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Change of Surname Assistance & Legal Guardianship info needed
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TeeRDee
#1 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 1:43:08 AM(UTC)
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TeeRDee

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Hi all,

Going through the forums today, Ive found that many people need information on Surname Changes (including me)
I was quite surprised with the lack of actual reliable information on the internet. And then I found the home affairs website! haha - who knew they had a website which could be helpful??

It seems the situation for me is as follows:

My son was born out of wedlock and now I want to change his surname to my husband's surname (he is not the biological father)

It seems I dont need permission from the biological father since we were not married and my son has my maiden surname.
The form I need to fill in is below:

LINK TO Form BI-193
http://www.home-affairs....me%20of%20a%20minor.pdf

NOW, I need to add my husband as a legal guardian - and not sure how to go about doing so. Going to a lawyer is going to be quite costly, Im sure. But will find out at home affairs where to from here. Any info would be most welcomed.

Hope this helps some :)

p.s. I've read some really nasty replies from people, I hope I dont get any. We are all just wanting the best for our kids - why else would we be here looking for advice?
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AlexCowling
#2 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 11:34:22 AM(UTC)
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AlexCowling

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Hi

I saw your other reply on the "Changing Surname: Child born out of Wedlock" thread:

TeeRDee wrote:
Biological father doesnt want to give up parental rights, but I really want my husband to legally be allow to make decisions in my absence. The bio father hasnt been around for ages, and only now is resurfacing!

Basically you will land up in jail if you carry on the way you're going...
35. Refusal of access or refusal to exercise parental responsibilities and rights.—
(1) Any person having care or custody of a child who, contrary to an order of any court or to a parental responsibilities and rights agreement that has taken effect as contemplated in section 22 (4), refuses another person who has access to that child or who holds parental responsibilities and rights in respect of that child in terms of that order or agreement to exercise such access or such responsibilities and rights or who prevents that person from exercising such access or such responsibilities and rights is guilty of an offence and liable on conviction to a fine or to imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year.

I really hope your ex has a good lawyer and that you are not of the custodial parents who get away with breaking the law but rather that you are made an example of.
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TeeRDee
#7 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 2:32:07 PM(UTC)
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TeeRDee

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Hi there,

I said I was trying to ADD my husband as a legal guardian.. and wondering if thats possible.
My apologies if Ive not been clear.

My opinion on the biological father is: He is his biological father, and no-one can change that. They will have their relationship, and I encourage that. It is important for both of them. I would just like to also have my husband as our sons legal guardian.

If thats not possible, then so be it.

I dont understand why some people on this forum respond in really nasty and judgmental ways. These situations are difficult enough without comments like yours.


I think I'll rather not interact in this forum, its clearly not for me.
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T0M
#9 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 4:35:21 PM(UTC)
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T0M

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Actually, TeeRDee, if you're really serious about asking for advice, do yourself a really big favour and listen carefully to what Alex (a lady, incidentally, who has a lot of experience in this field) has to say, instead of throwing a temper tantrum and running away because you don't like to hear the (legal) facts of the matter.

The law is very simple - and for a change (thanks to the amendments to the children's act effective 1 April 2010) we fathers have rights too. Not before time.

Most importantly, though, the children are SUPPOSED to be the most important consideration when making decisions - precisely what Alex is trying to convey to you. Be very careful to stay within the bounds of the law - section 35 as quoted above is extremely important - or be prepared to spend lots of time away from your child.

And no, this is not a pro-fathers forum as you implied - this is a PARENTING forum. As long as you put the child(ren) first, you'll enjoy a lot of support and camaraderie here. Act like a selfish brat, however, and you'll be treated accordingly.
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AlexCowling
#8 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 5:01:11 PM(UTC)
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AlexCowling

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TeeRDee wrote:
I said I was trying to ADD my husband as a legal guardian.. and wondering if thats possible.
My apologies if Ive not been clear.


I apologize for coming across so strong. This is very close to my heart as in this situation "I'm married to the father". And it breaks my heart every day seeing another man make decisions about my husband’s child that he would love to make himself; and seeing the pain it brings him.

The fact that you wanted to ADD your husband was indeed clear to me from your other post. However, this did not make the situation better. If you are not available to make a decision and the step-dad does, you are robbing the father of that chance (and therefore breaking the law). Also, not even YOU can make decisions regarding your son without the father’s consent. Since April—as T0M mentioned—the law now gives both parents equal rights.

I really hope you can rather work with your ex as parents for the sake of the kid. I’m happy to hear you do encourage their relationship. Good luck.
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Guest
#10 Posted : Thursday, January 27, 2011 6:29:04 PM(UTC)
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Do not listen to all this people, do what you believe is right for your child. Go tyo home affairs they will give you a form where your husband and yourself have to sign to agree for guardianship. NO CONSET FROM THE FATHER
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T0M
#11 Posted : Friday, January 28, 2011 2:06:50 PM(UTC)
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T0M

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Guest wrote:
Do not listen to all this people, do what you believe is right for your child. Go tyo home affairs they will give you a form where your husband and yourself have to sign to agree for guardianship. NO CONSET FROM THE FATHER


You're wrong, Guest, and if TeeRDee follows your advice, she could end up in jail for it. Who looks after the child then?

The law has changed, and things like this carry a heavy penalty if you break the law.

Be VERY careful what you advise, and also what advice you choose to follow...
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Cheeky31
#12 Posted : Friday, January 28, 2011 5:25:50 PM(UTC)
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Cheeky31

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if anyone gets the correct info please let me know as i need to change my childs surname too
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Guest
#13 Posted : Wednesday, February 02, 2011 5:41:39 PM(UTC)
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All of your visit homeaffairs website they explain everything!!! do not be misled by these "small brained people"
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Guest @ Guest - 02 February 2011 15:41:39
#14 Posted : Thursday, February 03, 2011 12:42:28 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
All of your visit homeaffairs website they explain everything!!! do not be misled by these "small brained people"


Are the 'small brained people' you're talking about also the ones who can spell properly, punctuate correctly, and capitalise sentences, Guest?

Sounds like you're one of those creatures who believe everything they think. Please spare us the agony of having to read it...
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Guest
#15 Posted : Thursday, February 03, 2011 1:17:30 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Guest wrote:
All of your visit homeaffairs website they explain everything!!! do not be misled by these "small brained people"


Are the 'small brained people' you're talking about also the ones who can spell properly, punctuate correctly, and capitalise sentences, Guest?

Sounds like you're one of those creatures who believe everything they think. Please spare us the agony of having to read it...



I was wondering when you would pop your ugly face around here. It was great not having you around!
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Guest
#16 Posted : Monday, February 07, 2011 2:54:01 PM(UTC)
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I get that everything is done in the best interests of the child, but when a man leads you to change the surname under false pretences it is also not right and I see no reason why it cannot be changed to the mother's surname especially when the child is born out of wedlock however unless there is a court order of some sort how can anybody actually keep record of these things to be honest.

I am a single parent who made the same mistake and my rights were violated and I am not bitching I am getting proactive nothig is ever written in stone and no parental responsibiities are being broken the father still has the same rights even if the child is registered in his surname or not.
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Guest
#3 Posted : Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:03:30 AM(UTC)
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AlexCowling wrote:
Hi

I saw your other reply on the "Changing Surname: Child born out of Wedlock" thread:

TeeRDee wrote:
Biological father doesnt want to give up parental rights, but I really want my husband to legally be allow to make decisions in my absence. The bio father hasnt been around for ages, and only now is resurfacing!

Basically you will land up in jail if you carry on the way you're going...
35. Refusal of access or refusal to exercise parental responsibilities and rights.—
(1) Any person having care or custody of a child who, contrary to an order of any court or to a parental responsibilities and rights agreement that has taken effect as contemplated in section 22 (4), refuses another person who has access to that child or who holds parental responsibilities and rights in respect of that child in terms of that order or agreement to exercise such access or such responsibilities and rights or who prevents that person from exercising such access or such responsibilities and rights is guilty of an offence and liable on conviction to a fine or to imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year.

I really hope your ex has a good lawyer and that you are not of the custodial parents who get away with breaking the law but rather that you are made an example of.


Alex - There is also a clause in the new Child Act, that if a parent has not seen his child for a period of 3 months - without a good reason - they have legally abandoned that child. This is irrelevant of whether they have been paying maintenance or not. The mother has every right to withold access.
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Guest
#6 Posted : Wednesday, February 09, 2011 12:04:58 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
AlexCowling wrote:
Hi

I saw your other reply on the "Changing Surname: Child born out of Wedlock" thread:

TeeRDee wrote:
Biological father doesnt want to give up parental rights, but I really want my husband to legally be allow to make decisions in my absence. The bio father hasnt been around for ages, and only now is resurfacing!

Basically you will land up in jail if you carry on the way you're going...
35. Refusal of access or refusal to exercise parental responsibilities and rights.—
(1) Any person having care or custody of a child who, contrary to an order of any court or to a parental responsibilities and rights agreement that has taken effect as contemplated in section 22 (4), refuses another person who has access to that child or who holds parental responsibilities and rights in respect of that child in terms of that order or agreement to exercise such access or such responsibilities and rights or who prevents that person from exercising such access or such responsibilities and rights is guilty of an offence and liable on conviction to a fine or to imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year.

I really hope your ex has a good lawyer and that you are not of the custodial parents who get away with breaking the law but rather that you are made an example of.


Alex - There is also a clause in the new Child Act, that if a parent has not seen his child for a period of 3 months - without a good reason - they have legally abandoned that child. This is irrelevant of whether they have been paying maintenance or not. The mother has every right to withold access.


This is very interesting...
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AlexCowling
#5 Posted : Wednesday, February 09, 2011 6:14:12 PM(UTC)
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AlexCowling

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Guest wrote:
[quote=AlexCowling]Alex - There is also a clause in the new Child Act, that if a parent has not seen his child for a period of 3 months - without a good reason - they have legally abandoned that child. This is irrelevant of whether they have been paying maintenance or not. The mother has every right to withold access.


I'd like to investigate this. Please could you tell me which section and subsection this refers to. I've done a search and can't seem to find anything.
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T0M
#4 Posted : Thursday, February 10, 2011 3:24:59 PM(UTC)
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T0M

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Guest wrote:
Alex - There is also a clause in the new Child Act, that if a parent has not seen his child for a period of 3 months - without a good reason - they have legally abandoned that child. This is irrelevant of whether they have been paying maintenance or not. The mother has every right to withold access.


Now THIS is a deliberate falsehood.

Guest, please supply the exact reference for your obviously spurious claim.

Failing that, would the moderators please remove this wilfully misleading post? Mothers have NO right to withhold access in ANY case where there is not a specifically designated/recognised danger to the child(ren).
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Guest
#17 Posted : Friday, February 11, 2011 12:19:36 PM(UTC)
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it is indeed interesting. Can anyone post up something construction for all of those who want to change the children's surname to move on?
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#18 Posted : Monday, February 14, 2011 12:03:08 PM(UTC)
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Whilst having a conversation with my ex a few weeks back she brought up the issue that she still wants to change our son surname to hers. We were never married and our son has my surname.

The reason for my decline is that in my situation I know that her plan is to further alienate our son from me, she has admitted to it. My son already have an identity and he knows his name and surname. However, she mentioned to me that she signs our son name with both hers and my surname eg. John De Klerk-Du Toit. We were never married and his birth certificate has my surname.

Is she allowed to do that?
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Granny1
#19 Posted : Saturday, April 02, 2011 1:36:36 PM(UTC)
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[quote=Guest]Whilst having a conversation with my ex a few weeks back she brought up the issue that she still wants to change our son surname to hers. We were never married and our son has my surname.

The reason for my decline is that in my situation I know that her plan is to further alienate our son from me, she has admitted to it. My son already have an identity and he knows his name and surname. However, she mentioned to me that she signs our son name with both hers and my surname eg. John De Klerk-Du Toit. We were never married and his birth certificate has my surname.

Is she allowed to do that?

If you weren't married she can basically do what ever she wants and there is nothing you can do about it. I found that out today and contrary what F4J say on their website. The best advice I can give any man is to marry the owman when she falls pregnant and then if you can live with her anymore after the birth of your child leave her but do as much as you can for that baby and see that it can be proved what you have done - not monetry - physically help with the baby, change nappies, feeding, bathing, babysitting. Because men are just spern doners to these women and that is about all. My grandson's surname was changed by the mother the day after my son moved out with the idea that they will reconcile once he found a job but worked for her father for 5 months for free, and the day he stood up for himself she asked him to leave. When I read about these women I feel like fighting with my son for live in custody for my grandson even if I have to borrow millions.
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Womansnewblog
#20 Posted : Monday, April 04, 2011 1:03:52 PM(UTC)
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Womansnewblog

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I would *never* change my minor children's surnames. You see, I know that one day my children will have every legal right to make up their own minds on things, and then, if i did this, they will want answers to questions like 'why did you change my surname?' (shortly after followed by "why did you do that?". That said, I also know more than one person who changed their surname to their step fathers once they came of age.

My point: keep your own nose clean, because someday you will stand in front of your children, and they will judge you. How they judge you is 100% cup to you. So the question is not really about changing a minor's surname, it's a question of how maturely you handle all these things. Are there not other things that is much more important than a surname? Maybe like education and after school activities and health?
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