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The sex talk is so... AWKWARD!
Parent24
#1 Posted : Wednesday, September 28, 2011 3:51:18 PM(UTC)
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Okay. Time to share. How did you do the "sex talk"?

It's just so awkward?

Please share some tips with us.
Charlie
#2 Posted : Thursday, October 06, 2011 4:13:26 PM(UTC)
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It's only akward if you wait till they are teenagers.
Chaos
#3 Posted : Thursday, October 06, 2011 4:49:41 PM(UTC)
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Awkward for who is the question? Isnt that the same snotty nose you use to wipe, or changing those nappies that left you thinking " what on earth did you eat?" So haven't you faced the worst already? broken bones, skinned knees. I think that we dont give our kids enough credit. With the kind of access they have to information they could probably educate us on the topic.

My approach would be to share information rather than "have the talk" Understand what they have learnt and steer them in the right direction. I believe it will be awkward only if you haven't exposed the child to the very basics that lead to sex. I'm talking about parents that dont hug, hold hands, kiss each other... that dont show affection in the presence of their children. Now before someone bites my head of about respect or culture, understand that im not being disrespectful. I'm talking about the point of view that parents give their kids about sex/intimacy due to religious or cultural beliefs. If "love", the element that should eventually lead to intimacy is seem as something that is only displayed by a sexual act and only behind closed doors, then children are led to think that physical intimacy is the end goal. If they are allowed to see that there are various avenues to express love besides sex, they will have more choice. If you dont have that relationship then i guess it is going to be a little awkward.

What im talking about is helping them understand what the world has already taught them about sex. Porn for example, is freely available and kids are constantly faced with the opportunity to indulge. IF they are lead to believe that what they see in these video clips is real life, thats when it goes down hill. In short, the industry is centered around woman being dominated and men being doing pretty much whatever they want. Dont get me wrong, porn can be a useful tool but only in a healthy, stable relationship. These are the things that "the talk" should try to shed some light on. Teaching kids to love themselves before the try to love anyone else. Respecting their bodies and understanding that giving yourself to someone is a gift that has to be earned and not demanded or expected. Just be honest with them. You may find that it will bring you even closer to them.
Tom
#5 Posted : Friday, October 07, 2011 11:28:06 AM(UTC)
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Nah, piece of cake...

Not!

My son was 7 years old. He was talking about things that happened at his school - he was living with his mom in the Cape at the time - and something he said made my ears prick up. And I questioned him carefully, only to finally realise that a child (almost double his age) at the aftercare (son of the owner) was molesting the other children.

He'd told his mother exactly what he told me, but she just pooh-poohed it and kept sending him to that place. He kept saying, "But mommy doesn't BELIEVE me - she won't LISTEN to me!" Literally, his mother was delivering him to a molester every day, and no matter how much he protested, she just kept right on doing it.

So I hauled out the textbooks, and told him everything, from top to bottom.

I showed pictures. I made drawings. I found photographs - ANYTHING he needed to help him understand and grasp the mechanics of the matter. And I promised him that, no matter WHAT happened, he could always count on me - and no matter what he wanted to know, I would always tell him the truth, and if I didn't know, I would find out for him. I've kept that promise.

Oh, and I told him to tell that child that, if he EVER touched my son again, I would fly down to the Cape and personally rip his head off with my bare hands. That little line had an electrifying effect, apparently...

Of course, a week after he'd gone back to the ex, I got a phonecall from her telling me I was disgusting, perverted, and sick for telling 'her' son about the birds and bees, and she even threatened to lay charges against me - to which I replied "If you had done the job of parenting OUR son properly, the way you seem to believe only you can do it, and LISTENED to him when he cried out for your help, our son would not have been repeatedly exposed to a child molester at his school. Do me a favour and lay those charges, and let us see exactly where you get with that. If ANYBODY should be prosecuted, it's you for not doing your job properly! So go ahead.".

That was the last I heard of the matter until recently - he's now 19 and living with me, despite his mother's efforts to stop him doing so - when he opened up and told me exactly WHAT had happened and how my lecture to him had given him the strength to say "NO! YOU WILL NOT TOUCH ME!!!!!". He also told me how his mother had THEN listened to him, far too late to help, but only after I had taken her on.

Teach them about the birds and bees earlier rather than later, I say, but it always depends on the child him/her self.

Just make sure you give them the FACTS, ALL the facts, and nothing BUT the facts!
Don't try to bullsh1t them - kids can smell that from MILES away.
awmperry
#6 Posted : Monday, October 10, 2011 4:18:07 AM(UTC)
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When I was a kid, I was just naturally curious, so with book-obsessed parents (I eventually grew into one myself, with over 8000 books in my own library) it was incredibly easy to stumble across all sorts of educational stuff. I grew up with not only a basic but workable understanding of the internal combustion engine, air traffic control, deep-sea diving, spice mining on that planet in Dune and the history of cinema in 1930s Germany... but also a thorough understanding of how human reproduction works. By the time I was eight I could point out Fallopian tubes on any diagram (well, any diagram of the female reproductive system, anyway), and so for me, "the talk" never seemed to become necessary.

My wife and I are planning to use the same approach with our son - that still leaves all the psychosocial stuff, but it's the technical bits that always seem to flummox people, so we're ahead of the game there. ;)
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