Search Parent24 for...
Welcome Guest! To enable all features please Log in

Notification

Icon
Error
32, single, pregnant from one night stand , need help
Options
Previous Topic Next Topic
Ladylove7
#1 Posted : Monday, May 23, 2011 1:23:06 PM(UTC)
Quote
Ladylove7

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/23/2011(UTC)
Posts: 2
Points: 6
I had a one night stand , now i am a month pregnant. The "father" doesnt want to keep the kid because we are not together, it was a one night stand and he wants to be a good dad to his kids one day and with me staying far away he won't get to see his kid as much as he would like and he thinks it's wrong to have a kid where it was a mistake between two ppl who ha a fling.

I am 31, first time pregnant. I have a living home and I live with my mom and brother and nanny in a big home .. They will be there for me every step of the way. Everything in my life is perfectly set up for a baby , except that im single. When I think of abortion I freak out and cry Alot.

If I think of keeping this baby I feel calm and positive, but I also want the best for my child and I want it to have a dad as well. What do I do? Am I being selfish by wanting to keep this child ? Am I messing up my chances with finding my man one day and having the perfect family? Confused :( ↓
Back to top
parent24ed
#2 Posted : Monday, May 23, 2011 3:27:35 PM(UTC)
Quote
parent24ed

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups:
Joined: 10/8/2008(UTC)
Posts: 735
Points: 2,032
Don't worry about anything now except being a healthy pregnant person. Your child will be part of you and the right man will love you both - there's no one right shape for a perfect family.
Back to top
GetRich
#3 Posted : Monday, May 23, 2011 4:56:41 PM(UTC)
Quote
GetRichOrDieTrying

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/23/2011(UTC)
Posts: 1
Points: 3
parent24ed, while we can all see you are being supportive I dont think you're helping this lady make informed choices...
Ladylove7, some of the questions I would ask myself are:
- If you expect the father to be involved with the child in any aspect, be it financially, emotional or physical then I do believe that you need to take his feelings to heart OR accept that he might not want have anything to do with this child, and accept his right to make that choice. If you are comfortable with that choice and have weighed up that this child might be fatherless etc and are happy with that outcome, then go ahead.
- Finding the right man... This is a tough one, not because men wont date you because you have a young child, but because you might find it dificult to get out as much with a young child. There are always some people that wont date you because of a child, but truthfully, he is more than likely doing you a favour stopping the relationship when he finds out you have a child.
- Being a single parent is a big choice to make, its not impossible these days though. It sounds like your family will help you where ever they can.

Just remember there are 3 parties here, the father, you and the child. You need to do whats best for ALL of you right now.
Good luck with your choices and the child whatever your choice might be
Back to top
banie.joubert
#7 Posted : Monday, May 23, 2011 11:16:38 PM(UTC)
Quote
baniej

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/21/2011(UTC)
Posts: 4
Points: 12
If the farther wants nothing to do with the child, then you can't force him. He is legally responsible to pay child support, but you can't force him to become a part of the child's life. I also thinks its unfair to think that he will join you after what was a one night stand. There is obviously no love between you, so a relationship will not work.

If you want to keep the baby, then do so on the premise that you are going to be a single mom. Its good that you have your family there, but you can't expect them to raise it for you. Its your child and even though they are family, its not their responsibility.

You need to think, will I be able to raze the baby on your own? But don't have the child expecting that there will be support and then be surprised if there is none. Ultimately, its your decision and will be your responsibility.

You say that abortion makes you cry, which is good, its not a decision you should make lightly. Ultimately the law gives the choice to you, but remember that adoption is also an option.

You need to get professional help to make this decision. Way up all your options before you make a decision.
Back to top
Chris
#4 Posted : Monday, May 23, 2011 11:54:55 PM(UTC)
Quote
cynics.choice

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 3/3/2011(UTC)
Posts: 2
Points: 6
Hey the creep put it out he is liable!! The law is on your side make sure he supports his child!
Back to top
MP3
#5 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 10:14:01 AM(UTC)
Quote
mp3killa

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 11/24/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5
Points: 15
Wow 32 years old and behaving like a 17 year old... How about a nice cup of grow the f*ck up. This here is the real world you're just much to blame being pregnant as the guy.

Expecting some form of "connection" with your one night stand is naive at best. Delusional at worst. If you've spoken to him and he's expressed his feelings and they are along the lines of get an abortion. I'd advise doing it.

Not because I'm a cold hearted person. Infact quite the opposite. Do you wish to have a potential father resent you and your child and be forced to pay maintenance. Don't you think there is enough unhappiness in the world for kids? Raising them in an environment with love that is more obliged than truthful and honest and real?

Seriously now, you're 32 you really should be a little more wise.

If the guy actually wants to have the baby, you have to ask yourself a guy who does one night stands is he really the kinda guy you want as a father to your child? What kind of example are we setting here?

Good luck with your life.
Back to top
lee
#6 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 11:01:45 AM(UTC)
Quote
lele007

Rank: Member

Groups:
Joined: 11/13/2009(UTC)
Posts: 10
Points: 30
mp3killa wrote:
Wow 32 years old and behaving like a 17 year old... How about a nice cup of grow the f*ck up. This here is the real world you're just much to blame being pregnant as the guy.

Expecting some form of "connection" with your one night stand is naive at best. Delusional at worst. If you've spoken to him and he's expressed his feelings and they are along the lines of get an abortion. I'd advise doing it.

Not because I'm a cold hearted person. Infact quite the opposite. Do you wish to have a potential father resent you and your child and be forced to pay maintenance. Don't you think there is enough unhappiness in the world for kids? Raising them in an environment with love that is more obliged than truthful and honest and real?

Seriously now, you're 32 you really should be a little more wise.

If the guy actually wants to have the baby, you have to ask yourself a guy who does one night stands is he really the kinda guy you want as a father to your child? What kind of example are we setting here?

Good luck with your life.


MP3, when did this become about the guy and why must he have a say in whether she must keep the baby or not? You sound like you are one of those people who think children cant be raised properly in single parented homes. I was raised by a single mother, I became a single mother until I got married. My child grew up in a loving and stable home and I am glad to say that I did it without the father. Being a single parent is not the end of the world and why must she let some bastard dictate wether she must keep the baby or not? Whether he wants her to abort the baby or not is really immaterial.

To the writer, you are a grown ass woman and this is your choice to make. Dont even consider the donor in this instance because that is all he is, a sperm donor. What you do from here is totally your decision. Women are strong and we are very well capable of raising children on our own. I hope whatever decision you make will be one that is well thought out and will be good for you in the long run. I just know from my experience that my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me even though I was not ready to be a parent when I had her. Now I cant imagine my life without her.

Take time and think about your decision and forget about that man. If he doesnt want to get involved, then he can go jump off a cliff.
Back to top
Bridgette
#8 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 12:32:20 PM(UTC)
Quote
bridgegood

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 2/9/2011(UTC)
Posts: 2
Points: 6
I was in exactly the same situation as you, except the one night stand was with my best friend at the time. He also wanted nothing to do with the baby. Now five years later I am married to the most wonderful man who has accepted my daughter as his own and she thinks of him as her "daddy" as she was to young to know any different. I also had a support system behind me as it seems you do. If abortion is not an option for you and you want to keep the baby and your family is willing to support you all the way then go for it!!! I do not regret even for one minute keeping my first child. I now have another 10 monthold and we are starting to try for our third. I could not be happier. There are good men out there that will take on your baby as their own - I know I found one. Do not let the fact that you are single affect your desicion. God will look after your unborn child as he would not have allowed this child to be created if He did not have a bigger plan / Idea in place. Trust in him and you will be OK!! A baby is a gift from God and should be treated as such. Good Luck and keep the Faith!!!
Back to top
MP3
#9 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 1:10:26 PM(UTC)
Quote
mp3killa

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 11/24/2009(UTC)
Posts: 5
Points: 15
@lee,

Oh no!!! Another feminist... "Anything you can do I can do better" sentiment is really such a lame argument. Sometimes doing things together is best. Like I dunno... Raising a child?
Back to top
Gheckogoblin
#11 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 1:19:33 PM(UTC)
Quote
01531963126783782885

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/24/2011(UTC)
Posts: 1
Points: 3
Single parentdom is a long hard road to travel, however it is do-able. You made a mistake, it happens, but you have inside you a life that can change you forever.

Take the male out of the equation - yes he has legal responsibility blaa blaa blaa - but that's just money. There is more to parenting and decision making than money. Look at yourself, who you are, where you are going, what you want from you life, etc, and evaluate how having a child can fit into that dynamic. I was also an unwed, single mother who was blessed with the most amazing gift.
After being told I would never have kids, I fell pregnant at 26. I went at it alone, and quite frankly the hardest part for me (being selfish here) was going thru the pregnancy and birth without a partner to share in the joy. Outside of that, my daughter and I have been just fine. It has been difficult, money has been tight, and only now, 15 years later, has her father stepped up to the plate and started contributing to her welfare. I decided not to demand it. I didn't want to 'force' anyone into her life that didn't want to be there. He had the option from day one and he chose not to. What was made clear tho, is that my daughter has the RIGHT to know her father and if and when the day came, where she wanted to know more, find him etc, I would NEVER EVER stand in her way. As soon as she started showing mature interest, I set the wheels in motion.

Make the decision for yourself - and for your unborn baby. No matter how hard things may seem, there is always a way.

Good luck and remember you are never ever alone.
Back to top
Risch
#10 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 1:32:34 PM(UTC)
Quote
Risch

Rank: Advanced Member

Groups:
Joined: 3/3/2011(UTC)
Posts: 30
Points: 90
My word, this topic hits a nerve...

Please don't beat yourself up over becoming pregnant from a one-night stand. Yes, you shouldve been more careful, yes you were stupid (one night stand, seriously, what about STD's, HIV...etc??), yes, the price you're gonna pay is high... etc... etc...

But, you can't change anything now. And I stand by what I believe: you don't create life. You are granted the privelege of being a part of it, but it is not up to you. God alone decides that. And I have proof. Nothing will stop you from getting pregnant, if God wants to give you a life. And nothing will make you pregnant, if God decides not to.

As for the dad, let him make his choices. He'll be responsible for them one day, not you. You will answer for your decisions, what you made with what you were given.

Your life took an unexpected turn. It can be very confusing, very sad, very frustrating, very lonely. It can also be very exciting, very rewarding and interesting. Allow yourself both sides of the coin.

Mostly, don't bother what anybody says or thinks... not even me. At the end of the day, It's your life. Your choice. Follow your heart. Nobody knows you or your motives or your fears, but you. Please don't listen to others. They/we really don't matter. You do. Yes, you alone. If you're fine, the baby's fine. If you take of you, you'll take care of the baby. It just works that way.
Back to top
yayas
#12 Posted : Tuesday, May 24, 2011 1:33:59 PM(UTC)
Quote
yayas

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/24/2011(UTC)
Posts: 1
Points: 3
At the age of 32 It is not adviserable to have an abortion. What if this is your only chance of having a baby?? Are you going to lose out just because the boyfriend/one night stand Is not ready to have a child?? I think If you want to keep the child then by all means do so. If you are comfirtable with that no-one else has a say. This is solely your decision to make.
Should you find a man later on if life he should be able to love you & the child together-That's if he will trully love you.
Back to top
Ladylove7
#13 Posted : Wednesday, May 25, 2011 12:19:27 AM(UTC)
Quote
Ladylove7

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 5/23/2011(UTC)
Posts: 2
Points: 6
thank you for your good and bad comments... but i don't think some of you understand. The father is only upset that we live far apart and we are not together.. but if i have this kid he will do all he can to be there... out of his own... I never asked him for anything. he loves kids and he loves family, he's just upset that this is not the way he planned to have his first kid... but he is by no means saying he wants nothing to do with the child if i have it. in fact he's saying the opposite.. he wants to be there every day but i live far away from him so thats the issue... and that we are not together like I said.

also i am not expecting my family to bring up my child, i am the mother and i will bring my own child up, but if i need help then they are there to help out. I am lucky to be living in a big house with my family ... and my mom is 70 so she is quite excited to have a little bundle of joy running around.

i was just concerned that my child wont have a FULL TIME dad. He will definitely know his dad and will definitely get love from him... but i just feel sad that this is such a sudden thing for him.. and me,,, obviously i always wanted the happy family with a husband that will be with me through everything... and i was concerned that being a single mom will ruin my chances with my "soul mate " one day.

I have decided not to have an abortion ... so i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches and appreciate what I do have. Im 32 .. never been pregnant before, so I would say Ive been a pretty "good" girl up until now, so i have to deal with my responsibilities, and thats exactly what I am going to do .

but Wow I cant believe there are such sad and miserable ppl on this forum commenting so aggressively to ladies who are crying out for help. Lucky im a tuff lady that knows who I am, and knows how to brush off stupid people ... who are only acting out and belittling people because of their own insecurities and misfortunes.

To those of you who support love and life and promote positivity... you too will be blessed with happiness and positivity. what goes around comes around hey . ;)


xxxx
Back to top
JO2011
#14 Posted : Thursday, June 02, 2011 5:08:56 PM(UTC)
Quote
JO2011

Rank: Newbie

Groups:
Joined: 6/1/2011(UTC)
Posts: 5
Points: 15
Wow, we all make choices in life good and bad. I also had a child born out of wedlock and even though I was engaged to the dad at the time, I still wasn't married to him so I've had to live with the consequences of that decision when he decided he did not want the baby. I have to say though that although I expected to be harshly judged, I never was and everyone stood by me and supported me in the decision to keep the baby as abortion was never an option for me. It's difficult enough doing it on your own and especially going through the birth on your own without people still attacking you from the side. Let's try to be a little more understanding of each other and supportive. Can any of us truly say we have never ever made a stupid mistake in life . This lady posted this in the hopes of finding some support in what can feel like a desperate situation. She knows what she did was not the wisest of choices but she deserves some admiration for wanting to keep the baby and even considering to do it on her own.

She did not blame the dad and merely stated how he felt about the pregnancy so the rest of us could understand her situation. Why swear at her? People on this forum need to feel they can share without being attacked. If you disagree state it as diplomatically as possible as none of us know each other and it's easy to judge from the outside and to throw stones. Of course the ideal is always to have kids grow up in a home with both a mom and a dad but sadly this is not always the case.

As for Ladylove7, I can only talk from my own experience. I have never for a second regretted keeping my baby. Sure it is difficult at times but I promise you they bring so much joy and to have the opportunity to be a mom is a huge honour. I can't imagine my life now without my child. Life does change completely so be prepared for that but at our age most men have kids of their own as well so I do believe you still have a chance of meeting someone. Of course it's more of a challenge trying to date with a child but not impossible.
Back to top
Quick Reply Show Quick Reply
Users browsing this topic
Guest
Forum Jump  
You can post new topics in this forum.
You can reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You can vote in polls in this forum.

(c) 2008 24.com. All rights reserved. Legal notices | Advertise on 24.com | Contact Us