It's easy for me to say, as I haven't shared your problem, but I do hope you will continue to try and strive to be a dad to your child. He deserves it, and you deserve it. Even if you write him emails knowing they might never reach him. It's vital for him to one day know that you have never given up on your son. Good luck.

You should immediately go and see the welfare department, your son needs you!!

My brother , it is easy . Find out where your son lives and go ther personally . If she attacks you or gets her boyfriend to attack you , they you will have a strong case against her in court .

Message was deleted by a User.

There are two seperate but related issues:

1: Access to your son, which is your right.

2: Maintenance payments, which is your duty.

Your Ex can not prevent you from seeing your child and you can take her to custody court. As for the maintenance payments, you can use this in court to show you are contributing to your son's livelihood. Your Ex has no leg to stand on, assuming the info you gave is accurate and complete. It seems she is using your son as leverage to get money from you and not for the benefit of the kid necessarily. This will not help her case should this go to court. The most important thing to remember is that the welfare of the kid is the primary concern and that is the view the court will take as well.

There are a few comments on this blog that are very ill informed. The mother can not choose on her own whether the father can be involved in the child's upbringing or not. All decision pertaining to the kid must be made by both parents unless a court has ruled otherwise for some or other reason.

The comment by someone who replied under "guest" that the UK or US systems work any other way is complete wrong. In fact, in South Africa you have a much better chance of getting a fair ruling if the spirit of our Constitution is adhered to. Contribution by the father does not have to be 50/50. Circumstances should dictate what is feasible and there is no reason why the father can not provide more. What you can do is to insist that you accompany them when any payments are made to ensure that the money goes to the child, not the mother. For instance if school or creche fees are paid, do that yourself.

The suggestion that you write your Ex a letter is a good one but get advise on what to put in the letter and how to word it. Alway stick to the two principles that the welfare of the child is the primary concern and that you have a right as parent to have access to the child.

Do not stop paying maintenance and keep record of all your contributions. She should sign a receipt or you pay her electronically to have record of the transaction. File everything and, if necessary, take it to court should that be necessary.

I do not suggest you just show up at your Ex's house without notification. She also has rights when it comes to her personal space and place of residence and you can not violate that in this case. It will compromise your case should a fight break out. Never ever consider violence as a resolution even if someone else starts it. There is no way that this will be considered as a good environment for the child and welfare can take he kid away from both of you.

Good luck

Brother, did you sign a legal court document (divorce agreement) after she left? If not, she doesn't have a leg to stand on to demand money from you. If you did, unfortunately the fact that she keeps your son from you has nothing to do with paying maintenance. This is a long battle in court, but you can make a case against her for not letting you see your son. She then has to give very good reasons for not allowing you. On the maintenance side, do internet transfers rather than cash, keep all receipts of everything you pay for your son. This will help you with a strong case in court over an increase in maintenance.
Good luck!

I have been paying maintenance ( NEVER MISSED payments ) for 13 years now, and I got a high court judgement, and still i have only seen my child 6 times, and the mother just refuses that i see my child. My child does not want to see me or her sisters ( My kids with my current wife ) anymore, due to the mother telling her LIES and telling her that we want to take her away from her sister ( Mother's child with new husband ). I have tried courts, lawyers, spent tens of thousands of rands, but in SA, most courts side with the mother. The mother just DEMANDS more and more money, but now, i am refusing for the first time, so hang in the my friend, you are in for a bumpy and roller coaster ride with the SA law.

you are doing the right thing by paying maintenanace, there are many men out there who do not contribute, and where the moms would adore the child to meet his/her father. The courts do not help. Best is to wait until the child is old enough to understand what is happening. Kids are quite clever and not as stupid as most people tend to think. They can see quite clearly what is happening.

Been there done that...it's very easy, if you goto a lawyer, court..etc you going to have to fork out LOTSA cash...for me, just stop supporting her...stop paying. She will treat you like crap but so what, you only interested in your kid. Wait and see how it works out, it's ALL A GAME...if you run to the lawyers 1st sign of unhappiness you going to waste ALOT of money, time and frustration...play the game but know her well....don't do it blind....get informed. Rememeber, your kid is a lifetime, this is worth the effort and short term irritation...to most woman who do this...it's all a game of seeing how much they can get back at you...has NOTHING to do with the kid, in fact the kid is used like cannon fodder...

I hope you have progressed since your post.
My brother is going through the same thing. She faked taking the pill and got pregnant, during pregnancy she seemed fine, but after OMW a complete different person.

She has been taking my brother to court for more maintenance for 2 years now. He lost his job as he was always in court. For 2/ 3 month she allow myself and my brother to see his daughter about 7 months ago. She never got her way in court (for an increase in maintenance), so we werent allowed to see his daughter. Dont you think that using your child as leverage is a bit harsh. His daughter is now 2 years old and we missed out on everything. But i am worried what it is doing to the little girl. She got to see her dad all in all about 10 times and then his gone.

My advice. Go to a family advocate (they are free) and this is what they do for a living. We going soon...

Will keep you posted.