I've been reading up on this lately... teen conduct disorder, but also oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), as we've been looking at doing a story on it on Parent24.

Could you maybe share your story with us? From the literature, it sounds like a truly frightening thing for a parent to have to go through. What has you experience been?

Can you maybe share some real life examples of episodes of TCD?

That way other teen parents on the forums may be able to relate, or can get an idea just what you are talking about.

It's also always nice to have a vent.

Well, sorry to say, but in my experience, no it does not get better. Our episodes seem to go in waves. Some mornings you know just what kind of day it is going tobe when they wake up. Generally it is going to be a bad day when, trying to wake them for the third, fourth and sometimes fifth times, just to get them off to school, you are sworn at and told off in no uncertain manner. You know you can expect anything that day, but it is definately not the only time when things happen. Incidents can happen at the spark of a simple thing. Of course they are never wrong too. Everything happens because others make it so, or it is others that do everything - never them.

The challenging of authority is a real hard one to deal with. At home, my teen targets me specifically, and the challenges are very real, constant and even physically threatening at times. School is a joke - it is a place to show your heroism, and the lack of respect runs more into contempt. Authority being the thing that MUST be challenged at all times. As my teen progressed in age, it was not only parents, teachers and principals, or anyone in any type of authority that were challenged, but boundaries of law enforcement were also fair game. Again, no lesson seemed to be learned from repercussions of this either! It was just chalked up to heroism - a badge to be worn with pride.

The hard part is that you find yourself in such a spin with them and they are so diisruptive to the whole family, that the other children start to take a backstand because so much of your attention is commanded and the issues cannot just be dealt with easily, that you end up treating them differently and this has a rebounding effect on the other siblings in the family. You then sit with two different ways of parenting and it is very confusing and hurting for the others as they feel that not only is this child getting all the attention, but doing so by way of disgusting behaviour. It has not been my experience, but I do know of others where this has sparked other siblings to start behaving in the same manner, even though they did not have CD, just to get the same attention.

I know that I have tried many methods and ways of getting through to my teen, and in many many cases, just getting through the day ! The testing of your will is something that I battle with extensively. For instance, if we are late in the morning and I ask my teen to please hurry because of (whatever reason) then the purposeful taking of time will start. Sometimes my teen will just stop and stare at me challengingly and wait for me to get really agitated, taking one slow step and stopping and so on. Will stand at the gate and wait - refusing to help open up, or close the garage, because that would be assistiing in the task of leaving. Coaxing, pleading raising your voice, or whatever else you try doesn't help any - in fact it just plays right into their hands and by the time you leave them at their destination and go off to yours, you are in quite an emotional state and they have got out of the car with a smirk on their face - mission accomplished

A small share of our times....there are many more, and one thing you can be sure of - life is NEVER EVER dull. Oh for a weekend of peace and a good book !!

Believe it or note - there are many parents just like us and all feel that they are alone. Hoping more will venture their experiences here and know that they are not alone too. Many a time I felt that as a parent I should be doing more for my teen, even though I was assured that there was not much else that I could be doing, I always felt that if I just tried this, or just tried that, then maybe we could break through somehow. Your sister should speak to her daughter's psychiatrist regarding the way forward with her.

As far as school is concerned, I cannot give any advice on where to send her - again the psych doc or her therapist should be able to give some direction there. From our side, we have been to just about all types of schools with my teen and at all of them there was the same reactional behaviour. Starts off fine, then escalates to all the normal escapades - disrespect, classroom disruption- things like refusal to work, leaving class whenever the mood strikes, throwing over of desks, sleeping in class, has also set books on fire and just causes havoc all roundl. Then there is the fighting and total disregard for any school rules. Also goes to school with different colour items of uniform, or just not wearing parts of uniform, so regimented schools were not our best days. And of course never gets homework!!!! When we get a failure on a subject (duh) then the teacher is out to get teen - definately not teen's fault at all. hmmm right.

There have been many times that I have just wanted to crawl up in a ball and let the world take care of the constant issues, but am still here and so is my teen. When your phone rings and you see the school number come up, you die a little inside wondering just what you are going to be facing this time......

Wow, this does seem REALLY rough. How do you stay sane? Thanks for bringing this topic up here... clearly there are a lot of people out here who are suffering from similar issues, and feel alone, so I really think it helps to speak out.

Anyone got a teen with CD, and found some coping mechanisms/ effective parenting methods for this disorder?

hi holly hock, please read my note that i wrote at the bottom of your message: Quote believe it or not

Hi Helsbels - glad to see you still hanging in there! Firstly, I am assuming your daughter has been professionally diagnosed with CD by psyche docs. If not, you might want to have some discussions with them, as - there are tests/methods that can be done to detemine whether it is a medical or behavioural issue. However, I feel your pain for sure. My teen has had a long history of bad behaviour - right back to a small child actually - hmmm - ever hear of a pre-schooler being expelled.....it is caused by a no of things - you would need to have extensive counselling with psychologist and psychiatrist to get to the bottom of the problem, not sure whether hypno would bring it to the fore but I know that as a distraught parent you will go to all lengths to help the child. There are some parents that just can't handle it and just walk away!! Haven't done that, but sure can relate to their feelings. Also the internet does have quite a lot of info on the subject - and you might not always like the anwers that you find too.

We did try a christian school, and from the point of view that teen did not have to wear uniform, and the classes were much more relaxed and informal it did help to a certain extent, and although it was great in the beginning, he was still not able to conform and the aggression and typical antics built up over time and we had to move on again. Probably the only form that we have not tried is home-schooling and in our case, that would have been an absolute disaster, because just to get teen to do anything at home is a mission, so we definately did not even consider that route.

Family counselling is a great idea. You could find ways of explaining to the others just what is happening with your daughter and why "in certain instances" she could possibly be treated differently. It would also give them a chance to express their feelings and if the family works together, then it may help to get through certain episodes with less trauma for all involved.

We have had hair in all ways. All off, standing up straight, strange colours, different lengths, and so on etc... I found that I eventually adopted the style of "is it a threatening situation or not" with most things that I was challenged with, and if it was not too bad, learned to let some things slide - learned to choose my battles over the years - man - I had to save up my energy for the real ones haha... Sometimes every fibre of my being was screaming out to perform and I had to act like it was just another everyday occurrence. Heck that was and still is HARD. Imagine being presented with a tattoo (then 2, then 3) on your 14 year old - what do you do, when explosion is what they are looking for. Well, whilst my brain was exploding, pumping steam and blood clots through my eardrums, I re-swallowed my stomach, leaned over, had a good look and said "Hmmm, just as well they spelt that one right" and cried myself to sleep that night. And this is easy to write, but not to do (oh how I know) : do not to rise to the bait all the time. They feed off your emotions and reactions. It strengthens their rotten behaviour.

Hugs to you helsbels and keep us posted.

One thing to remember here is that these teens would have been professionally diagnosed with this disorder. As said earlier, it is not something to self-diagnose. They also have the attitudes and norms of teenagers, but you need to make the distinction between the two - ie are they just being a stroppy teen or are they doing their Oppositional Defiance thing Also these are usually accompanying behaviours of other disorders.

Hoping this has somehow helped others that are going through this really hard and often lonely road with their teen with CD. Come on - lets hear from you.

Thanks for pointing this out, Sam.