they treat their pets if any. Those two golden rules I got from my beloved parents when they were still alive, and is a fail safe indication of the persons worth you are about to marry. With or without children. Your child will be a great barometer for this as well - You cannot fool a child. NS. (These rules are worth passing on to your child.)

I have a step father and he's always treated me like an outsider. I never felt welcome in his house. I was 5 when he married my mom. He always talk about his 3 daughters in conversations which does not include me. It caused me a lot of pain and heartache in my life. I opted to stay with my grandmother because at least there I felt as if I belonged. I am 35 now and I am still healing. I obviously blame my mom as well because she never set him straight. he even prohibited me from seeing my dad. He gave me a big hiding once for seeing my dad. My dad died without me getting to know him. All because of an idiot. My mom and him are happily married with their three daughters. I have totally removed myself from the picture because it is too painful to experience the same thing over and over again. What keeps me going, is the fact that I know that there is a God who sees and hears everything, and recently I could hear that my mom was suffering inside for abandoning me for her own happiness. I know his day will come as well.
If I do get divorced, I will never subject my kids to a step father. Never. Luckily for me, I found a loving husband who loves me. He also grew up with a step father and we understand the importance of protecting our children from such pain.

Hey my dear


I heard all the advices you recieved and i think all of them are great and they left out 1 thing...If you become obidient to your man and keep your relationship healthy he will adore you and your kid, parallel to this is the fact that you need to know if he loves people and kids naturally and it will be easy for him to have a relationship with her. I was brought up by a step father and its difficult even if i got along with him.

NB: Prepare yourself for a life long challenge and prayer because by all means you will have to be the peace maker for as long as she is still under your care. On the brightside she will grow up and move out like i did.


Best of Luck nothing is perfact in this world

My wife had 3 children when I met her. I love my wife & her 3 children. Sometimes I dont like them, but I am the grown-up here and I have to be the responsible one. The best gift I can give them is to love their mother.

Yes, you need to be happy, to be with someone you love, but your first responsibility is to your daughter - she relies on you to love her, protect her, and give her only the best.
I am a stepfather to one of my sons: met his mother when he was around 9months old. I worked hard at loving the little guy, and it was hard work. He went from being a precious little baby, to my best little tiger, to the wonderfully crazy 6 year old that he is today. I adore the guy and he means the world to me.
A good man can deal - and love - stepchildren. You've been together for 3 years, he should love your stepdaughter by now. You'll be able to tell. If you can't tell, either you're not looking or he's not showing. Wait, be certain.

Hi, I have been married for 11 years to my husand and I promise you he does not just say he loves my daughter - he has proven it over and over and over. There is nothing he would not do for her. What I have done is to help them build a relationship of respect between the two of them. One way was I would never disagree with my husband in front of her when he is disciplining her that way she always saw us as 1 unit...she knows she is loved and she is so carefree around him that she is not afraid to talk to him about things that I may not even be aware of. I say if you give your man a chance to be a father to your child, he will be. You just need to ensure that you spend time together as a family so that the child knows that you are a team and its not her you and her step father.

To whoever said that he will love her if only she is well-behaved: That's just crap. Remember, it is the job of the parent to love a child NO MATTER WHAT they do (not meaning you OK their transgressions, but you damn sure still love them and make sure that although you are angry, hurt and disappointed, they can still count on your love).

As someone who is 30 years old and still haunted by scars so deep you can not imagine because of a step father who made everyone believe that he loved me and my brother like his own while really he just wanted to dominate, control and hurt us, for whom nothing was ever good enough, we were NEVER "obedient" and well-behaved enough, no matter how hard we tried, and tried we sure did, while nobody, not even our mother, believed us - only our grandmother could see how we became more and more damaged each year, and she was powerless to do anything but love us and try her best to talk sense into my mother, I can tell you this:

To this day, because of his abuse (which never left a physical scar, I hasten to add) I can not function normally, and have to reside in a mental care facility from time to time - and that's just the tippy tip of the ice berg. Is your desire to have a husband so great that you will put your vulnerable daughter, who relies on you for protection, at risk of even a fraction of that pain, just so you don't feel a little bit lonely sometimes? Because that's what some parents do.

Watch how your to-be husband acts when he's with her, and try to sneak in and watch them when he DOESN"T know you're even in the house. Does he insult her, damage her psychologically, and then call them "jokes"? Does he wound her with his words or his hands? How does he talk to her when he doesn't know that you are on the premises? What does SHE say about him? LISTEN TO HER and call off the wedding if she says anything alarming, please, I am begging you.

Maybe your particular fiance will be fine with your daughter - I have friends getting married soon, where their 5-year old daughter isn't his, and he loves her to bits and dotes on her, and she loves him to bits, so it CAN work out, but you must listen to your child and act accordingly.

Further, when you DO marry, do NOT let the step-parent be a disciplinarian of your kids at all. Sorry, but that's how it's got to be - the step parent can have all the fun, all the love and all the hugs, but they cannot be the one wielding the (actual or metaphorical) rod, or saying when/how it must be used.

If she tells you something that alarms you, never make it off as "just a joke" or a "misunderstanding".

I hope it works out for you, and especially for your daughter.

I am a step daughter and I know for a fact that my step dad was more of a dad to me than my real dad. He would sit with me night after night to help me get my grade 11 and Matric maths done and understood, despite MANY tears from my side he stood by me and hlped me.
He walked me down the aisle at my wedding and he has supported me in everything I do.
I had a child last year and he even loves her with all his heart as if it was his own grandchild.
I know he would do anything for me and that he loves me no matter what.

I suppose its just his character though, but he loves me as if I was his own daughter and I love him as if he were my real dad.

I WANT TO STOP THE ENGAGEMENT BUT I LOVE HIM BUT A LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY. I THINK I WILL NEVA LOVE IF I BREAK UP WITH HIM