I am a single mom raising an 18 month old boy.My child's father is a lot younger than me and still very immature. His family insisted on a paternity test requesting that I pay half to which I declined and they ceased contact.Seven months later I contacted them as my child was approaching a year and I decided to give in and to give my child a chance to hopefully know his dad. His granny was interested in him all along but also ceased contact needing to take the side of her son. After the paternity test, I arranged to take my son for visits to the grandparents now and then (no interaction from his father). I allowed the granny to take my boy for the entire day thinking that it would benefit him but landed up with separation anxiety from my boy (being that he hardly knew the people he spent the day with). I couldn't even leave the room following this experience and my child became clingy. I realised that I had made a bad decision and I explained the situation and requested that until he becomes familiar with his granny, that we do small visits, where I am present or where I will be present, then leave for an hour or two and come back. I have done this once or twice where I visited them. They have never visited my son in his familiar environment at my home (I live with my folks) even though I have suggested it. Each time there is apparently a transport issue but never a transport issue if they wish to fetch him.

I requested an outing with his daddy and me and it was agreed and we went out for 2 hours. My boy's father interacted with him and fed him yoghurt and things seemed to go really well. I just stepped back and watched my boy's comfort levels, without too much interference from me.After I dropped the daddy off, no contact!!!

Now the granny would like to pick up her grandson for a visit and his daddy will be there. My problem is do I allow this in that he has not contacted me at all? Already my child is extremely shy or cries around males . I seem to be aggravating the situation with not knowing what is best for my boy. He is in the temper tantrum stage and I don't wish to do escalate this by confusing him. I have suggested visits where I am present, until my boy knows them, but I know that this is not what they would prefer. They are not paying any maintenance but the granny has bought 2/3 items of juice,purity,small bag of nappies.

Any advice is welcome. I am my child's primary caregiver and am obviously protective over him but am I being too over-protective. He is only 18 months old. I would love nothing more than for my child to know the other side of his family but on conditions that are in his best interests.