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knowingu
#1 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 11:15:46 AM(UTC)
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keepingthemsafe

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I am a unwed mother of a 1 month baby.

I was dating a guy and fell pregnant and i stayed with him until shortly before the baby was born but our relationship was a mess and the living situation was not ideal ( we were living in a house with my toddler and 6 other people all his family) To be honest we actually had no relationship for a long long time.... he was always going out drinking and drinking at home and when he wasn't he was ignoring me.

And then he said the baby wasn't his 3 weeks before the baby was due to be born! and said he wanted to be in operating theater though in case it was his. I went through emotional ell only for him to take one look at the baby and he knew it was his

Now he wants to have weekends and full days with our baby who is breastfeeding and is to small to be taken out of my custody ( or so i think) what do you guys think?

what would you do? i am confused.
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DT
#2 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 1:31:37 PM(UTC)
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drugtesting

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Ah, you are breast feeding - so no, he cannot take the baby for the weekend - he can have access to the baby, visit the baby, but take it at this stage, I am sure that the courts would back you up on this.

If it were me, no, I would not allow him to take my baby. If he wants parental rights, then he also has to take up his full responsibility. You are a single mom, with an infant - currently, unless he can prove otherwise, you have full rights to the child, and access is granted based on your ability to still be able to provide for the baby, like breast feeding etc.
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Entropy
#3 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 3:49:56 PM(UTC)
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wazross

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Hey there.

My daughter's mom and I split up when she was still very little. In the early days I simply visited her after work every second evening or so, until she was old enough (and bottle-feeding) to stay over at me for the night. Since then she has usually stayed with me twice a week.

If you're breastfeeding he obviously can't take the infant away, so I'd suggest he simply visits as often as he can (and is convenient for you) and starts building that lifelong relationship with his child.

My little girl turns 6 in June and we have the most wonderful relationship in the world. This is thanks to her mother's and my desire to be fully involved in her life as her parents, even though we are not together. We always try to take the best course of action for her, despite how we might feel about each other.

It can work, but he must be patient about it and you should do your best to encourage his involvement too!
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PinkSparkle
#4 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 4:46:28 PM(UTC)
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PinkSparkle

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wazross wrote:
Hey there.

My daughter's mom and I split up when she was still very little. In the early days I simply visited her after work every second evening or so, until she was old enough (and bottle-feeding) to stay over at me for the night. Since then she has usually stayed with me twice a week.

If you're breastfeeding he obviously can't take the infant away, so I'd suggest he simply visits as often as he can (and is convenient for you) and starts building that lifelong relationship with his child.

My little girl turns 6 in June and we have the most wonderful relationship in the world. This is thanks to her mother's and my desire to be fully involved in her life as her parents, even though we are not together. We always try to take the best course of action for her, despite how we might feel about each other.

It can work, but he must be patient about it and you should do your best to encourage his involvement too!


By law your child is not allowed to sleep at the father place until he is 5 years. Not too sure of the age but very sure about the law.
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CVZ
#5 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 5:18:35 PM(UTC)
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clairevanz

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Okay maybe this is going to be harsh, but someone has to say it... The only reason your newborn baby is better off with your ex at such a young age is if you are a drug addict or alcoholic. Seriously! You admit in your post that your ex drank and partied? Do you honestly want your baby to be taken care of by someone like that? Catch a wake up, pull yourself together, become responsible for your baby's sake, and if you honestly cant even make up a decision like this on your own, you are in some serious trouble. Get help and the support you need from a reliable source!
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hello kitty
#6 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 5:31:46 PM(UTC)
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nel24

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hi there keepinthemsafe

i dont think the baby is to small to be with his father for a few hours - you could express breast milk and send it with him -
i wonder if you ever stopped to think that maybe your constant nagging drove him to drink
he still dont know if that is his baby or not but he is prepared to stand for the baby surely that should count in his favour
i find it very difficult to understand how an unmarried mother can get herself into the exact same situation 2nd time around surely you heard of contraceptives unless of course you planned it without him knowing
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Entropy
#10 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 6:07:33 PM(UTC)
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wazross

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@PinkSparkle

No such law in the Children's Act at all. Can you provide a reference for your claim?

My daughter has been staying with me since she was less than a year old, twice a week. It has worked very well in our case, but then we all have her best interests at heart.
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Susan
#7 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 6:18:33 PM(UTC)
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susan

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nel24 wrote:
hi there keepinthemsafe

i dont think the baby is to small to be with his father for a few hours - you could express breast milk and send it with him -
i wonder if you ever stopped to think that maybe your constant nagging drove him to drink
he still dont know if that is his baby or not but he is prepared to stand for the baby surely that should count in his favour
i find it very difficult to understand how an unmarried mother can get herself into the exact same situation 2nd time around surely you heard of contraceptives unless of course you planned it without him knowing


There should be absolutely NO compromise with your baby! I would not even allow my (not-X) husband to TOUCH my baby if he is drunk!
I don't care if a person drink, commit suicide or stand on my head for being protective over my child. It is your DUTY to protect him. Even if your X wasn't drinking, it is ridiculous to expect a mother to let her 1 month old baby sleep out without her! Anybody who says otherwise is either not a mother or not worthy to be one.
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PinkSparkle
#8 Posted : Tuesday, May 10, 2011 6:42:10 PM(UTC)
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PinkSparkle

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susan wrote:
nel24 wrote:
hi there keepinthemsafe

i dont think the baby is to small to be with his father for a few hours - you could express breast milk and send it with him -
i wonder if you ever stopped to think that maybe your constant nagging drove him to drink
he still dont know if that is his baby or not but he is prepared to stand for the baby surely that should count in his favour
i find it very difficult to understand how an unmarried mother can get herself into the exact same situation 2nd time around surely you heard of contraceptives unless of course you planned it without him knowing


There should be absolutely NO compromise with your baby! I would not even allow my (not-X) husband to TOUCH my baby if he is drunk!
I don't care if a person drink, commit suicide or stand on my head for being protective over my child. It is your DUTY to protect him. Even if your X wasn't drinking, it is ridiculous to expect a mother to let her 1 month old baby sleep out without her! Anybody who says otherwise is either not a mother or not worthy to be one.


We are currently in the process of my fiancee adopting my son and that rule is clearly stated in the papers given to us by our lawyer. I will go look for it and then copy and paste that part for you. I was very concerened that my ex would insist on holidays with a child he barely knows, but both the court appointed social worker and the lawyer assured me tht unless I give consent, sleeping over is not allowed up until a certain age. This was once again confirmed by the magistrate during our application process.

I would also be worried of leaving a motnh old baby with a man that never gave a crap about you in the first place. My ex was always out drinking and partying anf I made a point of telling the court that if my son goes to him for a weekend, I would not see my child alive again.
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SingleDad
#9 Posted : Wednesday, May 11, 2011 4:23:18 PM(UTC)
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ProudSingleDad

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Hi People

Hold on.

I have read the whole thread. I think a lot of these issues are unrelated.

I have read the statement that a kid can't sleep over at the dad's place until 5. Now this is utter nonsense. I can say that because I am the dad of a 29 month old daughter and she lives with me full time. Even if she did live with her mother she could have slept over more at my place (because that is what the mother sued me for) and depending on what we decide, but now law states that at all.

HOWEVER, Pink Sparkle mentioned that her law papers state that and she will post it. It might be, but seeing everything in context it might be a total different situation all together.

What I am getting at is this is hardly the place for legal advice. When it comes to the law, especially family law, the law is very wide open for interpretation, for example

Most lawyers will say you have a case. That means nothing. A lawyer bills by the hour. It means he will take the case and give his best. If he loses YOUR CASE he still gets paid. Your loss.

I am not badmouthing lawyers, however don't take 1 piece of advice and run with it like a headless chicken.


This post is for opinions. If you are unhappy with your ex, boyfriend or whoever, then go to a lawyer and take action if you have too

BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try and reason with the other party. My daughters mother left us when she was 11 months old ( PLEASE NO NASTY COMMENTS ABOUT THE MOTHER LEAVING. YOU DON'T KNOW HER OR THE CIRCUMSTANCES. SHE IS DOING FINE TODAY AND HAS A FANTASTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DAUGHTER) and after a while I was sued for custody. Her lawyer said she had a fantastic case for she is the mother.

My lawyer said the law changed in 2005 and parents are equal before the law. I said she lives with me, so you work out how that played out.

The reason why I say that try and be positive and not nasty ever is legal routes are very very very very very expensive. I a mean 1 700.00 per hour expansive. If you pay less than that, you are most probably with someone that does not specializing in the family field.

The other parent is also the parent and the child loves you both.PERIOD.

My opinion. If you have an issue surrounding your child with your ex, go and see a psychologist. Actually go and see a couple until you and the baby's father/mother is happy that that is the person you want to go to for advice. Then try and solve your difference of opinion there. Don't be "hardegat" and know that you can be wrong to. I found that out about me too, haha

In any case, good luck and don't be so hard on the mother's/father's of your child ( You had sex with that person at one stage so what is that saying about you if they are really so horrible)
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