I hate the way my daughter and her friends dress. She's 14. To me they look like a bunch of hookers. They always have these short dresses on and plunging cleavages. My wife says I need to realise that this is the norm for these girls. But I don't want my daughter to go out in public with everything on display, her hair all messed up and make-up on like something from a music video. I am not really old-fashioned but it worries me that men might see this as a come on. She is pretty innocent still.Do other parents have this struggle? I tend to only mention it when it seems particularly bad, but it always ends up as a fight.

If you guys buy her the clothes then you guys have the right to say what she can wear or not. I mean since its your money.... I would send her back to her room and she must put on something decent to wear. You allow it, it will happen.

IF you wife agree's with it, then I think you made the mistake of marrying a women with different morals then you, and there is nothing you can really do about except since your wife does not back you up on this one. Concerning that most teenagers dress like this is true, but it is also true that a lot of teenagers are having sex by 14. You should have married a church women.

Hi Mike. I disagree with Jo49 and mostly agree with Parent of a Teen.

Adolescence is the time when we break from our parents and join with our peers. It's also a time when our sexuality appears in stronger form through the explosion of hormones that create the enormous changes in our bodies.

Our minds need stability through this explosion, which lasts several years and more. Black-and-white absolute thinking and self-righteousness go some way towards creating the mental/emotional stability that we need during this time. For me, battles are to be avoided, or perhaps better put, conditions where battles are not necessary are the goal.

My wife and I do share circles a few times a week with our daughters, during which each of us have five minutes to connect with and express our emotions, minds and hearts. This bringing to consciousness and sharing of minds goes a very long way towards creating collaborative relationships and fun between us. We also have discussion share-circles to discuss other things.

It takes time to deprogram past patterns of control, domination and manipulation, which cause pain, power struggles and fights, to get to the willingness, happiness, love and trust.

Just giving the information in collaborative relationships is often enough for the other people to think about and adopt their own version for themselves. In this example, sharing of information about the real dangers of being an attractor to pain-filled men on the prowl for sex pleasure and ways of protecting oneself too, are essential to being good parents, I feel.

Creating collaborative relationships where information is shared and freedom of choice respected and honored is best in my view, although this does mean going through one's own fears almost continually, without falling into the old patterns of control, domination and manipulation, usually falling and correcting, falling and correcting, until a solid foundation is created.

I agree with mom of a teen. My daughter is 9 and already has her own idea of fashion. You should rather be worried as to where she goes as to what she wears. If she was brought up right then she would display the same level of self confidence that she has in wearing those close to tell someone making an inappropriate pass on her to go to hell.
Rather support her and tell her that she looks nice (even if you don't think so) but that she has to watch out for boys/men that would think she was advertising herself.

I fail to understand how most of you seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager!? Try think back to that time, I know it's a long time ago but try... did you even, when you're parents spoke to you, stop and think "you know they are right! they've been through what I have and they know whats best for me." or did you think(as all teenages do) "you dont know me, these are different times, you don know what I'm going through."

Talking helps, but you are the parent you have to have rules and boundries and you have to see them through. Rather enforce a rule they dont like about clotheing and have then not like you, than see them dead in a ditch because some pervert thought they looked too good to resist. The other issue is that guys dont ask how old a girl is. They see them dressed like that and they think they look old enough, to them that all they care about.

hi
I hope im not too late in adding a comment. I am not a parent, though I am married. So please take this as an outsiders view. Teenage girls do dress very very provocatively. When i go to shopping malls, where there are young girls (12-16), wearing such short skirts (you can almost see their privates), you think to yourself, did your parents let you out looking like that? there is definately moral degeneration. but then you take a look at the parents and where the moms are dressed equally as slutty (dad isnt ususally around), and then realise that parents do allow this. 12-18 year old girls (and boys) are still children and lessons like self respect need to be emphasized. i am 28 years old, but still fear that i would be looked upon differently (that is not taken seriously) if i dressed in a revealing manner. And then there are issues like paedo's and the world cup. look anything can happen. why do girls think that the more they show off, the more people like them. since when did racy thoughts about boys and sex and stuff cross teenager's minds? Just go to the rugby. have a look there. there are young girls that wear almost nothin, short skirts, little bikini tops (that dont fit), and guess what - NO UNDERWEAR. crazy. so my friend with a problem, let your girl know that it's her intelligence that counts in this world, not how many boys she can attract by dressing like a whorebag. its about respecting you as a parent and respecting herself as a human. as for the wife that bugs you, she is definately teaching the wrong lessons here. she needs a wake up before your daughter gets raped or something tragic like that.

Mike, It too late to make changes now you have allowed it. The youth are being brain washed by all they see on television and if she is dressing like a slut you can be sure that sooner or later she will be acting like one. Boys will certainly take advantage of her at every opportunity they have. Your should know how men think, rather how horny adolescent boys think. They are probably fantasising about her already and making advances. Ask your self, HOW MANY HOURS IN A DAY IS SHE ACTUALLY WITHOUT HER PARENTS AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES IN THAT TIME! You need to try and change this or will end up regretting not doing anything despite knowing in your heart that what you allow your little girl to do is TOTALLY WRONG!

Yep tough one. In someways I think you are lucky - your daughter is expressing herself in a visible manner and despite the anxiety created her choice of fashion is "public" it is better than her dressing up to satisfy you and then getting to her destination and chainging into her chosen outfit .... the honesty is better than the deceit is what I am saying. Our experience was that we could not supress the desire, at this age, to feel some belonging .... the trick is to make a list of things which are non negotiable and which if the line is crossed then there are severe consequences, things like ... drinking, smoking, sex, drugs, gangs. Our thinking was that its not the actual cloths that are the worry .... but rather the events that the cloths could lead too. Good luck

By backing off you won't be doing your teenagers any favours. Stand by what you believe: who knows better at this stage, you with several decades of experience , or a 14 yr old girl? But most importantly, you MUST talk (properly) with your kids. They have to truely understand where you come from, that you are not just trying to dominate, but that you really, deeply care, and would prefer that they figure out these things for themselves, but as a loving parent cannot allow them to go down the slippery slopes that are on offer everywhere. And they MUST feel comfortable approaching you with issues that bother them. Do you eat at dinner table every night? And nobody leaves until all are finished (eating and chatting)?