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EricSP
#1 Posted : Friday, March 27, 2009 1:37:35 PM(UTC)
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EricSP

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I have a stepson who is 14 years old. A few months ago I found evidence that he visited porn sites on our home PC. His mother discussed the matter with hiim and he said he was ashamed and would not do it again. That was the end of the matter.

Today while waking him up for school, I noticed on his phone that was chatting to someone on mixit in very sexually explicit manner (he fell asleep and did not terminate the conversation). What should we do? Take away his WAP-enabled phone? We intend to chat to him tonight and I am in favour of taking away his cellphone. The reason is that he lied to us on the previous occassion.

I'll appreciate any advice.
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parent24ed
#2 Posted : Friday, March 27, 2009 2:01:57 PM(UTC)
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Your plan sounds reasonable to me. You gave him a chance to earn your trust, and he let you down. I would make it for a fixed period, eg a month, and then let him try again to prove he can be trusted. But he clearly needs an outlet for his sexual feelings -- maybe suggest he create art or poetry or something? I would also make it clear WHY you disapprove -- is a religious thing, or is it about the objectifying of women, for example. Jeesh, our parents never had quite these types of problems, hey? Good luck.
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EricSP
#3 Posted : Friday, March 27, 2009 2:14:02 PM(UTC)
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EricSP

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Thanks. My concerns are that he maybe chatting to sick paedophile on mixit who may lure him and.... Secondly, even if it a girl his age, STD's and pregnancy if he acts on his sexual feelings.
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parent24ed
#4 Posted : Saturday, March 28, 2009 12:53:34 PM(UTC)
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Hi Eric -- I am sure if you share those concerns he will appreciate why you want to place limits (just don't expect him to show you he appreciates it!) Let us know how it goes.
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Debzter007
#5 Posted : Monday, October 12, 2009 12:42:56 PM(UTC)
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Good luck with the above..

I have a younger sister who is practically addicted to mxit...

Even by confiscating the phone, he will find a way around it.. Believe me.. wap enabled phones are availible very freely, and if he made up his mind, nothing will get in his way..

All I can suggest, is have a chat with him, don't get too angry, and find out WHY he enjoys it, as well as what exactly he enjoyes. Once he feels that its okay to talk to you about it, it will more likely become less of a problem. If teens get shamed about something, they will live with that shameful thought forever. As a parent, you guys infuence teens extremely. One wrong word, can change their lives, and give them a whole different outlook on life...

The above, coming from a has been teen, who did all there is to do, learnt what was needed the hard way, and decided to put her experiences and mistakes out there, to help people and advise on everyday issues, as no one was able to advise her.. Its better to know in advance, equipping you with the skills to cope if the situation arises..

Remember that in the life teens are living in today, anything goes... Its important as parents to first LISTEn and then only once yu have digested the info, act on it, in a correct way...

Thnx for letting me share
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Mumsy
#7 Posted : Friday, April 23, 2010 10:22:26 PM(UTC)
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The "new-age"of communication via internet and cellphones for youngsters is a huge problem. MXit which is a cheap cellular "chatroom" brings along huge concerns. It is scary to watch how children become addicted.

At least you have found "things" out before he has become "hooked". Try and keep open all communication channels and chat to him and let him know about the implication of these sites and the type of peple using these site. Give him as much graphic detail that you know he can handle, so that he will be more wary and scared to go onto these sites.


Two rules that have worked in our favour so far are:-

- Making our teens charge their cell phones at night outside their rooms (making us able to monitor them)
- No computer in any bedrooms all have to be in one central place so that you can always keep a check on what they are up to.

So far this has worked for us, until they find something else to challenge us with!
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Mumsy
#8 Posted : Saturday, April 24, 2010 7:04:24 PM(UTC)
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Mumsy

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Hi Eric

Been thinking Think about your dilemma regarding your step-son and have found a very informative site for you to look at.
Click here
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Guest
#6 Posted : Sunday, April 25, 2010 6:35:13 PM(UTC)
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Debzter007 wrote:
Good luck with the above..

I have a younger sister who is practically addicted to mxit...

Even by confiscating the phone, he will find a way around it.. Believe me.. wap enabled phones are availible very freely, and if he made up his mind, nothing will get in his way..



Quite simply, WAP is something your service provider has to enable - and can also DISABLE! Technology doesn't only work one way.

Parents can, and should, confiscate cellphones, disable internet access, and enforce rules - being a parent doesn't mean being a friend. Friends are a dime a dozen - parents have a job to do, and a responsibility to do it.

Trust is earned - it's not a right.

Parenthood is a responsibility, which brings with it the unpleasant fact that decisions you make for the good of your children are not always (if ever) popular with your children. Live with it!
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sizwe
#9 Posted : Tuesday, October 12, 2010 10:48:47 PM(UTC)
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EricSP wrote:
I have a stepson who is 14 years old. A few months ago I found evidence that he visited porn sites on our home PC. His mother discussed the matter with hiim and he said he was ashamed and would not do it again. That was the end of the matter.

Today while waking him up for school, I noticed on his phone that was chatting to someone on mixit in very sexually explicit manner (he fell asleep and did not terminate the conversation). What should we do? Take away his WAP-enabled phone? We intend to chat to him tonight and I am in favour of taking away his cellphone. The reason is that he lied to us on the previous occassion.

I'll appreciate any advice.
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