Adoption is not as terrible as everyone thinks. You love that child as if it is your own. It is just the world outside that sees it differently. You need to prepare your child for it. Addoptive children is soooo more special. God had to go through so much extra planning to get your child to you. My boy is now one and a half years old. He is the most important thing in our lives. He has changed it forever. Yes the paperwork can take some time, but the process itself is not that dificult. You need to do some tests. Mentally, physically. They check you financials. Visit your home. But they also help you to prepare for all the questions and help you to prepare your child for all the questions. Good luck, I hope all will turn out well. If things get hectic, remember there are a lot of us and just look up to your Father above!!!

I was an adopted child in the 1970's when adoption was in a totally different world. Having read your posting it does sound like this is more of an emotional need. Also take it from an adopted childs view, adoption isn't easy my parents went thru a lot more than the average person can imagine. I met a JHB couple years ago who could have children yet they preferred to adopt 2 abandoned kids from the townships, years later the kids had the urgent need to "go back and to bond with their roots"... not an easy answer. Search your heart.

I think quite a lot of attention has to be given to impact it would have on your biological children - definately needs research. My daughter says she would be quite happy if I had to adopt; but she would also need to be made aware of the ways in which her entire world would change - for the better and for the worse.

I was interested to hear about the saftey parent of the Indian girl a few comments back. How does one become a safety parent?

Thanks for all of those comments. I do think that there are many issues I will need to consider, and I am sure many comments and insinuations I will need to shoulders, so I really do not mind them being thrown at me on this forum.

I do think we all have our hang ups and reservations regarding this issue. The reality of South Africa is the demographics of a county where whites are the minority. And it becomes a case of supply - not dictated by demand.

If there are more black South African children that are available - and I am not concerned regarding a cross-cultural adoption, then it seems logical that odds are I will be offered a match to a black child before I will to a white child. If however a social worker approached me and said that they had a white/asian/coloured child available and the birth mother thought I was a good match - then of course I would look at the situation and make a decision from there.

I appreciate that some people are more comfortable sticking to their own culture/colour, and though it may smack of racism (or at least hint at it), I do have to accept and appreciate that it is their view and am not trying to change their view.

I do accept that introducing another child into our home, is going to have an affect on my biological children and the dynamics of our family.

Do I know what those dynamics are and how I am going to deal with them? I would be niave to say yes. I am sure that in this process I will be faced with many questions that I may not have thought of, and probably will not have an easy answer to.

The earlier poster is also correct - right now I am thinking that this is an emotional decision and probably a bit more about I than we. I do tend to research decisions and move through processes until I am sure in my mind as to their validity and their affect before we sit down as a family and go through them and make a final decision.

My partner supports the decision, and is more comfortable with me pursuing this and then updating him as we go. I also realise that I can't do this without the support of my partner and my children. As soon as I am clearer in my mind as to some of the issues we face and the bridges we have to cross, a discussion can be had as a family and a family decision can be made going forward.

I really had a sleepless night last night running these rather disheartening and frightening comments through my head that I saw in reply to my post. I spoke to my partner and his mouth literally hung open when I started reading him some of the comments.

I would like to add a comment in relation to all the posters who have really thrown their hands up and demanded that "white" babies be adopted.

To clarify - I personally (not my friend, someone I know, or my next door neighbours) me, personally have spoken to three adoption social workers today. Three professional adoption social workers have stated that presently the waiting list for white children to be adopted is CLOSED. They each have lists that are several years long - some even used the period "10 years long".

Here is a note from one of the application forms I received from one of the agencies:

Please note that there are currently no Caucasian (White) Asian, and Mixed Race babies available for adoption. Applications in respect of Caucasian, Asian and Mixed Race adoptions will be re-accessed in June 2010, pending availability.

I am not denying that there may be a chance that a match occurs between a birth mother and someone who might have just come on a list to adopt a white child, so no doubt there are times when this timing is probably shorter.

But the reality is if you want to adopt a child, and what is more important to you is the child than the colour, then the reality is that that child is probably not going to be Lily-white.

If I want a child, and I want to offer a child a safe home full of love and siblings - while I am young enough to do it - why should I wait 10 years?
Why can't I take the first child that is available who needs a home and needs to be loved?
Why must I start to doubt my decisions because many South Africans have not moved out of their "round the wagons around their own" mentality?

Seriously, I am disheartened that people exist who would try to make this decision harder for people like me who want to adopt - fortunately I am made of tough stuff, and can see past bigots and people with doubtful morals.

I hope to raise my children and any more that I may be lucky enough to have join my home with a more accepting and generous spirit than I have experiences so far on this forum from some.

Black Boy, stop denying the poor unwanted little children of your race the possibility of a good, loving, caring, safe home just because you have issues with white people. If you don't want the poor little things to go to capable white people then what exactly are YOU doing to make it better for them???

Reluctant Mom, I have a few sets of friends (White) that have gone through the whole process more than once each and have been entrusted white beautiful children (all black boys and girls) They all went through the process privately and it wasn't too bad or long. Good for you! You are a shining example. God bless!

What's wrong with adopting a black child?

A young white woman I used to know had artificial insemination with a donor who has a history of drug addiction. She now has a child with a very strange birth mark. I have cut her out of my life.

There's nothing wrong with adoption. Love is love.

There are white babies out there to adopt. I gave up my baby for adoption, but I think most of them are done privately and not though an adoption agency. There are so many other babies out here that need homes, when u can give love, a home etc, a healthy new generation will begin.

You are a wonderfull person for adopting and I take my hat off to you, regardless of the colour you adopt. However, I urge you to explore all avenues before making a decision. There are many white children in foster care eagerly awaiting adoption and even more young white mothers willing to give their babies up for adoption, but unfortunately there are more black children and for this reason Welfare societies WILL tell you that there are no white children available. My advise to you would be to consider private adoption. Simply by word of mouth you will be astonished at how many young girls are looking for good homes for their yet unborn babies.

I am in a mixed race relationship and we are considering adoption. We have discussed culture and traditions and we do not want to rob a child of his or her heritage. We are both very liberal and excepting of people as they are, would we be asking for too much to adopt a mix race baby so he or she can be raised as part of us without depriving him or her of culture and traditions?