My husband and I will be married for 3 years in July 2011. We have both been married before, and we each have a child from our previous marriage. My daughter is 10, and his son is 8. I tried for another baby for 5 years in my previous marriage, undergoing fertility treatment etc, but nothing worked. My current husband and I started planning a few months into our marriage, and after 6 months we underwent fertility treatment, Artificial insemination, I did acupuncture, reflexology, went on a special diet. I had been to two fertility specialists. The one told me I could never conceive naturally as my tubes were blocked and the only way I could conceive was through IVF, and the other specialist told me my tubes were fine and I could conceive through Artificial Insemination. I've had the laparoscopies etc, and IVP was not an option for us as we could not afford it.
My husband came up with the idea of adoption, and I must admit, I was not too keen on it, but followed the processes. Mid October of 2010 we started the adoption process at Cape Town Child Welfare, as we could not afford the services of a private adoption agency. The process we underwent was quite intense - credit checks, names clearances, application forms, referal letters, interviews, workshops, portfolio's, home visits etc. By the end of December 2010 our application was complete, and Child Welfare had all our requirements. The social worker went on leave, and by mid March of 2011 (5 months after our initial application) we were advised that we were approved by the Board and officially on the waiting list. That put our minds at ease, even though at this point I was not excited, as I was not ready for a baby anyway, and knew we would probably wait between 1-3 years. Child Welfare would first try to match us up with a baby that would fit in with us, as well as the same religion (us being muslim). We were not picky though. We just wanted a baby, and didn't care about the race/religion.
Every month Child Welfare runs their workshop in the middle of each month, and we had 12 couples of all races in our workshop. They also had a very long waiting list already. There are so many things they prepare you for that you wouldn't even have thought of, like: Would you accept a baby conceived through, rape, incest, who's mother is HIV positive but the baby is HIV negative, who's mother is 10 years old, who has been abandoned, would you accept twins etc etc. We were blown away with all the information/questions, but it was great that they prepared us for this, and the workshops were so informative. The social workers are amazing. They are well trained and very approachable.
On Thursday 24th March I received a call from my social worker at 8:30am. She called to confirm that we were in fact on the waiting list, and.... they had a baby for us. I was in shock!! After being on the waiting list for about 2 weeks, they had a baby for us???? I didn't know what to say. She wanted my husband and I to go through immediately to give us more information and to meet our baby!! I immediately called my husband who was in training and was not allowed to leave, but he left anyway. Within the hour we were both sitting at Child Welfare offices hearing about our baby. After not being ready for a baby, I was instantly ready!! I was so excited I was shaking so much. This just sounded too good to be true!! Our baby was born 23 December 2010. Our social worker showed us a picture of her, and we fell instantly in love. She gave us a medical history of the birth mom, who wanted to meet us, but there was no information about the father. Soon afterwards we were on our way to the Kangaroo Care to meet our baby. She was asleep when we arrived. There were 4 babies in total - all girls, and I suspect they were all waiting on their adoptive moms to fetch them once the 2 month waiting period had ended. (The documents the birth mother has to sign). The first time I held our baby in my arms, I cried tears of joy, and I was instantly in love with her. The connection was so strong. She was born to be my baby. We spent a lot of time holding her and talking to her, and she was just 3 months old, and already smiling, and gurgling and so so happy :-) It was hard going back to work that day, but my husband and I were dileriously happy!! The birth mom had until Monday 28th to change her mind, and we could only take our baby home once we went to Children's court and the judge signed the documents. As I arrived back at work that Thursday, the social worker advised that she managed to get an appointment at Children's Court for Tuesday 29th March, and thereafter we could take our baby home!! It was a looooong weekend to get through. We visited our baby twice over the weekend with our two other children, and we bathed her and fed her. It was so hard to leave her, but what kept us going was knowing we would have her with us permanently very soon :-) I was so anxious about the birth mom changing her mind over the weekend, but in my heart I knew this was my baby. I was her mother and nothing was going to happen to change that. Sunday we went baby shopping, and we took our two kids with so that they could choose items and be a part of the process. We also fetched them early at school on Tuesday (when it finally arrived), and took them with us to court. We waited for about an hour, we spoke to the very friendly judge, and then we were on our way to fetch our new edition to our family :-) She was awake and waiting for us when we fetched her. We took lots of pics of the ladies that took care of her and the social worker holding her for her photo album. She sat in the car seat at the back with our two children. She didn't cry at all. She stared at her surroundings, smiled and was just so perfect. Bringing her home was such a wonderful feeling. We had visitors every night coming to meet her. The Saturday 2 April we met the birth mom, and we thanked her and spoke to her and it went really well. I think we were all nervous. She was happy that we would be raising her baby. There would be no other contact with her, only photo's sent once a year to the social worker, and birthmom would fetch them at Child Welfare. If our baby reaches the age of 18, and wants to at that time meet her birthmom, we will contact Child Welfare and they will arrange it.
That Saturday afternoon I had a huge baby shower, and the Sunday we had a huge name giving for her. She fit in so perfectly. She looks just like us - you would never say she was adopted. Child Welfare matched us perfectly. I cannot picture my life without her. I couldn't love her more than had I given birth to her. She makes me laugh and smile so much my head hurts - but in a good way, of course :-) Our kids love her so much, and they don't see her as an adopted sister, but as their own sister. I have been taking prescribed medication so that I can breastfeed, and 3 weeks after taking it and using electric pump, the milk has come in!! She doesn't want to latch even though I try often, but I pump the milk and give it to her with the bottle. It's not ideal, but it's better than her not getting the precious breastmilk at all. I'm so madly in love with her.
I can't thank Cape Town Child Welfare and the wonderful social workers enough for giving me this indescribable joy. Our baby is a true blessing.