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Lacri
#1 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 9:45:23 AM(UTC)
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My husband fetches our 15 month old son from daycare. Yesterday our son was irritable when they arrived home and my husband explained that he'd stopped at the garage to buy a cooldrink and the queue at the till was a little long, and our son had got upset at the wait. It occurred to me to ask whether he'd left him in his carseat, and it turned out that this was the case. I was horrified, and we had an argument about it. He felt that it was ok to leave him in a locked car, at 5pm in the afternoon in cool weather, within sight of the shop. I don't feel that it's ok to leave a toddler unattended in the car ever, and especially not if there is a long queue. Although the car might have been in sight of the shop, I don't believe for a moment that he had his eye on the car/our son for the whole time he was there. Am I being unreasonable to freak out?
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nixcroft
#2 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 2:29:54 PM(UTC)
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yes and no. your husband didn't intend to neglect your son, he didn't intend to do him harm.

However I agree he shouldn't have. And don't play the safety of the child what if someone stole him card. What if your husband took him with to the shop en the shop was robbed and your son, feeling the tension cried and the armed robber "lost" it and shot your son. Wouldn't you have said "Since my husband was only getting a cool drink couldn't he have left him in the car ?"

State your unhappiness, by all means, but don't pick a fight about nonsense. There are far too many what ifs on both sides of the argument.
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Frustrated
#3 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 2:39:34 PM(UTC)
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Not only are you right to be upset, but your husband should be ashamed of his actions. It is actually unlawful to leave a child un-attended in a vehicle.
Anything can happen. It's irresponsible. My children are teenagers allready of 12 and 13 and we don't even leave them alone in the car....sies man.
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mnbain
#5 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 2:44:49 PM(UTC)
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Yup you are being unreasonable. If the car was locked and ventilated and it was a short stop, and the car was in sight. I don't believe your husband would intentionally do anything to endanger his son.
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GEHarris
#6 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:02:50 PM(UTC)
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My wife and I found a baby crying in the car at a local shopping mall the other weekend and after waiting for around 15 minutes I confronted the father, who by the way also did not feel he was in the wrong.

As a father of 2 I cannot even comprehend what is going through someones mind when they act in this way.

Not that I am a paranoid parent but come on, use some bloody common sense.

You are right to be angry!!!
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Andrew
#8 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:07:54 PM(UTC)
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Sure your husband was wrong, but just say so, make him promise not to do it again and move on.
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Zip23
#9 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:11:44 PM(UTC)
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Its not as if he left him in the car to go shopping. Men do things that make sense to them, women act on emotions. As usual, your emotions got the better of you. Leave your husband alone and get a hobby, you obviously have too much time on your hands.
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GuitarGuy
#10 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:17:04 PM(UTC)
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I'm a dad, and just the thought of leaving my child (who is 3½ years of age) in the car unattended, freaks me out. I just feel that you do not leave a child who is so young anywhere unattended as they do not understand being "left alone". If my wife had to do it with my child, we most probably also would've had a fight about it. I do agree with one of the previous comments that your husband almost certainly had no ill intentions towards your child, but discuss both your points of view and why both of you felt justified in your actions / beliefs.
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allows
#11 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:32:33 PM(UTC)
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No it is not unreasonable. I would have flipped too!! What was he thinking? I have read too many stories of babies left in cars and dying from the heat, cars catching fire or being stolen from the cars. Stupid man!!
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L-H
#12 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 7:46:15 PM(UTC)
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I would have freaked out too! it is dangerous and irresponsible. I certainly hope some of the commentators here are sterile.
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Turbo
#13 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 9:20:44 PM(UTC)
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Some people should never be allowed to have kids. Whoever agrees with this father, you are the people I am talking about. No child should ever be left unattended in the car ... EVER! I am a father of two, and its just something I would never do. And for a cooldrink? You have got to be kidding!!?
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tk
#14 Posted : Wednesday, October 19, 2011 11:41:11 PM(UTC)
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In principle I whole heartily agree with you, a child should not be left alone. But being a father I can really see the other part as well. Say you are at home, do you leave your child in the house while you quickly go put up the washing? Do you leave him alone for a minute or 5 while going to the bathroom? Now you leave a crawling walking child out of your site for a few minutes. So you have left a child un-attended in a house which is suppose to be baby proof yet we all know that is only really half-way there, but you want to go down on your husband for leaving the child, fastened in a seat, in his line of site? I would not have done it, but I don't believe it requires more than a discussion. If the baby or at least car was in your husbands line of sight it is not a big deal... i the car was around the corner - make that discussion heated!
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RibaldGadfly
#15 Posted : Thursday, October 20, 2011 2:45:18 AM(UTC)
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Perhaps some of those commenting should actually READ what happened. It's not as though he was out of sight; he could see the child and car throughout. Sometimes a queue materialises when one didn't exist before.
Personally, I still don't think you're being unreasonable though - if you feel that way you're not being unreasonable to say so. Your partner might feel the opposite & not be unreasonable either - it's just a difference of opinion. Perhaps we need to learn to live with our differences rather than try and impose our values on others in all instances.
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Lacri
#16 Posted : Thursday, October 20, 2011 10:12:40 AM(UTC)
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For the record, the only point of argument is what we will agree to going forward. In the specific circumstances I mentioned, I'm satisfied that the risk wasn't huge and that my husband's intentions were good. I still feel that the best principle is that the baby does not get left alone in the car ever.

And to whoever asked if I leave the baby unattended to hang up the washing - I pay someone else to hang up my washing. When I am supervising him alone, he is within sight at all times except for certain limited circumstances where I cannot have him in sight (eg to go to the bathroom) when he is placed in a prepared "safe" room (his own room) which is within earshot. While I am at work he is cared for at a high quality daycare facility where he is supervised at all times - he is not looked after by a nanny/cleaner who lets him wander off or places him in front of the TV while she does the dishes or makes the beds. Age-appropriate attention and supervision are extremely high priority principles that I take very seriously.
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H Ferreira
#17 Posted : Thursday, October 20, 2011 10:59:20 PM(UTC)
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Gosh, people get so riled up on these forums lol. No matter what you post about, people will just hate you and slate you.
Anyhoo. Im a mom of 2, and Ive left my kids in the car twice in the whole 3yrs they've been alive. Yes yes, gasp and say sies and all that. But I am also a paranoid freak. I make sure they are both sleeping. I park somewhere close to the entrance. I ask an attendant to keep an eye on my car. And then I keep my eye on the car the entire time i am in the queue. Really, the entire time. It is possible. In and out in 4mins max. The honest alternative to buy a damn cooldrink and pay for petrol is to unclip and carry, yes, 5'2 tiny woman, carrying 2 toddlers in my arms while holding a handbag, wallet, coldrink. Keep in mind they are both tired and miserable as hell because i woke them up to buy my cooldrink.. I would then (of course full of energy as it's been a long hot day and it's 4pm) run around the shop while they wail and want to be picked up, and buy chips etc etc etc.
Call me negligent, sies,whatever the heck you want, I said I was a paranoid freak and I am. I stare holes into my car, I watch for any sign of either being awake, and leave if they wake up as I assume they'd wail finding they are alone. But if in 2minutes I can buy my damn drink and pay for petrol, empty handed and in silence, I will do so. It's a personal thing between you and your husband, argue with him, ask him not to do it next time, whatever. Bringing it up here will just bring out the exremists who think he deserves a beating and a load of scorn and shame for it. Whatever. Perspective people. 2 sides to everything, remember?
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T0M
#18 Posted : Friday, December 09, 2011 1:43:57 PM(UTC)
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Lacri, perhaps the following news report will place your original posting into perspective:

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Babies left in boiling car, mom arrested
2011-12-08 22:49


Riata Nel, Beeld

Vereeniging - A woman was arrested at a shopping centre in Vereeniging on Thursday after paramedics had to break the window of her black BMW to rescue two severely dehydrated children.

The incident happened in the parking area of the River Square shopping centre.

According to reports she hit a policeman with her fist when she saw that the window had been broken.

She'd been away from the car for more than half-an-hour, a witness said.

The BMW was parked in the sun at about 14:00, said the witness, who added that there had been four children in the car.

The 34-year-old apparently opened the one window slightly before going shopping with the two older children.

"She left the little ones in the car," the witness said.

The youngest of the two is a 6-month-old baby, while the other one is younger that two.

"It was very hot," said the witness.

No response

The temperature was said to have been close to 35°C.

A car guard called police and Netcare 911.

"The children were exhausted from crying. They were soaking wet. Everything in the car was wet.

"So I broke the window and took them out of the car. They had to have oxygen at the hospital," said Netcare paramedic Mary-Ann Rautenbach.

She says especially a baby can dehydrate very quickly.

"That's why I broke the window."

The one child didn't even open her eyes, said Rautenbach.

The Vereeniging police's Captain Shadow Mashobane said the woman would be charged with neglect, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer.

According to research it takes only 15 minutes for a black car to heat up from 37 °C to 64 °C, and can reach up to 88 °C.

The California air resources board has done research into black cars standing in the sun. They found that on average a white car is 4.6 °C cooler than a black car.

In addition they found that a black car reflects 5% of the sun’s rays, compared to a white car which reflects 50%.



- Beeld
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