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Socialising/dating - what do Single Moms do?
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#24 Posted : Saturday, October 02, 2010 3:26:35 PM(UTC)
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I am a 55 year old divorced male, who never had children as my ex-wife had cancer at a young age. I have dated a few woman with children, and understand that children do come 1st in the mothers life. There is a life out there, and it is give and take when it comes to their children. I sometimes found that I got along better with the children that with the mothers. I still see a few of the ladies from time to time, as it is important to have a circle of friends, and no pressure is applied from either side as far as a relationship goes.
I may eventually find the right person to settle down with, but in the meanwhile, kids or not, there are a lot of really nice single woman who are alone and like me, happy to have a friendship, with no expectations and are appreciative of decent company and who can share some great moments with someone else. I am also shunned by married couples as are most other singles, male or female. In my chats, I have also discovered that ladies also have to be wary, as there are a lot of chancers out there. Good Luck to all the single ladies, with or without kids.
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#26 Posted : Sunday, October 03, 2010 5:37:05 AM(UTC)
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Hi there to all the single mom's,

There are many single/divorced/widowed men around such as myself, who would have no problem in meeting and going out with a lady who has children.
When I meet the right woman again, if she has young children, then our lives would mostly have to revolve around the fact that she has a child, and our activities would at times include going out as a family, taking the kids to moview, the park, birthday parties, etc ..... but of course we would need our own time together also, and possibly at these times, grandparents would be handy, or a reliable baby-sitter even.

A single or divorced woman with children is definitely not a problem for me.

As they say, "Every pot has it's lid", and when you meet Mr. Right, he will accept you with all your problems, challenges, wrinkles, etc ..... and definitely accept you with your family ...... just not the EX-husband dictating.

Take care till we meet!!!

Ian
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#27 Posted : Sunday, October 03, 2010 9:08:24 AM(UTC)
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Single moms...

its not the end of the world, sometimes you are better off by yourself and the kid than being either with a person that doesnt want you or is abusive etc. If you have "lived" with some one, then being newly separated is the hardest thing in the world, as you suddenly have a vacuum, that cannot be filled immediately. I can only imagine what you are going thru. When I travel ( for business), and my wife is not with me, it is some of the lonliest times.

At best, give it some time. Most importantly take up a hobby, tends to fill up the empty spots. What you will also find, is that there are other people in the same spot as you, and will make some friends. Don't worry too much about friends that dont want you around when they have lots of other people, they are not worth the effort. Are they really your friends if they cannot support you at your time of need ??

There are guys out there ( decent ones), that do not run away. They are the true ones worth the effort. By the way, there is something sexy about being a smoking hot mom.....

The sun will shine on you again.
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#28 Posted : Sunday, October 03, 2010 10:13:27 AM(UTC)
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Truly....

Dating as a single parent is hard. But, the only time it becomes worth it is when you meet the right person.

The right person who respects that you're a parent first but still a person.

That person is out there. Believe it.
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#29 Posted : Sunday, October 03, 2010 6:08:05 PM(UTC)
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I also want to know where divorced women of 40 plus can meet people in Pretoria. Not necessarily to get married but to have some adult conversation and fun?? It seems crazy that there are so many of us that are in this situation but there doesn't seem to be any answers?
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My take
#12 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 10:05:21 AM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
To Alll single mothers

As a single never been married man of 32 I can tell you that its not the fact that you are a single mom that chases us eligble men away. If you were a single mom through being widowed, I personally would have no problem adopting the children and bringing them up as my own and having a loving family. However very few men like myself will take on a divorced woman with kids.Why? A man wants to be a 100% father or not at all, I am not prepared to take on the complexities of a step child unless I can legally adopt that child and be its only legal father. Ladies remember this when you contemplate divorce you probably choosing a worse option


I agree 100%, it is fun dating a mom, I dated in the past 10 years 2 single moms. They tend to be much more reliable than single, childless women. Later on I loved the kids more than her. BUT, (there is always a but) as a man dating a single mom you do not need the angry ex husband fighting for the child, especially if they use the child as a weapon against the ex wife.

Secondly, being the new man in the house you must be able to have some sort of respect from the child and you must be able to discipline the kid if he/she is misbehaving (I'm not talking about hitting the kid, I don't believe in it), without the mom stepping in and starting a fight with you for meaning well.
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#30 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 10:26:40 AM(UTC)
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As a word of encouragement for the single moms out there, hold on there is hope.

I have met this wonderful amazing lady. And guess what, she has two children. We are both 40 and her eldest is 20 and the youngest is 16. And I can tell you this.... there is no way I am running.

Do not try to hide the fact that you have a child because that will cause you to end up with the wrong guy. Rather show him your love and affection towards the child and the importance of the child in your life and you will end up with a partner that feels the same way.

And with all due respect, relax a bit about this whole being single thing. It's like trying to fall pregnant. The more you stress about it the less your chances become. But the moment you let go it taps you on the shoulder.

In conclusion, the wonderful woman that became part of my live now is truly amazing. She is a fabulous mother and has a well grounded believe system and I have the utmost respect towards her.

There is hope, just do not give up searching for it. And remember, if he does not include your kids in his plans then you run.
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#31 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 10:41:16 AM(UTC)
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Also single mom with 2 young kids, finding it difficult to meet someone who isnt threatened by the fact I have 2 young kids, and their whole school career ahead of me. I had kids later in life, thinking I'd met the man who would stand by me till we were in a our old age home together, alas, it was not to be.

I've been on the dating sites - some really scarey people (male and female) on there... and some nice decent people too. I'm not afraid to commit or to enter into a relationship, I'd love it - but getting out and about when you have kids is difficult, so I sit at home, waiting for him to come find me - LOL. I dont pub crawl, I dont hang out in clubs - and even getting out to a first date is difficult as I dont want to drag my kids along to every date (especially first dates) - so I have to wait for weekends that they are at their father, which leaves me 4 nights a month to go out and date.

I admit to having my baggage too.... my exH cheated on me, so I cant help but have a suspicious mind - when he gets sms's late at night/early in the morning, my mind does think the worst thoughts ever.... I'm working on this though, and hope that one day I meet a man who will cherish me for being ME, and will take my kids into consideration, we are a package deal after all.
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#32 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 10:44:40 AM(UTC)
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Been on my own 2 years, and have not dated... recently met a nice man and have been spending some time together. Yesterday my daughter askes if she can call him daddy - so I said no, you have 1 mom and 1 dad and no one will ever replace your dad or mom. It gave me warm fuzzy feelings that she felt he was good enough to call daddy, and also broke my heart at the same time that she wanted to call someone other than her father, daddy.

This single parenting is not easy.Eh?
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#33 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 3:54:37 PM(UTC)
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All these guys proclaiming to be willing to accept a single divorced mom with kids... where are you in real life?? Please... PLEASE... tell me where do we find you??
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#34 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 4:00:14 PM(UTC)
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Try the Dnner Cub - www.dinnerclubsa.com
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#35 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 4:35:48 PM(UTC)
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wow, i am glad that i am not alone and appreciate everyone's responses.
so why don't we set up a social thing once a month, initially just us single parents just to connect with others?
at least that is one weekend when we alone, we can have an event set up.
Parent24 could this be arranged?
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Jewels
#25 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 7:43:57 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
I am a 55 year old divorced male, who never had children as my ex-wife had cancer at a young age. I have dated a few woman with children, and understand that children do come 1st in the mothers life. There is a life out there, and it is give and take when it comes to their children. I sometimes found that I got along better with the children that with the mothers. I still see a few of the ladies from time to time, as it is important to have a circle of friends, and no pressure is applied from either side as far as a relationship goes.
I may eventually find the right person to settle down with, but in the meanwhile, kids or not, there are a lot of really nice single woman who are alone and like me, happy to have a friendship, with no expectations and are appreciative of decent company and who can share some great moments with someone else. I am also shunned by married couples as are most other singles, male or female. In my chats, I have also discovered that ladies also have to be wary, as there are a lot of chancers out there. Good Luck to all the single ladies, with or without kids.

I so do understand what you are saying. I am a divorced woman of 47 years , and also it feels like my married friends are very scarce and rare. As for me dating , I haven't tried it once. I was married for a long time, got divorced . I then met a guy who I thought is my world , sadly it wasn't to be. I have been alone for almost 4 years now. It becomes a part of life for me . The feeling of being alone is always there.... Good luck for you
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#13 Posted : Tuesday, October 05, 2010 9:40:03 AM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
To Alll single mothers

As a single never been married man of 32 I can tell you that its not the fact that you are a single mom that chases us eligble men away. If you were a single mom through being widowed, I personally would have no problem adopting the children and bringing them up as my own and having a loving family. However very few men like myself will take on a divorced woman with kids.Why? A man wants to be a 100% father or not at all, I am not prepared to take on the complexities of a step child unless I can legally adopt that child and be its only legal father. Ladies remember this when you contemplate divorce you probably choosing a worse option
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runbird
#36 Posted : Tuesday, October 05, 2010 5:03:10 PM(UTC)
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Best place to go is church. Lots of decent couples/singles there. Just "shop around" until you find a church in your area that you like and then get involved.
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#37 Posted : Wednesday, October 06, 2010 9:23:37 AM(UTC)
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wow, i am glad that i am not alone and appreciate everyone's responses.
so why don't we set up a social thing once a month, initially just us single parents just to connect with others?
at least that is one weekend when we alone, we can have an event set up.
Parent24 could this be arranged?

ENCORE! ENCORE! ENCORE! I love the sound of that!
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Guest
#38 Posted : Wednesday, October 06, 2010 10:08:46 AM(UTC)
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Well,my girl,i was also single for 7 yrs while my X was living with her nieces hubby. I raised my kids 2,on my own ,due to my moms words " geen vrou oor die huis se drimpel voor jou dogter klaar met skool is nie " so i never dated for 7 LONG yrs. I was also lonely,YES very , so i eventually found a city slicker, 46yrs ,single ,never married,with no kids, we just got married, YES its hard especially when one is used to doing your own thing.

Ive allways said,i will marry any poor girl,cause money can change any woman,make up,beauty salons,etc. Its whats inside a woman that counts.

Good luck, a pity im taken, otherwise i would call on u ASAP.

My email,if you wanna chat hjsenekal@gmail.com

Hang in there
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Guest
#39 Posted : Wednesday, October 06, 2010 8:30:07 PM(UTC)
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My two cents as a 30yr old single father. I unfortunately only get to see my daughter on weekends. I actually prefer single mothers for dating/relationships. The few I have dated have been above average partners compared to the non-mothers.

The only issue I have is that, single mom's don't socialize much so I tend to get involved with young(ish) girls who do socialize. My last three "date's" have been between 21-25yrs.

Show yourselves. Angel
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#40 Posted : Friday, October 08, 2010 4:13:00 PM(UTC)
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I Guess for us single mom who have no support systems it will take us some time to be in a relationship.. The father does not want to take the baby not even for few hours.. he says only after he is 2yrs or 3yrs.. Gees.... is he crazy.. he is busy doing all the hanky panky and he does not want me to get any for 2more years.. anyway.. if there is a group of single parents out there pls attache the link.. i'm tired of sitting around @ home every weekend...

just send us links good ppl...
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#41 Posted : Sunday, October 10, 2010 1:12:59 AM(UTC)
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Hi there
we are running a large indoor play and activity centre and have met so many single parents, so that the idea came up to start single parent play date; this means one can meet other single parents in a play and fund environment, and the kids are coming along (or rather the adults:-). We are not a dating agency, but set up certain times where we then will have obviously more single parents coming ...
I posted this info already as a new topic, but here comes the info again, for in case you haven't seen it yet.
We are planning on having this on every 3rd Sunday of a month at 15.00h at Planet Kids in Muizenberg.

Single Parent Play Date on Sunday 17th October at 15.00h

We are inviting all Single Parents to the re-launch of our SINGLE PARENT PLAY DATE. Meet other Single Parents in a relaxed space while your kids enjoy themselves too. Don’t forget to tell all your Single Parent friends about it. Adults are free with every paying child! (10mths to 12 years)
For more info contact us on (021)7883070 or email us to info@planetkids.co.za or see our homepage planetkids.co.za
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