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Ever wished you didn't have kids?
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Santos
#1 Posted : Wednesday, March 03, 2010 8:04:54 PM(UTC)
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Don't think I'm a dick now, because I love my kids. And my wife. But there's this guy at work who's just been given a fantastic chance to go work in Dubai for a year and I didn't even ask for the chance, why because of my family that are settled here at school and stuff. With three kids, I could not leave my wife for a year alone with them, and would not want to. But for a moment there I thought if I didn't have kids that could be me, making loads of money and having the experience of working in another country. My wife could have come with me if it wasn't for the kids and their schools and sport and stuff. Am I the only parent who sometimes imagines my life if I hadn't had kids at all?
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Guest
#2 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 9:47:08 AM(UTC)
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You are not the only one. I have days when I try and work out why I had kids in the first place.
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#3 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 9:50:01 AM(UTC)
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Yes, but more because i hate my wife than becuase i believe life would be more fun without my children.
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Guest
#4 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 9:52:11 AM(UTC)
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dood, sometimes I feel the same way and then afterwards I feel guilty
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Guest
#5 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 9:59:44 AM(UTC)
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good day.

I'm with u on this one. I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS. Or at the very least - given it more thought before i did. I've had my kid since i'm 22 - i'm now 40. If I had the chance to do it all over again - I WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD KIDS.
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Guest
#6 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:04:14 AM(UTC)
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Kids are a gift from God. What is wrong with you *&^&&%&^ Parents (men). If you had planned your life you would not be in this shamefull cage... shame. Why not take the whole family with for the year kids and all! It could be a great experience. I pitty you guys, clearly you only think of yourself!!
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Guest
#10 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:04:30 AM(UTC)
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See it every day in the office - not so much the men being looked over but the married women who work damn hard but are hamstrung from a caeer development pont of view - they do a great a job but because they are tied down they dont have the flexibility to go into Africa or even to Cape Town on promotion or sideways move - they stay in their same jobs forever! What a waste and then some other less experienced person gets the opportunity and invariably messes it up.
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Guest
#11 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:06:41 AM(UTC)
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I hear you, I love my kids but my ex is trying to milk every cent out of me and uses the kids. I was offered a job in Cape Town (3 months before we split), leaving JHB was a dream...more money and Cape Town!!!!
The distance would have been hell for my kids and I...so I stayed. I lost out on a better relaxed life in CPT...
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Guest
#12 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:07:13 AM(UTC)
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I am a mommy and I sometimes feel that way.....for example, on a gorgeous summer day when my work collaegues decide to go for drinks after work I decline as I have to go home to take care of my daughter.

Don't get my wrong, I wouldn't swop her for all the tea in China, but sometimes I think ""Gosh, that would be nice""

I think it is a completely normal reaction. Every parent goes through it - so don't beat your self up about it
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Guest
#13 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:08:12 AM(UTC)
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I am a wife and often feel the same way. I love spending time with my wonderful husband but that is in between juggling the kids - poor man. Kids are wonderful little creatures but can push one to the limit and then of course you are the one left feeling like the bad parent, today is one of them!
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Guest
#14 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:10:25 AM(UTC)
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I think you are measuring your life against the wrong things - the amount of money you can gather and the most fun you can have.

Kids are a precious gift -
Spend more time with them and less at work worrying about money and expensive gifts and stuff for the kids. Kids only want your love and attention and thrives on it.
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Guest
#16 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:15:23 AM(UTC)
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I don't have kids, and very glad I don't!

Have a friend who probably feels like you....he is nuts about sailing....and his own interests....taking the kids to schoolsports and other activities over weekends really gets him worked up. He is divorced, and gladly sacrifices his weekends with the kids to do what HE wants to do......
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Guest
#17 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:17:14 AM(UTC)
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Wow, and here we are some of us are struggling for that miracle. But I guess one has bad days and plans and dreams change, so I guess you're entitle to feel that way
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Guest
#18 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:19:02 AM(UTC)
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My kids are grown now and I'm glad I had them. A Friend my age did not want kids and is regretting it now. Who is going to inherit the wealth he built up? As you grow old it can become very lonely. There is no continuity.
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Guest
#19 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:29:58 AM(UTC)
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Guest wrote:
My kids are grown now and I'm glad I had them. A Friend my age did not want kids and is regretting it now. Who is going to inherit the wealth he built up? As you grow old it can become very lonely. There is no continuity.


True that!!
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Guest
#20 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:32:37 AM(UTC)
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i get you- and i am a mom. believe me, i love my son to death; he is my life- i just wish i had waited cos his father is a complete dick!! and now i will have to deal with him (dad) for the next 18 years or so!!
those who judge us, back off cos you don't know the anguish we feel day in & out for feeling the way we do. yes, it might not sound like we care or that we're crappy parents, but that doesn't change how we feel about our kids- WE DO LOVE THEM, it's the circumstances that prove to be the problem. whether it be a passed promotion or relocation, or the fact that the other parent is a complete waste of space. it doesn't mean that we love our children any less.
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Guest
#21 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:33:10 AM(UTC)
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I don't think there can be anthing more rewarding than having family. The time your kids spend growing up goes so fast. Cherish it while it lasts.
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parent24ed
#22 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:34:59 AM(UTC)
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There are always times when one thinks of the different paths life could have taken. I get the impression you really love your wife and kids, but it's natural to be a bit envious when you see a single guy getting ahead when you can't. I agree with the Guest at 6.04 who said this affects mothers in the workplace a lot as well.
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Guest
#23 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:38:49 AM(UTC)
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Yes as Simon and Garfunkle said good days i dont feel no pain bad day are when I lay in bed and think of things I might of been
But when one of you kids comes to you and says dad your the best it makes it worth it ( this stops at about 12 years old and might only start again when they are 25 or so ) you also get to a point where everything you earn goes to other people in the house yet they dont like you ( usually when the kids are teenagers) but have some solace in the fact 1) you are not alone 2) your kids will have kids and then they usually start to appreciate you then Until then though you are obliged to Vas byt
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#24 Posted : Thursday, March 04, 2010 10:39:21 AM(UTC)
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The kids should be the least of your concern as they are the most adaptable. I took the first offer I got to work on a contract and packed up my wife and kids and left for Asia, that was 12 years ago. We have lived in Singapore, Shanghai, Sydney and Bangkok. The kids have loved the experience and become citizens of the world with a far broader outlook and exposure to life that we could have ever imagined. They attend international schools and have always continued their sports. Today they catch international flights like I used to catch a bus.
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