OR rather what is the best option to handle this?

I mean I would never even think of kidnapping my own son and I would have no reason to do so?

This is not the first time this has happened.

I am not saying she is right by any means but please take a moment and put yourself in her shoes. Someone has obviously told her about a situation like that or she has read it etc. The thought of losing a child is a mother's worst nightmare. Please remember we carry this little life in our bodies for 9months, so for most moms even just going back to work and being separated from your child is torture.

I am only telling you this to explain her over-reaction. Why don't you try and talk to her. Try to reassure her. Not all accusations come from spite, most come from FEAR!

You need to realize that your son and his mother are a package you treat the one as you would the other. Your wife needs to do the same, anything less is bad for the kid.The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother (divorced or not). I doubt though by your account that your ex is capable of this attitude. My ex did the same and now she is doing it with our grand daughter. Some women have it in their genes. Good luck.

@ concernedMom, I truly appreciate your input.

Just understand from a fathers point of view, We live in a sick twisted world. We see it everyday. We read and hear of children being raped and molested and killed.

If she read or see something on the news or hear a story from a friend, it doesn't mean that the father of your child is going to kill or rape or in this case kidnap your child. One cannot go and make accusations left and right just because out of fear and something you read or heard about. There are ways and means of showing ones concerns as parents that is at the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD.

I have asked now for my ex if we can properly meet and get to know her newest boyfriend seeing that she now pregnant. Our son lives under their(his) roof and I would like to know him in person. Just like all the other men she brought home to and lived with, with our son.

There is a way of doing things that is not harmful to the children and we all are adults and to act accordingly.

@Concerned Mom:
Please, PLEASE PLEASE go back and read EXACTLY what I wrote.

Accusing a man of wanting to kidnap his OWN child, is accusing him of planning to commit a crime. Do you think that somebody planning to commit a crime should be allowed to commit it before the police can do something about it? Or should they be prevented from committing that crime? If the latter, how would you prosecute?

BUT!!!! If you are guilty of falsely accusing somebody of planning to commit a crime, and doing so maliciously and with evil intent, then are you yourself not guilty of a crime?
Just for starters: You are slandering his good name, you are sowing distrust between him and his child, and you are casting him in a criminal light. Should that not be punishable by law?
Seems to me it should be, and it is!

It appears to me that all you're doing is defending the indefensible - this woman (mother?) should either get herself some psychiatric help to deal with her personal issues, or start talking with her ex-husband to get over her unfounded fears. Perhaps a really good start would be for her to stop reading the trashy magazines that do nothing but sensationalise things that often didn't even happen, and to stop listening to the gossip and email that flies around the office, mostly intended to scare gullible individuals - www.snopes.com is often a very good source for checking out alarmist emails, incidentally. But MOST importantly, she should be putting her child's best interests first. And that DOESN'T include telling the child that daddy is going to kidnap him!

Heck, she's been involved with HOW MANY men since the divorce? Engaged to how many? Moved how many times? Lived with how many different men?
To refresh your memory:
From what I can see, the Hogg has been involved for most of the last 3 years with only one other person, his then girlfriend and now live-in partner.
And you still think the mother in question is the best person for the job of parenting this child?


Here's a wake-up call: the old maternal preference rule is dead. Gone. Buried.
The new Children's Act is in force.
And the Constitution backs it up to the hilt.
BOTH parents have equal rights and responsibilities with regard to their child.
And ANY person who obstructs a child's access to either of that child's parents, is in contravention of the law.

The best parent for the job is actually the one who is demonstrably the most stable, balanced, and mature.

I'm REALLY not seeing this particular mother in that role.

I'm not even seeing her here on this forum, seeking help for her insecurities and issues, trying to find out how to deal with her fear of everything that she can't personally control, or how to behave more reasonably and legally towards her ex-husband, the father of their child.

But I AM seeing the Hogg here - seeking assistance, trying to resolve the issues, and doing his best to be a good parent.

On the balance of probabilities, my money is on the Hogg...

But then, I don't suppose logic and reasonableness is going to count too heavily in my favour. After all, I'm a man and therefore, according to the Hogg's ex, a potential kidnapper and (thereby) a criminal. Gee, but the life of a criminal is hard and unrewarding... I guess they were right when they told me "Crime doesn't pay"............

Ok, I take it the moderator(s) didn't like my previous reply.

Let me repeat: Please, please PLEASE re-read my posting. I'm not against 'you' per se, but I AM FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD!

The child does not deserve to have his mother accuse his father (and all other men) of being criminals who kidnap children - this is fear-mongering and abuse of the child, as well as a deliberate attempt to damage the relationship between father and child.
This is in contravention of Section 35(1) of the Children's Act.

On the face of it, let's be honest, the mother doesn't seem to be doing all that well - in three years she's had HOW MANY failed relationships? Looks like she missed the class where they taught her about 'communication' - and that's generally why so many consecutive relationships go west: lack of communication.

Looks like we done found the culprit, ossifer!

hehehe - no worries, ConcernedMom, it took quite a (long) while for the posts to actually pass moderation... hence my belief that it didn't get approved by the moderators for some reason.

Actually, I believe you have the right kind of attitude - nobody is ALL bad, and most of the time the people who are causing all this heartache and grief for everybody else are themselves in a very unhappy place. Not that I think they should be allowed to inflict their own misery on others, but it IS understandable, to a certain degree.

Feel free to pop across to the section 35 website - you'll be amazed at how many people are being helped there. And well over a third of the members that side are mothers - Section 35(1) of the Children's Act is all about the children, and about the rights of those children to have free and unfettered access to BOTH parents. So the members on Section35 are serious about putting their children first - regardless of their own gender.

Which is, I dare say, exactly as it should be.

Sorry ConcernedMom, but if you aren't able to process reality in a way that doesn't leave you hysterically paranoid in a way that is literally damaging to your own child and broader family, then that probably means you are mentally ill. It's either mental illness, or she is being malicious, it's one of those two things. You don't get to inflict criminal damage on others just because you read about a situation and become hysterical.