She is 24 years old and became a mother 9 months ago. She known the father for a short while before falling pregnant. They decided to get married after the baby (Isabel) is born. I often find her devastated then it is because of continued arguments they have. It was devastating to see my daughter going through all this heart ache. I kept on telling her I will help her get her own place and look after her until she can work again. She refused and said they are working through. So I discovered later that this guy is abusing her verbally. I have never seen her so down and out. Now after Isabel is 9 months old they have decided to break up. So they have been staying in a flat next to his parents house (he is 31 years old..). He moved opposite the swimming pool in his own flat. So she is still staying with him and his parents. She is most of the time depressed, upset and even turning on me and her sister. He is telling her all sorts of nonsence like I am helping her sister more than her ect. I havent' been there for her. Which is not true. The girls are my life. I have been paying Isabels nappies, milk, clothes and my daughters toiletries and clothes to try and help. Whaqt does he do. He is not paying rent or food because his mother supplies that. I have bought the cot, matras, clothes, bottles etc. He makes promises and never keep it. But my daughter sticks to her story that he helps her and not moving out.

My opinion is this guy is getting away with maintenance, (his bread is buttered on both sides) have my daugther around so he can remind her how worthless she is and turning her againts me. She is very rude to me when we speak and does n't really care anymore. She struggles to get work and the more I tell her she needs to get out of there the less she listens to me. She believes no one will see though her unhappiness and that is not a reason why she can't find work. I dont' see my granddaugter and the times that my daughter came to visit he keeps on phoning her and upsetting her that we do not have much of a visit. she is becoming as common as he. The way she speaks and swears lately. That is not my daughter. This guy is bad news why can't she not see it. I have tried so dearly to get her out of there but no luck. She is asking me now to help with a car which i can only do when she has a job. I will then suggets why doesn't he helps her then she just says it is not his responsibility. She never gets out. She sits in this one bedroom place and looks after Isabel. If i want to pick her up for ther weekend she doesn't want to. I have been praying that her eyes will open or if I am wrong so i can understand.

Does your daughter admit he is abusing her? If not, then it will be hard for her to admit she is becoming like him. I hope that her eyes will open. She is indeed in the clutches of evil. Only our amazing Creator can save her, will keep her in my prayers.

Hi Dee,
My heart goes out to you and your daughter in this difficult situation. As a mother it is heart breaking to see your daughter going through this hell whilst you feel like a helpless bystander.
I myself was in a physically and verbally abusive relationship and from experience there was not much anyone could say that would make me leave the man. It took years of abuse and finally a rude awakening that I was better off without him. Unfortuntately, it doesn't come without scars and any abused woman can tell you this.
An abused person knows in their heart that what their partner is doing is not right but abusive partners have a wicked way of controlling, of manipulating and making you feel worthless. They do this in a number of ways such as withholding their love etc. constantly undermining you etc It sounds to me like your daughter is still hanging on to some kind of hope because otherwise she would not still be staying there especially after you have offered to assist her. My ex tried the same with my mother, he did and said all he could to turn her against me with the most wicked lies until she nearly had a break down. He would even phone her after we were seperated and getting a divorce. He wanted to see my life a perpetual hell. People can be so wicked.
She definitely sounds depressed and this is not good for her or the baby. Depressed people go into a spiral of hopelessness and see no way out. I don't know what to advise. Perhaps some councelling \ therapy as was suggested. My thoughts are with you. There is no quick solution here. I can see you are there for your daughter, don't ever give up on her.
Visit my blog if you want to read more on my experiences
http://blogs.women24.com/Hope_Full

My heart goes out to you but you can not help her if she does not want to be helped. It sounds like your daughter is content living the way she is and does not believe she has a problem so there is not way you can help her. I strongly believe that it is not her boyfriend, maybe your daughter has issues with herself and she can not deal with it. Remember that after a women gives birth her body and hormones change, She maybe suffering from Post Natal Depression. Since she has no support from her boyfriend and she can not get a job, she seems to be sinking more into it. Maybe you should speak to her about this and consider getting her to a therapist. Goodluck and I will keep you in my prayers.

If she lives with his mother, what does she have to say about all this? She is allowing a girl to live with her, even though her son and this girl has broken up.. Can't you maybe talk to the mother and find out more about what is going on there?