As he is not seeing his son, it seems very strange that you have to send him to his stepmother. I would recommend getting a legal opinion on this - phone Lee Bennie's Legally Speaking show on Monday evening on Radio 702 and Cape Talk or SMS her on 31702

Let him try his luck with a lawyer, rights are for biological parents, if he is not here for his weekend, tough cookie

This father is intentionally continuing to hurt you through your child. For him the child is simply a means to an end, a weapon. The step-mother will have been brainwashed into supporting this behaviour, so she will be no help to you. The father's threats of legal action and 'ways and means' are typical of the psychologically abusive dynamic of your defunct relationship, he is addicted to it and will easily find a lawyer who will assist this type of abuse. Get legal advice. Good luck to you and your son

What about maintaining the relationship with the new family? Just because she is not the biological mother, doesn't mean that there is no relationship there, or that maybe he wants to keep the routine in place so that when he is back, he gets given grief about never taking responsibility and not giving you enough time for you to have a break. As an aside, do you both not get together for the childs birthday anyway? Would this not apply for the day?

depending on how you get on with the new wife - why not discuss it with her.

.............how dare he?????

keep your child for his birthday let him go see his lawyers....

middle of a gory divorce myself. Had the children for Christmas and New Year. Friend at last nights party just 'surrendered' her kids to their dad when he turned up unsuspectedly at their house. Children(teenagers already) didn't want to go but dad threaten with lawyer etc etc. So now there were unhappy mom and unhappy children somewhere. Why are lots of divorced women letting their ex make their lives eve more miserable and not fight for their happiness. Mine are fortunately also teenagers who chose to stay with me. Even if they didn't I would not let them go, as he exposes them to bad influences. We are quite happy and the children are stable and wonderfull, as I just do not let a vindictive dad spoil our lives. But now every situation is obvioulsy diff with diff facts. Moms please if you can at all, stand up for your and your children's happiness.

I understand that you would like to see your son on his birthday and perhaps you could discuss this with his step-mother but agree to let him keep the balance of the weekend with his step-mother.
My partner has a 4 year old he had to fight tooth and nail to see on a regular basis as his ex-wife is intent on using her daughter to hurt her ex. REGULAR contact with his new family is as important as the time he spends with you, especially if his step-mother loves him.
You should be thankful that his father loves his son enough to still want to see him regularly and that he has married someone who accepts your son.
My partner has never missed a maintenance payment, never missed a day with his daughter, has cancelled and/or rearranged overseas trips that occur over his weekends - I have too as I love my (soon to be) step daughter as my own. The childs mother constantly harasses us, lies, manipulates her daughter and tells her to lie. Whenever she wants to deny access she just claims the child is "sick". This happened again last night as she wanted her daughter to be present at a New Year party being held at her house. Our plans for the evening with the child had to be cancelled. Same thing happened on her birthday - this year was our turn to have her over on the day. All of a sudden the child is 'sick". Party had to be cancelled, cake thrown away etc.
We have already spent over R50 000 on lawyers fees and next year will be spending more as we cannot plan a single event with a child who loves her father and me as her mother changes her mind whenever she feels like it. This is money we cannot afford and could have been saved towards school fees, music lessons, horse-riding etc. This year we will not accept it - if it means she will be arrested and charged with a criminal offence for violating a court order, so be it. We have tried for 2 and a half years to be "nice". No more.
Many women - perhaps not you - do not think of what is best for their children but what is best for THEM. We have never said a bad word about the mother in front of this child, and no-one else is allowed to in our presence either. The mother on the other hand is always telling her daughter what a terrible person her father is.
All the women posting comments sound like they are just angry with their exes - not all men are creeps. Don't deny your children a healthy relationship with their fathers just because you are angry.
My sisters ex has paid maintenance once in almost 3 years, tells his son he will pick him up and then leaves him waiting, never attends nursery school events etc. Be glad that your husband cares about your son!

I came across your website as I was surfing for some help and I have simpathy for all the mothers with the ex's and all the step mommies as I am both.

I’m in a situation where I am the mom of a 5 year old boy and a steph mom of a boy age 3. And let me tell you being on both ends is very difficult.

I use to give my ex wide access and visitation to our son but it got out of hand and my son developed some emotional problems due to his father involving him in the bitterness he feels towards me and my new husband. I stopped all extra time and is now keeping very strictly to court order of visitation of every alternative weekend. BUT still wants to change back IF it is in my son’s best interest.

Then being the steph mommy of a boy I just love, it will be gr8 if his mom can just c how much I love him. And yes I know I don't have any legal rights towards him.

So I can understand that the dad want his son to be by the "step mom" for his bithday but I also agree that sometimes sharing is the best.

Isnt that what we teach our children?

Ask ur ex to point out in the court order the part where it states that the child is to stay with the step-mother if he is not available to exercise his access.
If it's not there then there is very little he can do. Call his bluff. Your child needs to be wih his natural parent