It is always advisable of people to be frank about their dealings and what led to a situation. It is very sad in this day and age that people are not honesty about a situation they always want to appear as victims.
The best solution at all times separates your personal relations with the Dad and the child. You' will find ladies so sharp to force their kids to forget their fathers in the name of protecting the new relationships. And, that is not right either and i don't any sane person would kill the mother of his/her kid. In this day and age a kid needs both parents to prevent any outside taking advantage of the kid. When the kid gets abused you will find that she is the first to suppress that and making the more of a psycho.
Separate you child from your relations with the mother. To be frank i want to believe that you not the only female on earth. I am in a similar situation but slightly different where i have observed that she is so obsessed satisfying herself about the past by ensuring that she rules when, where and how the kid should be visited. I have reiterated that i don't want to visit their premises at all. I want my kid in my space it’s just people are too educated for bull shit sometimes things that can be sorted amicably their want to be trick at all times.
How do you explain that none of your family members know your kid, me I’ll not be employed or reduce such chances I will not stand and watched being reduced to a spectator to my child.