After being married for just three years (a marriage that by my ex and my account should never have taken place, but we were pregnant with a baby), we got a divorce and I gave my ex just about everything... purely because I wanted my 4 year old daughter to have everything she needed. I pay almost R 20 000,00 per month and have put my daughter on a full medical aid. I fly to Johannesburg every month, hire a car and spend three nights with my daughter. Every night (when I am not in Jhb) at seven o'clock I speak with her for at least half an hour.

When she had her "family day at pre-school I flew up to be there... when she had her tonsils removed, I flew up to be there, she has a concert in two weeks time, I am flying up to be there and then on her birthday towards end November, I am flying up to be there... all this while I am unemployed and running out of cash fast!!! Why am I sharing all this??? Because even though I have done everything in my power to be a great dad... my ex refuses to let me fly up to Jhb to fetch my daughter and bring her down to PE where I live for three or four days.

She has "poisened my childs mind" with the belief that she is "too small" to be away from mommy and go to PE with her dad... and that daddy will "leave her all alone" when she is in PE with me. She even went to a social worker who clearly sided with her and said we should start with one night sleep-overs in Johannesburg all over again - even though when I go to JHb my child spends three nights with me (has done for over a year now) and does not want to go home. She even refuses to talk to her mom on the phone when I am in Jhb because I must tell mom "she is busy playing"... does that sound like a child who is suffering from separation anxiety. Last time in Jhb I tried to call the social worker to let my daughter tell her that she did not want to go home after only one night with dad..... and she (social worker) did not even take my call. I left a message... and now two months later - she still has not even returned my call.

I don't know what more to do. My ex-wife is emotionally blackmailing my daughter and me... and it is hurting us and our relationship. All I want for Christmas..... is my little girl for three or four days and nights.... in my home where I will love and cherish her as I always have.

Hmmm.... 4 years is a bit young for a girl to be away for so long and that distance from her mom and I am saying this as a divorced father with a 5 year old daughter whom I can also see for only a couple of days a month. Maybe when she is a bit older.... be realistic.

Your little daughter needs you just as much as she needs her mother. Your ex has no right telling your daughter she is "too small" to be away from mommy. Rather utilize some of your remaining money and go see an attorney who is clued up with the new childrens act. I am sure you will get results. Also look at the www.section35.co.za site.

My daughter is only 3 years old and living with me - her mother can see her anytime she wants, but in our case, mommy never really makes any time for her. My little one is doing just fine without her mother thus far, but I don't really appreciate the situation - I wish the mother would spend more time with our daughter because I believe it is imperative for her to have a relationship with both parents.

Your ex just need to look at me and my daughter as an example to get over herself, and the lame excuse of your daughter being too young. I am sure there are many other things she says to your little angel. Funny thing is; my ex tells me the exact same thing, our daughter is too young to grow up without her mother - and then it's ok for mommy to only want to see her for three days in any given month. Some people don't make any sense.

Hi Bud,

I feel for you. Hang in there and know that you now have equal rights as a father. Please mail me your contact details, as I have lost yours. lourentius@netparent.co.za

Tom, slow down, my friend. You have no knowledge of the background to the case regarding Jacqueline Miller, whereas I do. Jacqueline is an outstanding mother, and does nothing but the best for her children. You should know that in these cases, not everything is clear-cut and one-sided. You should read the judgement more carefully and with less anger and bitterness, and you might glean some better insight. You certainly have no right to cast judgement of your own in this or any other forum based only on your pre-conceived ideas of what sort of person Jacqueline must be, and any further comments like this may result in appropriate relief being sought.

For what it's worth:
I suppose the courts of this country routinely hand out fines of R20,000-00 to people who are only being kind, understanding, loving parents to their children and (of course) completely reasonable to their ex-spouse, especially with regards to their (note THEIR) child(ren).

It must be HELL being so fundamentally and thoroughly misunderstood, particularly by the courts, don't you think?

Perhaps you should actually be taking aim at the judge who handed down the fine? The same judge (one J.C.W. VAN ROOYEN, acting judge of the High Court) who said in his ruling "She must have known that she was in breach of the Court order and, accordingly, in line with what Van Heerden JA said in S v Beukes, 10 I find that she at least foresaw the possibility that she was in breach of the court order and nevertheless made arrangements without consulting the applicant" before passing sentence.

All that learning, all that experience, all that investigation and due consideration, all the arguments from learned counsel, and all the quoted precedents, examples, and pertinent judgements - and yet the judge still, according to you, got it completely wrong...

So may we then take it that you are applying for a position at the High Court?