My ex and myself have broken up. It was my fault. My reconciliation attempt has failed (rightly so probably).

Of course losing a partner also means losing the child, at this age I dont think she misses me, and probably will forget that I even existed before long. Her mom will allow visits. But besides it being extremely painfull for me to see her mom, and my old life. Being a dad was the greatest experience of my life. But the fact is my ex will build a new life with a new partner, and my daughter will regard that man as her father.

Im seriously contemplating sacrificing my visitation rights just to make the whole experience less painfull for everyone involved. Of course It will be painfull not seeing my daughter. I dont think at this age it will negatively affect her, she will have a positive male influence, it just wont be me. To let them build a fresh new life is the least I can do for them.

That is so selfish of you. This is not about you, this is about your child. She needs and deserves a father in her life and your supposed noble sacrifice is all about your self inflicted pain and not about her well being. Grow up and be a responsible father to your child.

You are a brave father. I wish my daughters father would do this. he did not have contact with her for almost 7 years and came back demanding to see her. he left with his skelm and married her. we had to intergrate him and his new family slowly into my daughters life and a year later it really is still turning her world upside down - and not in a good sense. her father has rights and he abuses the fact to get HIS will and not what is in the best interest of our child - and more so his wife who wants a second child. Now its of to the high court and thousands of rands later!!!!

all that said, my advise - pray good and hard about it. it is important for a child to get to know her father - she/he has to know and identify with him - which is why i have allowed this painfull process. The most important thing in a childs life is love and stability and maybe you and your ex can work out to have a good relationship on behalf of your child and you can have an input in the childs life in such a way that is not interfering in you ex and her husband raising of the child - cause face it the child like you said will be associating with the new man as her father as well. all the best dear father.

Dear heaven above, whatever you do don't do this to your little girl.
I don't care how hard or painful it is for you to see your ex and daughter and your "old way of life" your child deserves to have a loving and present father.
My little girl has only seen her father on his terms, every second Sunday only, has no sleep over visits, which was his choice too. She is now 12 and he has no real relationship with her. I see how sad that makes her.

Stay in her life, no matter how painful it may be for you, it is more painful for her to lose her father.

Hey Man whatever you do - do not walk out of your daughters life. I went through a painful divorce as well, we had two kids and I know it is not easy. My ex decided to remarry and moved to New Zealand without my knowledge (taking the kids with). It took me 8 years to trace them.

That was the worse 8 years of my life. We have now made contact and I have been over to NZ to see them. That again was not easy as they are young adults now, but it all worked out. During the period that I was searching for them I was totally stressed and also ended up suffering from depression. That landed me into a Psychiatric hospital for a few weeks.

Dont do this to yourself or your daughter. Face up to the situation and deal with it while you still have the chance.

Snap out of it!! Grow up and be a MAN!!! U need to go chill, stop running on emotions and relax. Get back into a routine..sports...etc...clear your mind and realise your life is not over. Just because u2 two are not working don't take it out on the little one, that is the COWARDS way out..sorry but I'm blunt cause we sugar coat just waaaaay to much in SA...

I am 36 and grew without a dad. My biologcal father decided to absolve himself from any responsibility towards me before i was ven born. He came to see mee when i was two days old and the next time I saw him again is when I was 13. I treid so hard to build a relationship with him but it was simply too late. We had no history, nothing to build on, nothing in common and no bond.
Today he is in his late 70's and dying of terminal cancer alone in a care facility. I tried to reach out to me but truth be told, he am completely indifferent and not willing to subject my children to his emotional battle. He asked my forgiveness and I could hardly hear him through his tears and rasping for air, but I can't forgive because I have nothing to forgive. I harbour no ill will, no hatred, no blame, no anger. I also have no love, understanding, compassion. I only wish him some comfort because he is battling regret as much as he is battling for oxygen.
My mother did remarry when i was about 2, to a man who completely ignored me or laughed his head off when I fell and scraped my knees raw. Apart from an uncle whom I saw every now and again, I had no dad to protect me from school bullies, no dad to teach me to ride a bike, no dad to clap in the audience at school, no dad who grabbed boyfriends by their scruff when they deserved to be grabbed and shaken about, no dad to teach me to drive a car, no dad to give me away at my wedding ano no dad who secretly gave his grankids chocolate. Thanks to three brothers and two male cousins I can do anything from changing a flat tyre to choosing the right drillbit to drill holes into concrete. But I married the only perfect man on this planet so i don't need to do anything like that. If you want a childhood like that for your daughter and to spend your lasty days alone and pathetic by all means break contact. If you are unable to stand up, take responsibility for your actions and raise and protect your daughter like your should, then be prepared to be labled a looser and coward for a very long time. No pathetic excuse will soothe your guilt. In for those mothers who would love nothing more than to keep their kids away from their fathers, I blame my mother for the years and years of therapy it took me to realise that I did nothing wrong and that i could not do anything different to win a fathers love and approval. They played their selfish little games like two pernicious weasels with little thoguht of what was in my best interest. Today they have to live with the decisions they made on their own. I am blissfully happy, healthy, proud and self confident but it took a horrible scarred childhood and many many many tears to be where and who I am today. I look back and although I am indifferent towards my biological father, I was so deeply envious of little girls who rode around on their dad's necks.

Jazz, from what you've written, I don't believe you're in a fit state of mind to be making decisions of this caliber right now. When any relationship goes belly-up, particularly when you yourself are at least in part responsible therefore, it's natural to feel depressed and even, to an extent, worthless.

This is normal.

But if you make a decision now, regarding your child, without having at least returned to a state of 'normality' (i.e. NOT depressed), then you WILL regret your decision in years to come.

You are your child's father. Nothing can change that. Nor should it be changed.

Take time to heal, and a year or maybe two from now you will be ready to make a reasoned, logical decision.

Good luck - and remember, no matter what you've done, you yourself are also hurting. Cut yourself at least a little slack - and come back here in a year to tell us what your decision is.