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Domineering friend
MamaX
#1 Posted : Tuesday, March 22, 2011 1:58:49 PM(UTC)
MamaX

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My daughter has a domineering friend (I'll call her Tina) who tells her what to do a lot. For example, she won't decide on an outfit without consulting Tina, Tina tells her what music to listen to, and I've heard her say things like: "I can't go to that movie without Tina, she'll be so cross." She almost never goes anywhere with us as a family without begging for Tina to come too.

Now I really can't say that Tina has led her into anything bad at this stage - she seems like a hard-working girl who likes her sport and is basically a good girl. But I still don't like the level of influence she has over my daughter. How can I reduce Tina's power over my daughter? I've tried pointing out to my daughter that she should make her own choices, but she just carried on jumping to Tina's every word.

What would other parents do?
parent24ed
#2 Posted : Tuesday, March 22, 2011 2:52:39 PM(UTC)
parent24ed

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Tough one trying to come between a girl and her BFF. I'd say rather continue to spend a lot of time with your daughter (even if Tina is there too) so you can keep an eye on the situation from close up.
KTB
#3 Posted : Wednesday, March 23, 2011 3:09:54 PM(UTC)
KTB

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parent24ed wrote:
Tough one trying to come between a girl and her BFF. I'd say rather continue to spend a lot of time with your daughter (even if Tina is there too) so you can keep an eye on the situation from close up.


Yes I agree, the last thing you want is for her to get angry with you, then when she does see Tina for who she is on her own she will still you there. Just keep reassuring her of how beautiful, inteligent and smart she is. I've been there as a teen and my mother just left me to learn for myself, because it is a lesson in life that one must learn so that in future they know who are thier real friends from the fake ones.
Gemstonejhb
#4 Posted : Wednesday, March 23, 2011 5:19:02 PM(UTC)
Gemstonejhb

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Don't keep her away from Tina, she will encounter such people in life and that's a way how to learn to handle such person. Build her self-esteem and her self-worth.

On the other hand, boundaries must be set. Tina can be visit certain times, but not all the time. Be firm about it. That is also a way that your daughter will learn that certain times is family time and certain time if time spending with friends, exactly like she know that from 08h00 until 14h00 is the time she is at school Monday to Friday and for example Sunday 09h00 to 10h00 is time for church.

Let her know that it's not because you have something against Tina, this is how your family do things. Take Tina to some family gatherings, but again, not to all, decide beforehand. Let your daughter understand it's not a given that Tina always will go along. That also gives Tina time to spend with her family.
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