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Should children call step-parents mom or dad?
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parent24ed
#1 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 12:46:30 PM(UTC)
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parent24ed

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At what point does Sandra become Mom? On your wedding day? Or does it just happen organically without being forced? Such a good question, which I first spotted on coparenting.co.za.
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Shazzie
#2 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 12:58:06 PM(UTC)
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Hi, speaking as a step parent to a girl who is now nearly 17 and no longer in my life, I don't think that it is something that should be forced.
My step daughter called me Mum when talking to me in English (her second language) and Tannie when talking in Afrikaans.
It was never suggested that she should do it, she just did it as a matter of course and very naturally.

I have my own little girl and would feel a little heartsore if she called someone else Mum, when I have waited so long to hear that very special name.
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Gavin
#3 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 2:54:17 PM(UTC)
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Being a step father, i honestly say, i see the kids as my own. M daughter (Step Daughter) call may daddy, but my son (Step son) call me uncle Gav. i am not going to force them to all me something they are not comfortable with. I let them decide what to call me.
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MsB
#5 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 3:05:06 PM(UTC)
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Hi, my step daughter was quite pleased after our wedding to be able to call me Mom. Her own Mom stopped that though, I understand but it's sad if initiated by the child themselves. My opinion, great if they do and it comes from them naturally, if not you still mean alot to them weither way.
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AdamE
#6 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 3:46:37 PM(UTC)
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my mom died when i was about 5 and we called my step-mom , whom my father married 6 years later, aunty + name . after 35 years we call her "mother'' with lots of affection since we were lucky to have my father choose such a kind ,loving and patient person. when did it change over not sure-- it just happened but the start might have been just after my baby brother was born and progressed until the first grandchild called her "ma".....so in our instance it happened naturally even after in the early stages when i rebelled against calling her mother.
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Maddy
#7 Posted : Monday, August 22, 2011 5:50:46 PM(UTC)
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Hi all, my Boyz call my new hubby by his first name, and their stepmom by her name. However, we all talk about 'spare mom' & 'spare dad'. I don't think kids should be forced to call a step parent mom or dad - let them decide what they want to be called, and/ or let the kids decide what to call them. An Afrikaans friend of mine also has a lovely term - trappie pappie! Get it? Step = trappie! I love it, lol!
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SweetP
#8 Posted : Tuesday, August 23, 2011 1:09:54 PM(UTC)
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My step-kids were 3-years-old (girl) and 5-years-old (boy) when I moved in with their father after their mum abandoned them. They are now 7 and 9 and live with us permanently. I have a very strong bond with both of them, so much so that people cannot tell that I'm not related to them. My step-daughter calls both myself and her biological mother 'Mum', but she says I am her real mum. My step-son calls me by my name and we have a great friendship. We've never forced him to call me 'Mum' but he refers to me as his mum. I have my own son who is 6 months old and we are very blessed to have a 'normal' family.
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Alex Cowling
#9 Posted : Tuesday, August 23, 2011 5:04:13 PM(UTC)
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My step daughter calls me Issie (family joke/nickname). I think its the best and encourage all step-parents to make your own title/name. Taking someone's title can really cause unnecessary tension, weather or not they play an active role or not, weather or not the child's parent is alive or not as it could cause tension with their family. When my step daughter calls me that, I feel like its a form of respect and affection together... just like a mommy-type name would be.
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The Hogg
#10 Posted : Wednesday, August 24, 2011 7:07:30 AM(UTC)
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my opinion is to leave the kids and let them decide what to call who. My son (4) calls his "step mom" by her nickname and he even calls me funny names sometimes.

The one thing I don't agree with is when kids call you "jy en jou".

Its what the children is comfortable with, and yes I know that parents don't like or like the idea of their kids calling the step mom/dad, mom or dad. You cant punish the children for this.

Its up to the maturity of the parent(s) to handle the situation.
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