Hi all, well we all land up in the situation, our husbands lives are our lives. then we get divorced and their life goes on (still trying to control ours) and we dont know what to do with ours.

so my question is: i need to fill up my weekends with my little one (2years old) but what to do? where to go?
i don't want to go to pubs and clubs (am 32), look after myself physically and attractive. cause just get odd guys approaching you, then you mention you a mom with a 2yr old and they run!!!

Then what to do when you have your free time, But where does one meet decent couples or guys to interact with. is there a single mom outing structure?
loneliness is not good and one can only spend time with your own parents for so long on your weekends with little one or your free weekend, besides the pampering times & braai's.....and all my friends are married, and their circle of friends doesn't include singles.

i did not realize it would be this difficult.

i am even going to volunteer at stables just to find a new circle of friends. (cause i love horses)
i interact with male clients daily but draw a solid line that business and dating does not mix.

are there functions and lunches for single moms?

Ladies, it's not only divorced women who have this problem - way back when I got divorced, I quickly found out that the only friends I had left were the singles. The couples didn't want single, newly divorced men around - sometimes it was the men, nervous and insecure about having a single man around their wives, but most often it was the women, apparently scared that if their husbands spent too much time with a single buddy, then they would want to stray, or perhaps even look at a divorce.

It's just the way things are. There's no use in letting it upset you - who knows, on the other side you might just feel the same way. Different things make different people feel threatened.

The only thing you can do is make new friends - and that takes time. Be patient, and it will eventually come right. Volunteering is not a bad idea - just be careful you don't end up everybody's slave.
Try book clubs....
Try new hobbies - like gymming, hiking, stamp-collecting.
Try bird-watching (feathered variety!).
Try community upliftment projects.

The one "thing" that DOESN'T really work, is pub-crawling/drinking/partying non-stop. All that does is create problems. Take it from somebody with experience...

You get the idea... when the time is right, it will happen. Don't push too hard.

I wish i knew how you feel coz i know i am heading down that road, i was never married and am now 9 months pregnant. What i know amongst other things is that, i am going to be a single mother. My boyfriend and i broke up just before finding out i'm pregnant and we were not able to mend things. I know as young as i am, it will be very difficult for me to find a new partner since i have a child. I wish there was a network of single moms so that i can interact with them to know what they went through so i know what's coming my way. But above it all, i pray that God blesses me with a man who will Love me and my daughter unconditionaly.

Hi,
I am a single guy (never been married), 33. It is a peculiar age to try and meet anyone! So you need to take that as your base case I think - not all the failure is due to the kids.
Secondly, I have been seeing someone with kids. You need to make sure you relate th information in a good way. If you sound afraid, the guy will become afraid. If you remain your sparkly self and convey the information in nice calm way, odds are he wont run. I know for myself that if a woman looks at me with a wild look in her eye because she is afraid - it scares me away.
Importantly, I have met the kids. I have guy friends who are dating single mom's. The kids cant chase the guy away. The guy stays because the dynamic between you and him is good. So dont use the kids as a crutch. Just move on to someone else.

To Alll single mothers

As a single never been married man of 32 I can tell you that its not the fact that you are a single mom that chases us eligble men away. If you were a single mom through being widowed, I personally would have no problem adopting the children and bringing them up as my own and having a loving family. However very few men like myself will take on a divorced woman with kids.Why? A man wants to be a 100% father or not at all, I am not prepared to take on the complexities of a step child unless I can legally adopt that child and be its only legal father. Ladies remember this when you contemplate divorce you probably choosing a worse option

Try a dating site. I know there are many weirdo's out there but there are other people in the same boat as you who want to meet decent potential partners. Be hanest in your profile, and when meeting new people, make sure it is in a neatral place like a restaurant. Don't fall for the 1st sweet talker, take your time before becoming seriously involved. Let them know you have a 2 year old. The runners will run, the good ones will stay. Trust me, I was there, and met the most wonderful woman. We've been together for 5 years now. Good luck.

Think of it this way...men run away from women with kids just like women run away from men who are 30 and still live at home. Despite there being nothing wrong with those people, they unfortunately tick the "no no" box.

when I was in England, I joined a STAG group (Second Time Around Group) which had numbers of single parents of both sexual persuasions. We arranged dinners, and other types of get-togethers like concerts, trips to parks and zoos etc. At least we mingled and mixed. Quite a number of participants paired off after a while and left the group. When I got back to South Africa, I joined a dating agency, and met some surprisingly lovely people. I am now married to one - and have been happily married for over 20 years. Both of us have children of our own, and our children have grown up and married and presented us with (so far) six grandchildren.
One thing I learned: don't sit around and wait for things to happen - MAKE things happen. If you have young children, get involved with the creche/school activities; get involved in your community. Take time-share holidays. Make friends with your neighbours.

I'm a South African mom living overseas with my two children aged 11 and 15 and my ex is back in SA so I am truly a single mom. I'm amazed to see how conservative South Africans are about not wanting to include single women or single men in married social circles because of the 'risk' involved. What utter nonsense. I'm also amazed at the stigma attached to dating sites in SA and think this is such a pity especially as it's just not safe for women to hang about on their own trying to meet men so a dating site is ideal. I know it's a cliche but I truly met the love of my life through a dating site after my divorce and am grateful every day that I went this route. Singles...don't care about convention....you can make your own happiness but you have to take the initiative!

"i all, well we all land up in the situation, our husbands lives are our lives. then we get divorced and their life goes on"

We don't run because you're a single mom, it's because you have issues... read that sentence above objectively.