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#74 Posted : Tuesday, August 31, 2010 11:15:41 AM(UTC)
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My boydfriend has been divorced for about 1.5 years now and has to pay R2000 per month and then all her clothes. stationary, school, after school activities, medical aid, etc etc and the list goes on. Basically for EVERYTHING. There was a 5 month period last year he did not have work. I was the only one with a R3 500-00 income. I supported him. He still gave her odd amounts as we could afford to but she demanded +/- R7 000 per month - the child is now 9 years old. SInce November 2009 he has been paying her R4 000 per month plus the occassional R500 here. R900 there but still she threatens him every month with court and taking his child away and blah blah blah. We are getting really really fed up now. What can we do about that? She claims now that she wants those arrears for last year otherwise. She also claims that the little girl is going hungry and etc. But she goes out on ladies weekends, drinks with her friends every weekend. we had to move abroad for work so we get to see her once a month and still she is being difficult.

Please help!
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T0M
#75 Posted : Tuesday, August 31, 2010 3:02:43 PM(UTC)
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Contact Gary from Fathers For Justice (www.f4j.co.za) for advice and help.
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Guest
#76 Posted : Tuesday, August 31, 2010 5:44:09 PM(UTC)
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It all depends on the type of school (private, etc), but i should say that R4000-R5000 is enough.
I only get R1000 for my baby. My 10 year old gets R3300 and NOTHING else. I can not make it with this money. She is in a governemnt school
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@ Guest - 31 August 2010 15:44:09
#77 Posted : Wednesday, September 01, 2010 2:49:50 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
My 10 year old gets R3300 and NOTHING else. I can not make it with this money. She is in a governemnt school


Newsflash: You're not SUPPOSED to "make it" with this money - you're supposed to contribute the same again! So can you still not "make it" with R6600-00?????????

How much do you really want? I'm betting even R50,000-00 per month wouldn't be good enough for you - you'd eventually expand your expenses to need more.

When will enough be enough?
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Guest
#78 Posted : Tuesday, September 14, 2010 2:07:58 PM(UTC)
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Hi. I am a dad of two kids aged 7 and 8. I currently pay R1275 maintenance plus the schoolfees of both my kidas and I also pay the medical aid for them. The Ex now wants me to pay R2500 as well as the above mentioned fees. she is to lazy to work and wants to ruin me? does anyone else thinks I am paying to MUCH?
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Guest
#79 Posted : Tuesday, September 14, 2010 5:06:53 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Hi. I am a dad of two kids aged 7 and 8. I currently pay R1275 maintenance plus the schoolfees of both my kidas and I also pay the medical aid for them. The Ex now wants me to pay R2500 as well as the above mentioned fees. she is to lazy to work and wants to ruin me? does anyone else thinks I am paying to MUCH?


Her lazy ass must get out and find some work. No ways should she get an increase.
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Guest
#80 Posted : Tuesday, September 14, 2010 8:27:54 PM(UTC)
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Interesting string this folks. Just to share my thoughts: the formula is indeed simple but in reality, the process is not! I suspect many mothers get ripped off by bad men BUT there are many good fathers who get properly screwed by greedy women. In my experience, the courts do lean towards mothers (and maybe that's fair) and I certainly just feel raped (excuse the pun) by the whole exercise of trying to pay less than 36% of my after tax income, in maintenance. I also just cannot accept that two middle class kids cost R20k in after tax money!
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Guest
#81 Posted : Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1:26:16 PM(UTC)
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Why is everyone blaming the men for leaving, women also leave or ask for divorces.
Some of you women are being greedy, your ex is not there to support you, but to help contribute towards the children, and like it or not, the custodial parent always contributes more. Get over it.
My ex never paid a cent for his kids (they were 3 and 5 when we broke up and are now 25 and 27), and the father of my younger 2 paid R230 EACH. I reshaped our living to fall within all money coming in (I was only earning R1200 in 1988 and it went up to R3850 by 2008). I rarely went out, my kids didnt get takeaways, fancy toys, etc, but they got the most important thing, my LOVE.
If you can't support your child on maintenance thats over R1000, perhaps you should consider allowing them to live with the 'rich' parent, who can afford it.
By the way, how many of the whingeing mothers would be willing to pay in the region of R1500 plus, per child, for maintenance a month.

From Single MOTHER (yip Im female) of 4 healthy well balanced sons
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Guest
#12 Posted : Wednesday, September 29, 2010 3:30:30 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Hi,I think you are getting too much money.Do you want to tell me that the monthly cost of your child is R4 600.00 ? How did you get it right to trick your ex who is earning so little after tax? I pay R450.00 for my 11 year old.


You deserve a double barrel shot gun in the head.

What the hell?! Do you honestly think that That shamefull amount of money actually goes to anything? Hell, you are a pathetic excuse of a father/mother if i ever saw one.

I bet you are busy laughing in your 4 bedroom house playing with your brand new bmw while your kid probably runs around in rags. SHAME ON YOU!!! You sicken me to my CORE!
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Guest
#82 Posted : Wednesday, September 29, 2010 3:34:06 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Why is everyone blaming the men for leaving, women also leave or ask for divorces.
Some of you women are being greedy, your ex is not there to support you, but to help contribute towards the children, and like it or not, the custodial parent always contributes more. Get over it.
My ex never paid a cent for his kids (they were 3 and 5 when we broke up and are now 25 and 27), and the father of my younger 2 paid R230 EACH. I reshaped our living to fall within all money coming in (I was only earning R1200 in 1988 and it went up to R3850 by 2008). I rarely went out, my kids didnt get takeaways, fancy toys, etc, but they got the most important thing, my LOVE.
If you can't support your child on maintenance thats over R1000, perhaps you should consider allowing them to live with the 'rich' parent, who can afford it.
By the way, how many of the whingeing mothers would be willing to pay in the region of R1500 plus, per child, for maintenance a month.

From Single MOTHER (yip Im female) of 4 healthy well balanced sons


In 1988 that was a lot of money. Now adays hunni things have changed. Things are way more expensive. And to be quite frank id want to spoil my child as much as i could. Not letting them go without which clearly is what you did. I would fight for a lot better if my ex paid R400 a month for one kid. YOU let your children down.
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Guest
#84 Posted : Wednesday, September 29, 2010 6:05:32 PM(UTC)
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Just want to know about payments and rights. My fiance had a child with a women when they were 18. (a while back). He paid every amount a certain amount into the child's bank account, managed by his mother. He never had a relationship with the kid, and she does not involve him. When he went to school for example it was never discussed with him. She just informed him. He see the kid about once every 2 years and only if it's per accident. Rights were never shared, and by birth the child got his mother's surname.

In the mean time she got married, and changed the kid's surname to her new surname.

Why still paying? Is it necessary?
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Guest
#85 Posted : Thursday, September 30, 2010 11:26:12 AM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Just want to know about payments and rights. My fiance had a child with a women when they were 18. (a while back). He paid every amount a certain amount into the child's bank account, managed by his mother. He never had a relationship with the kid, and she does not involve him. When he went to school for example it was never discussed with him. She just informed him. He see the kid about once every 2 years and only if it's per accident. Rights were never shared, and by birth the child got his mother's surname.

In the mean time she got married, and changed the kid's surname to her new surname.

Why still paying? Is it necessary?


Visitation and maintenance are two seperate issues.

With the new law now your boyfriend has more rights than ever before.

He still has to pay maintenance. But if he actually wants to see his kid then he can take the necessary steps to get there.
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shazdart
#86 Posted : Thursday, September 30, 2010 2:40:06 PM(UTC)
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"Newsflash: You're not SUPPOSED to "make it" with this money - you're supposed to contribute the same again! So can you still not "make it" with R6600-00?????????"
@Guest posting on 1st Sept. NEWSFLASH : it is not necessarily the case that both parents will contribute equal amounts. It is all dependant on the salaries of the parents and is ordered so by the courts.
I only receive R683 per month for my 11 year old daughter, your assumption that equal contributions from both parents are the rule would mean that I should bring up my child on R1 366.00 per month !!
My ex refuses point blank to pay anything further despite a court order and after 5 years of fighting for my daughters right to HER maintenance I do it on my own.


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Guest
#88 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 12:22:36 AM(UTC)
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No, Shazdart - no assumption - but why on earth should any man have to help you maintain a lifestyle that you can't afford?

The REAL question is: what ADDITIONAL cost does your child incur, over and above what you would if single - and don't try to make out you'd be happy in a one-roomed tin shack like so many women here maintain. That's just bullsh1t.

Problem is, you women are very quick to cut and run - always threatening a divorce when things don't go YOUR way - but then the man ends up paying and paying for ever afterwards... Prostitutes are cheaper - and they give better service! Oh, and they NEVER have 'headaches'...

Why don't you let your ex-husband have 'primary care' and see how YOU like paying maintenance?

Oh, sorry, I forgot - then you wouldn't be able to 'control' his life and get revenge...
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Guest
#89 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 11:17:57 AM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
No, Shazdart - no assumption - but why on earth should any man have to help you maintain a lifestyle that you can't afford?

The REAL question is: what ADDITIONAL cost does your child incur, over and above what you would if single - and don't try to make out you'd be happy in a one-roomed tin shack like so many women here maintain. That's just bullsh1t.

Problem is, you women are very quick to cut and run - always threatening a divorce when things don't go YOUR way - but then the man ends up paying and paying for ever afterwards... Prostitutes are cheaper - and they give better service! Oh, and they NEVER have 'headaches'...

Why don't you let your ex-husband have 'primary care' and see how YOU like paying maintenance?

Oh, sorry, I forgot - then you wouldn't be able to 'control' his life and get revenge...



HAHA, no im afraid in most cases the child would end up dead in the mans care.
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shazdart
#91 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 11:47:42 AM(UTC)
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Just for the record, not all of us are in the business of trying to get an ex to pay for "a lifestyle that we can't afford".
My marriage ended because of 2 affairs an my ex husbands inability to understand the concept of responsibility and matureness.
I have made provision for myself and OUR child and that is the reason that I have stopped the fight for HER maintenance. There are many more expenses when one has a child as opposed to when you are single. Education is just one of them, a very expensive commodity even when your child is in a former model C school.
My ex is incapable of being responsible for a child and to suggest that I should hand over OUR child for him to be the primary caregiver is ludicrous. You have no idea of the situation that I am in nor indeed the lengths that I have gone to to ensure that I don't have to ask him for anything anymore.
OUR child is deserving of so much more than he gives, but she will never go without anything that she needs as long as I am around.
I have promoted a healthy relationship between her and her father, a hard battle indeed as he only wants to see her every second Sunday, she hears no derogatory remarks from me or my family about her father.

How dare you make the assumption that I would want to "control his life and get revenge".

The comment "you women" lumps us all in the basket together whether we are guilty of your condemnation or not. I admit that there are many women who use their position and children to get something that they are not entitled to from their ex's. I would join you in condeming them any day of the week. It is precicely because of these kinds of women that those of us that don't do that have such a hard time with getting the things we NEED for our children.

The measly sum that her father pays is put into her account and used only for her requirements. I don't even use that money for services even though, by law, I am entitled to do so.


You must have had a very hard time with someone to make such bitter comments. Don't judge the rest of us by your situation.
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T0M
#90 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 1:25:15 PM(UTC)
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Guest @ 01 October 2010 09:17:57 wrote:
HAHA, no im afraid in most cases the child would end up dead in the mans care.


I'm sorry - I just HAVE to take exception to this inane, brainless comment.

Do you have ANY idea how many truly competent, caring fathers are out there?

Do you have ANY idea how insulting your childish, misandric remark is to the vast majority of fathers out there?

You blithely paint ALL fathers with the same brush, obviously intending to insult and hurt not only those whom YOU judge to be incompetent and uncaring, but also those hundreds of thousands of us, whom you DON'T know, who have spent YEARS and COUNTLESS Rands just trying to achieve and exercise our rights to be involved parents after a divorce. And you think you can get away with this stupid little comment? Not on MY watch!

This comment is nothing but blatant sexist propaganda, intended to hurt and insult men, fathers, everywhere.

I believe you owe fathers EVERYWHERE an apology for your disgusting remark, guest.
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shazdart
#92 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 4:46:40 PM(UTC)
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I have to agree with you Tom, this person is generalising on both sides of the coin here.
I would support you all the way in your argument, elequently said might I add.
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Guest
#83 Posted : Wednesday, October 06, 2010 1:20:50 PM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
Guest wrote:
Why is everyone blaming the men for leaving, women also leave or ask for divorces.
Some of you women are being greedy, your ex is not there to support you, but to help contribute towards the children, and like it or not, the custodial parent always contributes more. Get over it.
My ex never paid a cent for his kids (they were 3 and 5 when we broke up and are now 25 and 27), and the father of my younger 2 paid R230 EACH. I reshaped our living to fall within all money coming in (I was only earning R1200 in 1988 and it went up to R3850 by 2008). I rarely went out, my kids didnt get takeaways, fancy toys, etc, but they got the most important thing, my LOVE.
If you can't support your child on maintenance thats over R1000, perhaps you should consider allowing them to live with the 'rich' parent, who can afford it.
By the way, how many of the whingeing mothers would be willing to pay in the region of R1500 plus, per child, for maintenance a month.

From Single MOTHER (yip Im female) of 4 healthy well balanced sons


In 1988 that was a lot of money. Now adays hunni things have changed. Things are way more expensive. And to be quite frank id want to spoil my child as much as i could. Not letting them go without which clearly is what you did. I would fight for a lot better if my ex paid R400 a month for one kid. YOU let your children down.


I spent more than 10 years paying lawyers, here and in the UK, to track my ex down, to no avail, and in 1999 my younger childrens father died in a car crash after visiting his girlfriend and the estate esteemed to give me R230.00 as they maintain that was more than enough for a 9 and 10 year old.

Actually, I was the one who went without. And not getting 'spoiled' hasnt done my kids any harm, I have an architect, a draughtsmen, one still in Uni and the last taking a trade. I hardly think they were let down.

In the end, it comes down to both parents being responcible to/for the child/ren they brought into the world
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Guest
#94 Posted : Friday, October 08, 2010 4:50:48 PM(UTC)
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This is helpful guys.. i'm starting this battle of maintenace as from 2moro.. he pissed me off with the saying " in all honesty i find comfort with the fact that you are working, so i know he is not going to die of hunger" that really gave me a wake up call that this guy is never ever going to support his KID... so yes.. Monday morning i will be sitting at the maintenace offices.. and I ain't gonna tell him what i'm up to.... all i need is money enough to raise his Kid.... whether he has another kid that does not mean he should not support his other kid. i never said the mother of his 1st child must be unemployed.. what's that got to do with me... I thought 20something will be much better than the 50somethings. well they should know better than to just think they can up & leave the child. & then once in a blue moon he give you a call & says "how is my kid"the cheek of them.. Blocked his bloody cell phone number.. if he wants to say something he has my work number & my email address..
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